This was a weird month. I felt like giving up. I didn't give a fuck anymore and engaged in self-sabotage and destructive behaviour. It seemed as if I wanted to punish myself, desperately trying not to feel anything. The self-love I used to have for myself is mostly gone and I got into the vicious circle of compensating with food, alcohol or cigarettes for my bad feelings and obviously hating myself more for that. But even though I felt like shit most of the time I actually had a lot of fun. Having no fucks to give and drinking wine by the bottle makes for some epic nights out tbh.

• A trip to Pilsensee with Lena and Sash. Missing the train, getting a Das Goldene Blatt crossword puzzle book and some artificial cherry water. Playing card games (Lovecraft letters!), eating flatbread from the Turkish supermarket. Making weird videos with witchy Bugle-fingers. In the evening it got so windy that the lake looked more like a sea. Falling in love with wind-surfing. Picking a lily. Trying to identify all kinds of wild plants and flowers on our way back to the train station.
• I loved spending time with Micha. Going to Boulderwelt West, fooling around in the gym room. Trying to solve a Kreuzweise puzzle in bed. Giving him a huiuiui tattoo. His delighted laughs whenever I act in a strange way (most of the time). Making out, cuddling. Leaving the house in the morning with him still lying in bed.
• Eating at Saigon Deli. Twice in a week. Not cheap but very tasty. I wish I could find an apartment in Haidhausen...
• Taking lots and lots of pictures. On the one hand it draws my attention away from living the moment but on the other hand it makes me appreciate my surroundings more. I'm able to find something beautiful and interesting almost anywhere.
• Some nice new dresses from &otherstories (the perfect rusty red, a shiny, thick fabric - and it was 50% off) and Monki.
• Meeting Elsa and Franzi with their babies at the playground. Eating fresh berries from the garden.
• Having pizza with Steffi. Listening to her stories about her sabbatical and her on-and-off relationship with Verena.
• Drawing daily pictures for the Potter Week art challenge. I need to do that more often.
• Hearing the neighbours' kid Felix genuine excitement about the fact that his mum had decided to take him to kindergarden by bike that morning. Juhu!
• Bright red petunias against a deep blue sky.
• Experimenting with gouache and pastels.
• The kids making donuts and pizza with papier mâché.
• Getting a new record player from a tech blogger I found via eBay Kleinanzeigen.
• Reading a book about emotional eating. Realising how much work there is still ahead of me.
• Kinderspaghetti ice-cream.
• Cooking and baking. Vegan Bergsteigerbrot. Ginger lemonade.
• Thinking about the concept of basic income guarantee. I'm pretty much convinced that we really need this. I actually even started donating a small amount of money as a Crowdhörnchen at mein-grundeinkommen.de.
• Spending time at playgrounds. At night, with Lena and Sash. Riding the tire swings. Or the carousel in Westpark with Andre. Hanging out with Marks and Victor, watching the others climb the trees.
• Attending a gender conference about diversity and trans/inter rights. Super interesting and very impressive speakers. I love the atmosphere at those events. Always very respectful. You can feel that all of the people attending work in the social sector. Oh, and you always get the best merchandise there. Examples: an eraser ('erase sexism') and soap bubbles ('Antifeminismus zum Platzen bringen').
• Taking pictures with my analogue camera.
• Hanging out with Frank instead of going CSD clubbing. Discussing feminism and basic income. Simply forgetting to go out.
• Painting stones with gouache.
• Getting a massage.
• New avocado plant babies.
• Westpark!!! It's my favourite park in Munich. Highlights: Entity Theatre (Romeo&Juliet) with Frank. Watching the couple in front of us cuddling with someone else's Golden Retriever. Waving my flag for Team Montague. Ending up at Gans am Wasser again. Andre had taken me there a few days before and we talked about life and love by the like until the early morning. Also, it's one of the most photogenic places I know, especially during twilight.
• Reading Laurie Penny's Bitch Doktrin. My daily dose of feminism. Perfect.
• Charlotte Roche's podcast Paardiologie. I love her husband Martin's voice.
• Lazy days with my students. Getting ice-cream. Hanging out in the park and the English Garden. Playing Privacy. Ahem. At least I didn't just show them a movie, eh? Visiting Skyline Park for the first time (36°! White-water ride! Iced coffee! GOATS!). Missing our train, hanging out at McDonald's in the middle of nowhere. Watching Yesterday at the cinema.
• Shopping for art supplies with Doris.
• Drawing with chalk pencils on rough black paper.
• Joining Miri's goodbye party with old colleagues from Munich II. Ending up at the gay table. Loving it. Dancing on the benches and drinking 1l happy hour cocktails.
• Visiting the ADBK semester exhibition with Sash. Drinking red wine straight from the bottle. Dantebad afterwards. Pizza and Vietnamese food (rice noodles with Thai curry sauce and fresh fruit!) inbetween.
• True&12 ice-cream. Truffle pizza. Nightsinging. Sitting by the river next to Müller'sches Volksbad. Watching people swimming in the middle of the night. The playground. Some outdoor jazz.
• Attending a VR workshop. BEST job training EVER. It was just the two of us and all we had to do was play around with the VR goggles. So much fun.
• Pizza picnic with the colleagues at the Isarauen. Jumping into the river in underwear. Pink sunset. Singing a few songs, ending up sitting on the floor of the subway station with Andre.
• Playing around with my new iPad. I'm obsessed with Garage Band.
• Backstage with Manu and Isi. Jaya the Cat. Making out with him because I felt like it. Walking home in the rain, topless. Waiting for the train. Lying down on the ground, regardless.
• Skunk Anansie. Damn good voice. Meeting Manu L. and finding out he had just become a dad! Frank hadn't told me...