- An unexpected pizza party! I briefly thought it smelled like a pizzeria when I walked down the stairs and when I arrived at the dining hall two huge tables with many different pizzas were set up for us. We ate ate all together at a huge table like a family.
- The first self-guided yoga practice I actually enjoyed. An asana plan and pre-programmed bells wth Insight Timer really help a lot.
- Stepping outside after my yoga session, seeing a double rainbow in the sky.
- Deep talk with Robert. Hard hugs.
- The story about Kali appearing as a black cat.
- Seva Day. Getting to sit in the Karma Yogi common room (sitting behind Ashley, giving her a back massage). Tarot and oracle cards everywhere (drawing a card suggesting to "bring joy to what you're doing"). Sanding and oiling two wooden benches in the workshop (a place where I felt at ease right away). Alexius gave me his scarf. Then I removed some masking tape from the floors on Clair Joie. I love practical work.
- Picking flowers for the library.
- Feta cheese, green olives, pink sauerkraut and leftover pizza for lunch.
- Helping Judith set up and clean my room. Having a nice and easy conversation. Relating.
- Another dream after which I woke up crying - sobbing, really. Ringing in my ears, seeing a bright white and purple light behind my forehead. So real I had to open my eyes and check if the light was coming from outside. Spooky. Happened twice now, Almost as if a portal has been opened and now all the stored sadness is just flowing out freely.
- Conversations with Nana over lunch and nestled into a dark corner one night. About finding balance. Making decisions. Astrology and energies.
- Turning the Karma Yogi lounge into a Berlin night club ca. 1998. Light effects, group hopping, Hadi DJ-ing.
- A magical night with a bright waxing moon. Clear sky. The stars and the moonlight shining through the leaves, sitting in a swing. Listening to the sounds of the forest. Owls, toads, rustling leaves. Everything in full bloom. The smell of the lilac in the air.
- A long talk with Maya. About everything and nothing. Meditation. The mind. My Vishudda chakra. Our families. It's so much easier to bond when there's not a ton of people around!
- Spontaneous back massage for Ashley when I sat behind her at the Seva meeting.
- A rebirthing breathwork session with Maya. I had a mainly physical reaction, feeling my whole body vibrating and pulsating - especially the hands and solar plexus. My channeled my inner child and all her sadness, hurt feelings, fear of connection. Afterwards I felt really good and had a long nap.
- Sitting under a tree after lunch. Sunshine. Verima playing the guitar, singing for us in her beautiful voice. Robert, Lucie and Verima's friend from Berlin were there, Maya, Caroline and Alexius joined later. I made daisy crowns for every one and a few daisy rings as well. The hippie alternative for knuckle tattoos. It was a beautiful image, everyone singing, decorated with flowers. And it was so sunny. I was only wearing a short dress and had to be careful not to get sunburnt. Felt like the first summer day. A big ant ran over my arm and I decided to let it tickle me and play a little.
- Stephen brought me sea salt chocolate from the bio shop and didn't even want money. I paid him with a big hug. What a cutie.
- Blessing our food together (at dinner with Robert and a Dutch couple). Holding hands, singing Amour, Shanti, Sagesse.
- My roommate during the three day retreat smelled extremely lovely. Probably her laundry detergent? Her clothes made the whole room smell fantastic.
- Big buzzing bumblebees. Eating all my meals in the hammock or the swing. Watching the birds come and go, feeding their babies, whizzing from branch to branch. I even saw a robin a few times. Porridge and fresh bread for breakfast.
- A blissful meditation on the second retreat day. Merging, blending, expansion. The eternal now.
- Being fascinated with Thando's hair. My mat was right behind hers in Shiva Hall so I had plenty of time to admire her gradient dreads adorned with little seashells, coloured thread and metal cuffs.
- Writing little goodbye notes for everyone. Closure.
- The bright full moon reminded me of the little rituals I'd sometimes do during lockdown. So I felt the need to write down what I wanted to let go of and burn the note under a chestnut tree in the middle of the night.
- Leaving Hridaya. Nice conversations with Paul from Colorado on the way to Lyon (he's a nerd, HSP, possibly on the autism spectrum... We found a lot of ways to relate to each other) Buying a bunch of local cheeses and lovely soft chocolate-walnut biscuits. Making my way to the airport, sitting down in "my" corner at gate 01. Meditating to the sound of crackling winter fire, tuning out as much of the noise and busyness as possible. It turned out to be an absolutely fantastic meditation. Feeling kundalini energy, realising which steps I have to take to work on my self-love. Crying quietly.
- Getting fresh bread and orange juice, some tomatoes and the traditional "butterbreeze-upon-arrival". Hugging Frank for a very long time. Kissies. He told me everything about Marie. His problems with motivation, and finding a therapist. It's good to be here with him. I hope I'm not overstaying my welcome.
- Meeting so many friends. Pub quiz with Margit, Raphael, Dennis and Frank. Lunch with Helga and Marlies, eating strawberries on the rooftop. Drinks with Peter. Snuggling with Manu, learning about his "dream guardian", an animal he sees whenever he realises that he's dreaming, basically preventing him from enjoying a lucid dream.
- My energy seems to have changed. A woman asked me for advice on which pair of sunglasses to buy. Others were asking for the way. Perhaps I'm more open and approachable? More examples: racing a guy down the escalator. We both had fun! And discussing the strawberries on display with a random lady to find out which ones were the most beautiful.
- 60min Thai massage. So good.
- A guest appearance as Sphinx in Frank's DnD group. I prepared riddles and anagrams. Pretty cool! And I just love Carolina and Kevin. Visited them the next day for lunch and a Kundalini yoga session. Caro and me have so many shared interests! We need to become friends.
- Checking out the dice collection in the board game store. The cashier specifically showed me the cat edition. Good intuition.
- Kinder Happy Hippo is back! Creamy hazelnut filling. Fantastic.
- Colour-coded thrift shopping. I only bought orange items.
- A variety of Indian food to share, watching Hunger Games movies together. Yanch being vulnerable, talking about his weight gain. Sash's mum sending me a big box of beautiful, homemade macarons.
- Meeting Valeria and Mark (and their little son Misha) at a café. Talking about equanimity, my studio/Heilanstalt idea. Buddhism, our jobs, finding the right community.
- Meeting Marie for the first time. She seems lovely!
- Spending more time with Raphael. Letting him write down the quiz answers. Asking for advice about Peru. I think he thrives when he feels useful.
- Brand New Cherry Flavour - a random Netflix find. It has everything I want from a TV program: magic, kittens, lesbians, an amazing title, 90s vibes.
- Building the little Lego forklift with Frank. It actually works! It was in the Schultüte I made for him when he went to work for the first time in months.
- Spending exactly €22.22 at the store on my birthday. Of course I'll take it as a sign!
- More birthday treats: going swimming, but I didn't force myself to swim for a very long time (a bit uncomfortable without goggles). Getting a Baba Ganoush wrap at Beirut Beirut. Instead of birthday cake: a pot of strawberries with whipped cream and a few Raffaellos on top. Ordering a few new piercings and earrings on Etsy.
- Playing Kicker and pool with "my men". Frank, Manu, Raphael. It's a little pathetic but it made me feel special. I don't know what it is - a mix between the princess position and being one of the dudes. But I could definitely feel the love.
- Spending more time with Raphael. I've missed him.
- Realising how many amazing friends I have (and that I know most of them from school or met them on OkCupid). I feel very grateful. My Goldmarie/FLEX birthday was lovely.
- Frank stepping up his game: he got me three big pink roses and strawberry cake with a box of Raffaellos for my birthday! Manu also told me that he'd almost organised an airport pickup for me. Maybe he actually meant when he told me that I was really important to him when we were in Amsterdam. Also, I'm so glad he's doing better. I really like his new girl Marie and watching him play his saxophone solo at the Jazz Night made me feel like a proud mum. We make very good flatmates, too! Feels like home.
- Speaking of which: the Independent Women vocal ensemble was fantastic. Great voices and they chose pretty cool songs, too! Some of the girls wore great outfits as well (even though it was all black some of them really managed to put together something special and unique).
- Seeing Bordeaux through fresh eyes. Jasmine growing up the walls in the alleys. So pretty in the evening light against the blue doors. Ramen noodle soup. Waking up in my little coffin, overlooking the sunlit rooftops. Meditation. Journalling, enjoying a coffee and a croissant on the rooftop terrace.
- Orangina gummy candy.
- My Ajna Chakra started tingling like crazy during my first meditation at Plum Village.
- There is a cat house at Plum Village. I definitely came to the right place. The curious young kitten that regularly joins the walking meditations and makes somersaults whenever it's trying to catch a flying bug brings my a lot of joy. And I befriended Tiéu Nhi, a 17-year old senior cat. Super gentle, shy, plays like a young kitten. I gained her trust with sweet talk and good scratchies. She purrs when I pet her, even lets me hold her sometimes and accepts head boops. I'm honoured.
- Very nice Vietnamese food every day. I especially love the half moon-shaped soup tofu and the amazing fresh baguette we eat with margarine and plum jam every morning. Fruit with tahini. Vegan spring rolls. Sweet bean soup with coconut milk. Even the soup broth is always delicious.
- Sharing circles. I often relate to everyone so much more afterwards and I realise that I'm not alone with my feelings (something I just naturally assume). The sharings about ancestral trauma and the practice of "touching the earth" were super interesting. And when the sister talked about running away from home during her Dharma sharing I really felt her pain. Emotional contagion, compassion, a trigger?
- Looking out the windows of the big hall, seeing the bamboo forest and the reflection of the lights in the glass. It looked like a fairy meadow with glowing lanterns between the leaves.
- Getting to know Nora, Jade's friend. Talking about our experiences at Hridaya. The girl who handed me a tissue at the sharing circle (which means she noticed I was crying... ugh, why is vulnerability still so hard) Learning about languages in Madagascar from Sandia. So many lovely people around here.
- Sweetened English Breakfast Tea as a regular substitute for dessert.
- Practicing mindful eating. Eating slowly, stopping between bites, chewing really well. Giving thanks for the food. Waiting for the table to fill up before starting to eat. Bowing to each other. At one point during breakfast, I had this very clear feeling that I was full. It was amazing to see that my body is sending me signals all the time, I just have to be still enough to notice them. Tuning in. I'm going to experiment with smaller portions from now on to see if they'll already satiate me. Perhaps my way to stop overeating?
- Walking meditation with all the monks and sisters, volunteers and short-term visitors. Quite the procession.
- My little corner in Dharma Nectar Hall. Writing nook. Yoga mat. Cat nearby. All I need. Performing Ardha Chandrasana (half-moon pose) under the skylight which looked very much like lunar surface with the moos and dirt resembling craters.
- A lovely Lazy Day. Talking to Lanting (she's got a master's degree in Buddhist studies, I love people who allow me to pick their brain) and Adele. Yoga in front of the Buddha statue. Dinner outside by the lotos pond. Painting while listening to podcasts. A walk to Happy Farm in the afternoon sun. Imagining holding hands with my parents. The orange poppy-like flowers. Daisies. Language tandem with a Sister. Partnering with Yara from Basel during the "Beginning anew" presentation (I really feel like I should visit Basel now, I keep meeting amazing people from there), relating to her sharing. Anne talking about an interesting educational program. Standing with Julie in the dark kitchen, listening to her stories about finding her practice.
- The tiny snail attached to the glass door at eye level before morning meditation.
- Tiéu Nhi walked up to me in the morning when I was sitting in my usual spot meditating. "I'm here now! Come cuddle!" So I followed her to her sofa to cuddle. I left for breakfast and returned with a cup of water to paint. On a whim, I offered her the water and she drank out of my hand! I'm in love. / The next day she meowed again in the morning and I picked her up, lying down on my sofa with her. She sat on my belly and seemed super content. Peaceful moment.
- Vegan Pho with gluten/"vegan ham". A lime wedge. Tasty mushrooms and fresh herbs.
- The Queer Sangha Dharma sharings, offline as well as online. Confirmation that my gaydar is on point. Gentle, open and aware people. So much love and respect. Feels very special.
- I googled Jula and Frieda (yeah, I've definitely got a crush) and their CVs kinda confirmed my intuition that I really need to quit my job. One look and I was like... I am so much more. I want that for myself as well. Cried a tear into my porridge bowl upon this realisation.
- Sister Spring sharing the Touching the Earth practice with us. Powerful.
- Meeting Kati from Austria. Interviewing her about what's it like to have a psychiatrist and psychotherapist as a mum (apparently good).
- Finding a cool "Breathe/Aloha" sticker for my water bottle.
- Mark still sending me long voice messages (and a selfie of him and Tom, I think they met up in Berlin or Vienna!)
- Jade. Her hugs, generosity, way of speaking. Learning from her, being more mindful, trying to speak in a more respectful and considerate way. I appreciate her a lot.
- I'm really happy with the Caring Cacti family here at New Hamlet. Lots of lovely people. We've got a lot in common and the Sisters are lovely, too.
- The moment I noticed I could actually listen to the Dharma talk in French and take down the headphones with the English translation. Practising French with my roommates (also I'm grateful that our room has been drama-free so far and we're getting along very well).
- Bamboo stick exercise does wonders for my back. It feels SO good.
may 1 2023 ∞
aug 30 2023 +