- Being the first one up in a quiet house. Sitting outside journalling, enjoying French sea salt butter and passion fruit jam on toasted pieces of baguette. The view of the sea. Painting, reading, a nap. Vacation mode.
- The familiarity of it all. The house, the area, the people.
- Snorkelling in Les Issambres with C. Trying to snatch away stones from octopus tentacles. Hanging out on the SUP together. Many cute kisses here and there (C. was in a very good mood).
- Learning to communicate a little better. Slowly, slowly.
- French supermarkets. The greedy first day haul.
- Working on a mixed media painting which turned out useful for Trypophobia exposure therapy. I kinda like the depth of it though and the interesting shapes I created.
- A chubby restaurant cat called Patate at Pampelonne Beach. I secretly call her Chonkita. She was very happy about my scritches!
- An amusing sight: the lady in St. Tropez who was walking through town with a pack of about ten tiny dogs.
- Little intimate moments with C. Analysing my friends and my relationship to them. Also: the realization that a chapter is closing. That I'm ready for something new that'll be so much more what I need.
- A trip to Grasse. Walking through the medieval old town, visiting the perfume museum, shopping at Fragonard (I got a hand-marbled oversized shirt in earthy colours). Iced cappuccino with flower petals at Café Fleur. Eating a rich and delicious Galette in Fréjus.
- The gorgeous light and shadow pattern on all of us when we were having drinks at the beach.
- Driving through the back country to eat at a fabulous little restaurant by the sea. I had a three-course-menu: summer truffle burrata with roasted nectarines, zucchini filled with black olive tapenade (with puree, breadcrumbs, chickpeas and salad) and a delicious pistachio semifreddo with balsamic prunes.
- Getting everything I want at the supermarket so I have a few kitchen souvenirs that'll make me smile when I think back to this summer.
- Strawberry-flavoured sparkling water. The Maison Perrier x Magnetic Juice water in strawberry/kiwi is such a delight.
- And, a final delight on the way back: a large cappuccino and a box of tiny Pocket Coffees at Autogrill.
- Desperate measures after a weekend hiding in bed, trying extra hard to pretend not to exist: an evening at Therme Bad Wörishofen with Manu. Drinking a strawberry cocktail in the warm pool. Talking, no pretense.
- The jay (Garrulus glandarius) I keep seeing behind my house. I just looked up its meaning and apparently it's connected with accepting responsibility for yourself and mustering up the courage to master a hard test. There are so many signs reaching me at the moment. Teachings about personal responsibility in the Gestalt therapy book I'm reading. Instagram bombarding me with messages about Eclipse Season and that something old has to go in order to make room for the life I've always wanted. It's slowly starting to sink in but I'm still so afraid. Stuck with my insecurity, between different needs and feelings. Inside a contradiction between safety and sensibility on the one hand, taking a risk and stepping into freedom and my full potential on the other.
- A hit of nostalgia when I heated up the milk for my cereal. It was soggy and disgusting but reminded me of my childhood.
- Realizing that I've never seen the last season of The Umbrella Academy!
- I have very cute and supportive friends. Who tell me how talented I am and that something better is waiting for me at the other end of this crisis.
- Making a decision. Seeing psychiatrists. Informing my headmaster. This is the beginning of a transformation and it's not gonna feel nice for a while but I'm sure it'll be worth it. I'm excited about what comes next.
- Little trinkets: a glass bottle with a round wooden lid, a green glass candlestick holder, and a yellow T-shirt.
- Spending a few days at Christian's place. Staying in my comfort zone. Honest communication and support.
- Baking a buttery mirabelle cake. Sharing it with a few neighbours at the garden table.
- Feline affection: The orange cat who was waiting for me outside the doctor's office. All that crazy Findus energy. And cuddling with Charlie who was sleeping inside the little blanket fort in the garden.
- Going on a little bike tour through the forest on a beautiful afternoon with golden light. It smelled of moss and mushrooms. And I couldn't resist squeezing a few Impatiens seed pods, of course.
- Reading a great book about the origin of Gestalt therapy. Analyzing my own process.
- Spending an afternoon in Munich with C. and L. We went to the Archeological museum and Haus der Kunst where we had a snack at Goldene Bar and then I saw the exhibitions alone. Of course I found an interesting book about Marina Abramović at the bookstore there.
- Productive procrastination. Observing myself in my avoidance of hard tasks and difficult feelings. Self-compassion.
- Finding a small book about sleep, dreams and the night on a park bench. Cutting out poems and illustrations.
- Birthing a chestnut from its spiky uterus.
- Meeting Madeleine, a Gestalt therapist who works with somatic techniques, voice and breathing. I felt seen and I think we have a very similar approach to healing. She said that self acceptance might be something she could help me with. I'm curious and excited about working together.
- Primavera Energiekick spray. It smells so good. I got it in an esoteric store after my first Gestalt Therapy session along with a tiny golden Om ornament. A few houses down I also discovered a little Indian shop and got two pictures of Kali/Durga. My last treat: three stalks of yellow and dark red Chrysanthemum.
- My first meditation in a while. I actually craved it. I looked into the mirror, moved my hips, felt the need to turn inwards and connect with myself. I felt gratitude, joy, safety, confidence. Now I'm trying to reprogram my brain to get rid of my negativity bias and addiction to suffering.
- Being helpful: translating something for a Chinese family at the supermarket. And forgetting about myself for a moment to be there for others: genuinely caring for Lucie, asking about how she felt after her cold - and leaving it at that. Not forcing my own problems on others for once.
- Back on track: returning to yoga and choir practice after the summer break even though I already had two appointments in the afternoon.
- Waking up energized with a desire to move.
- Making coconut rice pudding with chunky mango cubes.
- A vision that came to me during savasana: a cluster of luminous white diamond shapes and sparkles against a dark background. I wonder if I could paint what I saw or use it as inspiration at least.
- Visiting Becki and Janina in Augsburg. A staredown with their cat Leo. Their gorgeous apartment and the tea book that Becki co-authored.
- An evening dedicated to tantric rituals at Lachdach Pling. It was different than expected but a lovely event nevertheless.
- Cat therapy. Having Findus lying on my chest, purring. It feels so soothing and nice.
- The sickly summer lilac I planted in Christian's garden actually started to bloom again!
sep 1 2024 ∞
oct 14 2024 +