autobiography tab? dont mind if i fucken do

• mila marie was born on december 22nd, 2003. she was nearly a month premature. she was scheduled to arrive on her uncle jim's birthday, january 21st. because of this, mila is a capricorn instead of an aquarius. mila's mother had blood pressure complications during labor due to her hereditary polycystic kidney disease. despite this, mila was not born via c-section. she was born at 8:45 on a monday. it took mila more than a minute to begin crying after birth.
• even with slight labor issues, mila was released from the hospital shortly after. mila lived with her mother and father up until the age of 2. this is when her parents got divorced and mila and her mother moved in with her grandma. mila never used a pacifier as a child, but was exremely attached to her bottle up until her fourth birthday when her mother threw it away. this was possibly the worst birthday of her life.
• mila does not remember many details between ages 5-9. at some point she moved from her grandmas to her own home with her mom. she could not place a month or year on it even if you offered her money. mila was a generally happy child with a good amount of friends and an active interest in animals and camerawork. she met all of her developmental milestones on time, if not earlier. she was very proud of her ability to read her first entire book. that book was 'the fat cat sat on the mat' by nurit karlin.
• at the age of 10 mila was beginning her dissent into the internet. her first youtuber obsession was good mythical morning, she watched a new episode every morning while she got ready for school. about a year later mila discovered pewdiepie and jacksepticeye, these two are still important to her to this day.
• around 11 mila was very into my little pony: friendship is magic. this however led to her discovering 'pinkamena cupcakes', a creepypasta. from there mila took a liking to creepypasta and all things morbid. she even got her whole class to act it out while pretending to electrocute and gut each other. mila went to a catholic school.
• in fifth grade mila used to break out pencil sharpener blades in math class and cut herself with metal protractors. she also cut her lip open with safety scissors and repeatedly stabbed a kid in the back with a sharpened pencil. her teacher told her grandma that she had noticed a change in her. milas grandma told her mom. her mom ignored them. milas mom liked to be independent and refused to accept she needed help taking care of mila as her kidney disease worsened. she also smoked cigarettes which upset mila to no end.
• between ages 11 and 12 mila discovered vocaloid and later on, anime. this became a major part of her personality up until the age of 15. to this day mila still enjoys vocaloid and its music. along with my little pony, mila's interest in anime took a dark turn too. she began watching more violent shows and developed an affinity to blood, both real and fake.
• in april 2016 mila began dating her first girlfriend, karlie. this relationship lasted off and on until december 2019.
• mila considers ages 12-14 to be when she developed her personality. her therapist says your personality is fully developed at age seven, but she doesnt believe that.
• mila was hospitalized in october 2017 when she started throwing fits and refusing to go to school. the principal threatened to call childrens services so milas mom had her evaluated at a hospital. the hospital offered to admit her in outpatient, but mila insisted on being admitted into the ward. she spent 5 days in the ward and got out the day before halloween. she reminisces fondly on her first time in the ward, claiming she had a great time.
• after being released, mila began a new, public, school. mila thought the school itself was the issue and that changing schools would take away the fits she threw when having to go. someone she was good friends with at her previous school was going there, so the transition was smooth and mila fell into a friend group very quickly. mila began hanging out with this friend, knowing very well he had had a crush on her since 4th grade. he also knew mila had a girlfriend and was surprisingly respectful about it. it turned out that the school itself was not the issue, and despite a change of scenery and people, mila was still unhappy. mila left this new public school within a few weeks and began online school. still her mother could not get her to do the required amount of hours. it was around this time mila mentioned to her mom that she had looked up dissociative identity disorder and felt she was experiencing it, if not something similar. milas mom told her that this was not real, and to 'quit it'.
• frustrated with no one believing her, her moms illness progressing and her deep feeling of misplacement, sometime at night between january 1st and 2nd 2018, not even a week after mila's 13th birthday, she attempted suicide for the first time by taking two handfuls of miscellaneous pills she had collected from both parents medicine bags. she texted two of her internet friends, thinking they would not be able to do anything. as it turned out, mila's friend from florida had her grandma's address from when she mailed mila a wig. this girl from florida called the police to milas grandmas house. upon discovering she didnt live there, her grandma sent them to her house. when the police arrived at milas house, her grandma was not far behind. by time the police officers were in mila's room, her mother, grandma and girlfriend were all in hysterics in the living room. the officers asked mila if she had taken anything. mila said no and that she was only considering it. without any medical checks, the police officers left and mila was relived to lay down and die. but milas mom would not leave her alone and made mila come lay in her room. mila began mumbling and 'doing math' on the walls. milas mom then called an ambulance. mila also remembers looking at her mothers bedsheets as they began to spin. the next thing mila recalls is being helped down the hallway by emts. as she was attempting to stay uright and put her shoes on, she told the emts to close the front door because 'her cats would get out'.
• the rest of this night is a blur to mila, but her mother informed her that that was when she discovered mila was cutting herself, as the hospital gown rode up her thigh. she also told mila that in an attempt to go to the bathroom, mila had clawed her moms wrist pretty badly as she tried to stay standing. milas mom noted that milas first waking words were 'oh. im still here." mila thinks this is very funny and laughs at it every time it is brought up.
• milas second inpatient hospitalization was against her will, after the overdose. luckily, mila did not need her stomach pumped as the majority of the pills she took were water pills and blood pressure pills. she was admitted in another hospital just across the ohio/pennsylvania state line. here mila talked to her new friends about the possibility of her having dissociative identity disorder. she had an even better time at this hospital than the first. this hospital was on the fourth floor of its building and allowed the patients to have the windows open whenever they wanted. mila made two good friends named sav & daniel. sav was nonbinary and daniel was a transgender boy. they called mila their 'honorary cis' because the trio ate every meal together. this is where mila was put on zoloft, instead of her previous medicine, paxil.
• mila was released roughly a week later. she continued, not very sucessfully, with her online schooling.
• on february 26th 2018 around 11pm, mila went into her living room to ask her mom where her sketchbook was. when she got no answer from the couch, mila asked again, "do you know where my sketchbook is?" with no response even after raising her voice, milas stomach dropped. without even entertaining the thought of her mother being asleep, mila walked around the couch to find her mother unconscious. despite her illness, she had felt good that day and was still wearing makeup. mila shone her phones flashlight into her mothers eyes and they did not dilate. mila knew then that her mom was dead. still she put the pulse oximeter on her mom, and it read 0/0. she called her dad and then 911, saying that her mom would not wake up. her dad sped to the house and arrived before the ambulance. they moved her body from the couch to the floor and began cpr. mila stayed on her room after this, comforting both her dad and grandma. mila was the only one not crying.
• mila very vaugely remembers her mothers funeral, but she knows that she did not cry. she had to hug people as they came through the line and she hated it. these people never checked up on them any other time. she wondered why they care now. once her mom was gone. instead of helping when they could. mila also knew that her mom didnt want anyones help. milas old classmates showed up as well and she wanted to scalp them then and there. mila did not want anyones sympathy, especially the rich snobs she had grown to hate. no matter how much her family tried to tell her it was a nice gesture, and that these kids really cared for mila, mila knew they did not.
• immediately after her mothers death, mila moved in with her dad. mila does not remember the first month of living with her dad, as most of it was moving all her items around and dealing with family grieving. mila despises grieving as it accomplishes nothing.
• sometime in april 2018 mila attempted suicide for the second time by hanging. she tied a cable cord around her upstairs ceiling fan and put it around her neck as she stood on her desk chair. this desk chair swiveled out from under her as she tried to step from the chair to the tv stand. mila clawed at the cord for a minute before putting her arms down and passing out. after passing out, mila managed to slip from the cord without it untying. she woke up when she hit the floor. she couldnt see and heard ringing. once the ringing stopped she got up and went back into bed. she had a bruise around her neck for a week but no one said anything.
• with no recollection of an exact date, mila became infatuated with the columbine case and idolized eric harris and klebold. mila was 'in love' with the manson family for roughly two years before this & enjoyed learning about jeffery dahmer, but nothinng had taken ahold of her like columbine has.
• sometime in june 2018 mila began smoking weed and eating edibles, she consider this to be when she unlocked another part of her personality.
• sometime in august 2018, mila told her grandma and a court that her dad was allowing her to smoke weed and moved in with her grandma for a month, after this month, mila said she was lying just to get out of the house and the case was dropped.
• it was around this time that mila began identifying herself with laveyan satanism. she considered herself laveyan satanist up until roughly december 2019.