• a friend
• 19
• she/her
• fine arts student

aiming to be so pretty it hurts

• see every ocean
• travel around the world
• write a song
• reunite
• live
• write a book
• cry when i want to
• own a extravagant chateau in france

• baume des muses - buly in yellow
• pretty vintage glassware
• brown or black (preferably brown) baguette bag

i think i fell in love in europe. in the summer of 2019 i travelled to london, to france, to belgium and amsterdam.

in london i loved the culture, the hustle and bustle of strangers with plans, going off on their own business i knew not of.

in paris i loved the elegance. the women there carried themselves with confidence i hope to attain. the fashion i saw, the architecture, the people made me fall in love. i want to live in paris.

in belgium i loved the streets. i loved the stores and knick knacks i could accumulate, i loved the food and the ambience. the friendly personalities of the people i came across, and the mix of cultures.

in amsterdam i loved the vastness of the city. for such a small country, the places there made you feel small. like london, the city was fast and hurried, the countryside calm and peaceful. it felt like i ...

• "the fallen angel" - Alexander Cabanel
• madame de pompadour" - Maurice Quentin de La Tour
• "antoine laurent lavoisier and his wife marie anne pierrette paulze" - Jacques-Louis David
• "the three graces" - Edouard Bisson
• "vengeance is sworn" - Francesco Hayez
• "st. elizabeth of portugal distr." - Daniel Gran
• "diopter universal instrument" - Erasmus Habermel
• "portraid de femme dit de simonetta vespucci" - Piero di Cosimo

january

• listen before i go - billie eilish
• jupiter - gold revere

february

• the other side of paradise - glass animals
• babydoll - dominic fike
• dirty af1s - alexander 23
• say so - doja cat
• goodie bag - glass animals
• only in the west - yeek
• bloodsucker - flowars
• comme des garçons - jiwoo
• drugs - upsahl

march

• tinder song - victor internet
• rosie - loveleo
• numb - men i trust
• city of angels - 24kgoldn

it was raining today, and i want to think the sky cried for him.

there's not many words i can muster up in memory for him, but i want to keep this written down so that i don't forget about this moment.

9:15 am was when he went.

i hope he wasn't in pain, and i hope he knew he was loved. i wish there was more for us to do, but there is little during this state of the world.

i hope he's not in pain anymore, that he can breathe like he did before, move like he was no longer bound by strain and speak freely.

i hope he knows that we are here, we love him and we will miss him.

• solace and sanctuary
• grey grey grey
• how can it be that your lips taste like honey but your hands hurt like knives
• i'll tell you someday. another time
• you'll tell me someday. another time
• you were a fool for me, and i was the same
• i dropped my head and my eyes rolled away
• you say all the bad words for me
• trace the things you won't say to me on my skin
• only for you i'll believe you'll stay
• i whisper your name into the abyss of my mind
• blessed are the merciless, for at the gravest time, their perpetrator will too be merciless
• i inhale deeply the scent of your love, and exhale a breath of serenity

what is the feeling of emptiness?

is it sometimes the hunger i feel? or the

existential void that creeps up when i don't expect it?

what makes me feel empty?

i ate this morning, enough i think

to last me the day.

but my stomach hurts.

and my heart.

my heart hurts when i least expect it.

coming home from a busy day;

sitting down in my chair and looking,

at my screen

or at the wall,

i am suddenly tired

my mind is now caught up with the state of my body

and i think i have to sleep,

now

and to bed i go

into my dreams i go