january

• back to uni, klausurenphase, trying to find a reason to stay alive, angry at everything, i want to start art journaling, thinking a lot about jungkook and namjoon, music

february

• music, free time, doing whatever i want, still feeling stuck, creativity, art journaling, reading, spending a lot of time alone, walking for hours through bookstores, libraries and cute shops while listening to my favorite music, met friends after a long time, girlhood, looking forward to ramadan, wanting to do better but struggling, namjoonification of my brain

march

• ramadan, crocheting, getting back into a routine, trying to build a new connection with god, feeling extremely ungrateful. do i want to sabotage myself? do i not want anything good for me? - depression, life altering events, watching hobi live for 12 hours, watching his concerts (comfort!!!), getting closer to my cousin again, started a new diary, hating work, holidays, thinking about all the shit i still have to do for uni but never starting, realizing that maybe it's okay to crash out, i did my best, it is what it is, don't take life so seriously

april

• back to work, touching grass in an attempt to cure depression, i think i feel better?, uni stresses me out, bts makes me happy, reading (i got a kindle!! yay!!), eating well and moving, my meds are working fine, i lost weight. classes. i hate my job and i'm thinking of making a change

may

• weight loss going well, i feel ugly, struggling a lot with productivity and skipping uni, thinking about the near future. i really wanna quit my job. hobi live viewing soon. making online friends and feeling loved. i'm reading alot and i love my kindle so much. family drama. trying to reconnect with god. jin's new album. listening to face. nervous about bts' comeback. hobi live viewing was amazing!

june

• family drama resolved, met my sister and niece, had an amazing eid with the whole family, cousins slept over, met bestie after 4 years again, spent a lot of time together, did an amazing job at my presentation, had the best festa week imaginable (staying up for taejoon + jikook discharge, 130625 livestreamed hobi seoul concert with jinkook performance, seeing yoongi for the first time and tannie reunion), thinking about going to hobipalooza, feeling nervous, bad mental health again due to religious guilt and being unable to reconnect with god, trying to get back into a gym routine, watching what i eat, trying to work on my research paper, amazing weather and i'm happy because of that, trying to get into new genres of music

july

• travelled to leipzig with cousin, stayed at sisters place. met my sisters friends, spent some time together, leipzig was amazing and i surprisingly loved it! went to the cutest cat café, everyone was so nice and then left for berlin to see hobi on the same day. my first time seeing a tannie and it was one of the most memorable days of my life. i had so, so much fun. i remember jumping and singing, everyone around me was having the time of their lives and hobi was CRAZY that day. thank you for one of the most beautiful days ever :') got sick right after it, but still had an amazing time back in leipzig. we went out for sushi and matcha so many times i stopped counting...feeling #young and #trendy. skaba by akhras will always remind me of that trip <3, too overstimulated to think about the #bad stuff, thankfully

august

• too many people at home, surrounded by people all the time, really overstimulated. thinking about my future. should i make a plan? i decided that i want to live for the moment, make short term plans, i will eventually figure it out, right? had a lot of fun with my beloved niece and my cousins. went to movie park and had an amazing day, i missed it so much and i plan on going again maybe next month without the kids. went to amsterdam and zandvoort, saw the beach for the first time in my life (at least conciously. i don't remember the libyan or egyptian beach). met beloved twitter friends, i hope that i get to meet more. my absolute highlight: went to see seokjin on day 2 of hamsterdam, i don't remember much but i was the happiest in that venue. i love him more than love. my tannies are reunited and live together and work together again. thank you bangtan for making me so happy and providing the #escapism that i need. i love you seokjinnie!! everyone finally left and i'm by myself again, i'm so so happy! finally time to be me again. thinking about next years plans. i want to have as much fun as i did this year. i hope it all works out. i have so much to think about, i want to be creative again and i want to listen to more music