• april 1st, 2015: pranks // someone vandalized the theatre // first read-through for the dual show // organizing for prom // RelevantSM
• april 2nd, 2015: competitive // skipped 3rd period // horror movie planning // memorizing lines // getting caught in a downpour in the walmart parking lot - i looked like i jumped into a pool fully clothed // 2 hour coffee date with Ashley and Bri // recognized by people i didn't know; "hey! you're Montana right?"
• april 4th, 2015: first time back at the creek in months - enjoyed my solitude // picnic with Jordan and Delaney // Shelby spent the night
• april 5th, 2015: early morning start: 8am // birthday call from Micah // Nigel picked us up at 9am, met Breanna and Jeremy at starbucks and got free coffee; sat outside in the sun // riding with Jeremy and Breanna to church; Breanna made an 18th birthday playlist for me // left the church service feeling like a different person; it was the first time i had ever connected with the words being spoken. i learned something today // Breanna, Nigel, Shelby, Jeremy, Van, Naomi, Sophie, Crystal // picnic and hike with Ken, Alycia, Cecilia, Lauren, and Katie; Cecilia baked me a cake and got me a balloon // legally bought eight lottery tickets; i wasn't ID'd at the first gas station so we went to another; the old lady working at the second one shook my hand and told me happy birthday // Lauren got me the perfect gifts; she knows me well // dinner with parents // Breanna's house with Nigel, Jeremy, Sophie, and Crystal; filmed a youtube video, made smoothies, played 'safe house' // late night talks with Bre and Jere on the front porch // best birthday i've ever had
• april 7th, 2015: "i'll always make myself free when you want to call" -e // shitty day // flowers, chocolates, and a card from Lacey sitting on my porch was a sweet reminder that not everyone and everything sucks
• april 8th, 2015: skipping first and second period to go to waffle house and starbucks with Lacey and Hayley // RelevantSM // joining the media team for Jeremy's company // hour long talk with Jeremy in the middle of a parking lot at 10pm; support and life advice; "the same exact thing happened to me before i met Bre, so i understand and i want to be there for you through this." - j // "i'm scared, man. i'm just fucking scared, you know? scared that this long distance relationship will fail. scared that i'm gonna fail. i don't want to go to college. this isn't what i want to do. i don't know what i want to do." - Nigel
• april 9th, 2015: woke up to a message from Van - "Hey Montana! I just wanted you to know that it has been awesome having you at Relevant! You bring a good energy and help everyone relax and have fun! Thanks for that!" // "If there was anybody in the world I'd call my best friend, nobody is more worthy of the title than you." - Nigel // wrote five new poems // performed and volunteered for Come Together For Kids, won two games of 'what are the odds', met new people, made new friends
• april 10th, 2015: film shoot, bonfire, tree swings, dogs.
• april 11th, 2015: construction 9am-12pm // lunch at chipotle with Nigel, Ashley, Ken, Alycia, Garrett, Ryan, and Lauren // back to Nigel's apartment; movie 43 again; longboarding through his neighborhood and recording footage on the gopro; going to the park; spending the night with Jen, Ashley, Corey and Nigel at Nige's apartment watching the mist; watching psych on netflix on the couch with Nigel until he fell asleep // hospital // "eres mi familia."
• april 12th, 2015: early morning start, getting ready, running errands, and breakfast at IHOP with Nige; a profound conversation that gave me several realizations // "you're the only person i've ever told these things to." // picking up Ashley, exploring the creeks at rotary park // back to my house, playing with Lakota, leaving for nashville // shopping, dinner, confidence.
• april 17th, 2015: Lacey's party // hearing your voice again for the first time in two months and falling asleep with you on the phone for the first time in five months brought me a joy i thought i had forgotten.
• april 18th - 19th 2015: "lay down in my arms instead" "i could die there happy" // pictures at port royal, dinner at liberty park grill, and prom // compliments and confidence // we left an hour early, went to walmart, spent $10 on starbucks double espresso shots, went back to Ashley's house, changed, took a power nap, headed to after prom // queen of laser tag, won $100, had the best time // left at 5am, drove to walmart and bought a tarp, drove to queen's bluff to watch the sunrise from the back of Daniel's car while it poured rain // listened to bon iver // "are you thinking about her?" "i'm always thinking about her." // breakfast at Daniel's // drove dad to the airport
• april 20th, 2015: 3 months // "i think my parents agreed to send me to tennessee" // "thank god i have you"
• april 21st, 2015: "remember when i said our love was eternal? i meant it."
• april 22nd, 2015: RelevantSM with my favorite service yet // Nate gave my number to one of his friends in chicago; he's helping me make connections
• april 24th, 2015: "i'm going to miss you next year," Wes said as she randomly hugged me and kissed my cheek // filming a horror movie // I want us to feel everything together
• april 25th, 2015: i wish you were my girl. // downtown, blackhorse pub, slushies, trespassing on an elementary school playground at night, right before a storm
• may 1st, 2015: starbucks and donuts with Tara, walking in late to the senior yearbook dedication, sitting on the gym floor with the class of 2015 with my arm around Nigel // field day
• may 6th, 2015: breakfast with Hayley, AP lit exam at APSU — far easier than anticipated // chipotle with Hayley and Lacey // rotary park
• may 11th, 2015: final night as a technician for the CHS theatre department. it’s been a wonderful three years.
• may 14th, 2015: opening night of the dual show; first time acting. I slayed. we slayed.
• may 15th, 2015: closing night // accepting my Oscar on stage as ‘thespian of the year’, giving an acceptance speech and trying not to cry even though Wesner was next to me crying and I could see Dave watery-eyed in the audience; ”thank you for being not just my teacher, but also a second mother, a mentor, and a friend. and thank you to everyone in the theatre department. you aren’t just my friends, you’re my family. you taught me what that word meant. I am forever indebted to you.” // flowers from Jillian, walking her to the car in the rain, ”yeah my mom thinks you’re cute as shit so congratulations” // belting the who in Bri’s car with Bri, Dennis, Ashley, and Ryan on the way to Steak n Shake // final outing to Steak n Shake after a show // didn’t get home until midnight. one of the most memorable days.
• may 18th, 2015: wrote a really sweet text to Nigel. his response? ”whatevs you only want me for my body :)” “you’re such a little shit” “I am but I’m always your little shit” “no one else is more worthy of the title”
• may 19th, 2015: final exam. done with high school forever. // downtown with Jillian, took her to the secret bridge I discovered with Ashley & co // stayed there for five hours that passed like minutes, laid my head in her lap as she played with my hair and we talked about everything and anything // ”I don’t want to make things awkward or make you pull away but I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you… I regret hitting send a millisecond after I did, fuck.” “no, I’m glad you did. I thought about it as well. there was a romantic feeling in general.” // ”I know we’re both in love with other people.” // uncle Tom arrived
• may 22nd, 2015: went through uncle Tom's entire music library on his iTunes and Spotify and found 38 new artists and downloaded 52 new albums. he's the coolest uncle. // Robert arrived // cooked out.
• may 23rd, 2015: graduation day: brunch with Nigel and Ashley at iHOP, setting up enos an hour before graduation and staring at the sky because we got there an hour early, grad ceremony ( "go get 'em and set the world on fire" coach Batson said to me as he patted me on the back and sent me to walk across the stage and get my diploma), taking pictures with everyone and anyone on the lawn, Chico drove me home, grilled out and had family and friends over, played volleyball and soccer, Dennis smashed cake in my face and I returned the favor // amazing, amazing day.
• may 24th, 2015: Lauren's grad party: amazing food, Nige's cousin visiting from Chicago is a competitive swimmer and kind of taught me how to swim, bonfire, started to sprinkle rain so we made a fort out of Enos and crawled inside until it started pouring and we got rained out, hung out in the basement playing air hockey and singing and playing guitar, gathered around in the living room with Lauren's family as we watched a dedication video for Lauren // Nigel, Anais, Lauren, Daniel, Lexi, Breanna, Jeremy, Jess, Mikey, Stacy
• may 25th, 2015: shopping with mom and Robert, treated myself to a new wallet and white high-top Converse // family day // this isn't the goodbye I wanted
• may 28th, 2015: uncle Tom flew back to California // Bre's house with Bre, Jeremy, Carl, Richard, and Travis
• may 29th, 2015: nerves running wild; dinner together at 6pm, walked to the secluded bridge at 7pm and watched the sunset together; "your eyes are so beautiful" "I really want you to kiss me"; walking back downtown holding hands; spending the night at her house, off and on sex for four hours in the middle of the night in between conversation
• may 30th, 2015: coffee and breakfast in bed // 15 minutes after getting home I missed her lips and her hands already.
• june 1st, 2015: sometimes your name travels around my mind and a few letters somehow get stuck in my throat. I have no other options but to force you out as tears.
• june 2nd, 2015: I will be myself again
• june 3rd, 2015: we were listening to the soft waves in the pond while we fed ducks after sunset. the air felt cold. her hand was warm. and even though I was only 15 miles away from home, I came back feeling like I was already light years away from who I used to be.
• june 4th, 2015: sex // waking up next to her is bliss
• june 6th, 2015: pool day with Ashley and Bri
• june 7th, 2015: pool day part dos with Ashley and Bri // tanned, kind of
• june 9th, 2015: unrestricted license
• june 11th, 2015: woke up at 7am, first time I've gotten out of bed before 11am in two weeks // gym day: arms and legs
• june 12th, 2015: OITNB season 3 viewing party with Ashley, Bri, and Alycia // penny boarding to Rotary Park with Ken, Bri, Ashley and Alycia
• june 13th, 2015: two hour gym session // Jillian's house at 3pm: met Hope and Faith; Jillian made me two bracelets, a mix CD, gave me a rose quartz ( "it's the stone of love" ), and spent two hours trying to find her FIFA game for her xbox; Jillian's mom let me borrow her car; went Goodwill shopping; ordered Five Guys and took our food to Queen's Bluff where we sat on the hood of the car with blankets watching the sunset; held hands on the drive home; stopped at the creek in Jillian's neighborhood and fed the ducks french fries; laid down on blankets in the field and pointed out constellations; went home; learned about kpop
• june 14th, 2015: played FIFA at 4am then Mario Cart with Jillian and the twins; watched the sunrise; went to bed at 6am
• june 15th, 2015: sorted out my debit card // ran errands // visited April at work // Canon 50mm f/1.4 lens arrived
• june 16th, 2015: Daniel's party: hammock on the deck surrounded by fairy lights, drinking soda out of classic coke bottles and listening to John Mayer; Daniel cooked everyone dinner and then taught me how to make lattes; bon iver vinyl from Daniel; bonfire; iron & wine and the avett brothers playing on the record player; didn't get home until midnight // "the weight of lies" by the avett brothers
• june 17th, 2015: the fair: met up with Ashley, Bri, Dennis, Ken, Alycia, and hURB before also meeting up with Jillian, Hope, and Faith two hours later; I can't handle big rides like I used to, my anxiety is too much, but I had fun anyway; all of my friends trying to get Jillian and I to date even though we basically already are; spent $25 to win a jumbo teddy bear for Jillian; took polaroid pictures; cuddled in the back of the car on the way home past midnight
• june 18th, 2015: Jillian's house: explored her neighborhood; took pictures; waded into the pond after she convinced me to; cooked fried rice // 2am phone calls; crying; "I don't think I am strong enough to wait until you realize that you deserve better than me"; "I'm too attached to you and I'm setting myself up to be heartbroken"; "you don't understand how long I want to be with you, it's awful and silly; however I have never been so sure that I am going to end up fucked"
• june 19th, 2015: I'm glad you're still here
• june 20th, 2015: early morning gym session with Ashley // hiking through rotary with Nigel, Ashley, Alycia, Ken, and Daniel; climbing trees; carefully navigating the creek so I don't fall into the water and destroy my camera; talking about God // trespassing on private property and hiking to the rock quarry and sitting on the edge of the rock with our feet dangling over the cliff // 83 cent ice cream cones at BK // exploring Miss Lucile's antiques, fighting over an Olympus film camera with Nigel only to find out that neither of us could afford it // deep talks on the ride home with Nigel
• june 22nd, 2015: errands and shopping in the morning // Jillian's house; painting, making out, and studio ghibli // 4:30am phone call ( "we've really got to start going to bed earlier" )
• june 23rd, 2015: haircut // finances // packing for Chicago
• june 24th, 2015: left for Chicago // seven hour car ride // Chicago pizza
• june 25th, 2015: first day of orientation was a success // finally met Natalia // the moment I step foot on campus, I knew this was the place for me // Joey, Chris, Oreoluwa, Andrew, Shelby, Andy, Abby, Darshan
• june 26th, 2015: last day of orientation // orientation was incredible // I was made for Loyola
• june 27th, 2015: Robert's house
• june 28th, 2015: happy birthday // drove home // skyped Micah for two hours
• june 30th, 2015: Jillian's house // Chipotle // mall // found a bubble tea place in the mall // shopping // got lost after dark trying to find a lake // finally found it, sat on the rocks listening to the frogs and looking at the red full moon
• july 1st, 2015: Natalia drove two hours to see me // bubble tea and pretzels // long talks in the car
• july 2nd, 2015: doctor's appointment in the morning, updated records and got shots // went to the commissary on base for the first time in two years; it reminded me of my childhood // finally got an iPhone // video shoot for 4 hours with Jeremy, Nigel, and Kadeem
• july 3rd, 2015: OITNB // “you ever have a thing with someone that never really seems to be over even when it is?” // “lovers never meet — you’re in each other all along.”
• july 4th, 2015: Breanna's house // neighborhood firework show // setting off $200 worth of fireworks // camping out in the yard with Nigel and Sophie in the rain // Breanna, Jeremy, Nigel, Tyler, Sophie, Lauren, Jake
• july 5th, 2015: two hours of sleep, up at 5:30am // breakfast at iHOP with Nigel and Sophie because everyone else was asleep // tried on new frames // ogled at camera equipment in best buy // Skype for five hours, talked on the phone for two hours, fell asleep on the phone together -- I missed this // "my mom started praying for you in November and I don't think she ever stopped"
• july 6th, 2015: Jillian's house // emotional talk, I cried in front of her for the first time // met her dad who just got home from deployment // made sushi at 10pm // beautiful intimacy all night // one hour of sleep
• july 7th, 2015: Jillian made me a blueberry bagel with blueberry cream cheese and coffee for breakfast; we ate on the back deck // bike ride to the pond
• july 8th, 2015: business meeting for five hours discussing plans for Jeremy's company // productivity
• july 9th, 2015: business meeting with the whole team: discussed goals and plans, established mission statement // saw April
• july 11th, 2015: failed boating trip // Skype
• july 12th, 2015: Bri's surprise birthday party was a success; "thank you, thank you so much for everything. I couldn't ask for anything more, and thank you for being here for me and keeping up with my Tumblr. I reblog things I just can't say and it's nice to know at least someone knows what I'm really thinking. I love you and thanks for being true. True fam forever."
• july 13th, 2015: Jillian's house // Shogun with her and Tessa - we had the sweetest server and the cutest chef; his accent was thick and his English was broken but he was very sweet and funny // set off fireworks in her cul-de-sac and almost got run over by an angry old lady // played the Evil Within // actually got a nice amount of sleep that night
• july 15th, 2015: organized photos and started building my portfolio // created my website
• july 16th, 2015: business meeting // productivity // started work on the Get It Done music video
• july 17th, 2015: Daniel's house with Lauren and hURB // hiking through the woods at dusk // playing instruments when we got back to the house and making cappuccinos // got home at 1am
• july 18th, 2015: Mike's 50th birthday party // hung around Sarah and Alex almost the entire time // met a photographer, we exchanged Instagram names // planned a camping trip
• july 19th, 2015: Nashville: Costco // got offered a job as a photographer at a media marketing company in Chicago
• july 20th, 2015: woke up at 4am to shoot video for Get It Done // came home at 8:40am and took a three hour nap
• july 21st, 2015: spent the day with Jillian // played with the baby // Tessa left // prepped and cooked dinner with Jillian's family // played Devil May Cry on her Xbox until her dad took me home
• july 22nd, 2015: canceled bowling plans // video shoot for 3 hours, edited for 7 hours, left my laptop open to upload and passed out around 2am on the phone
• july 23rd, 2015: saw Isabelle for the first time in two years // hung out downtown and got lunch at Blackhorse before taking her home // "it kind of feels like I never left"
• july 24th, 2015: it's been a year since you flew here; I miss you // hardly talked to Jillian all day // business meeting // lonely
• july 25th, 2015: early start: 6:30am // picked up by Alex at 8am // drove two hours to Cummins Falls, met up with his friends Brandon and Francis // scaled a waterfall // lunch at an authentic Mexican restaurant, listened to crazy college stories // drove through Cookeville // went back to Francis' apartment before leaving again for Burgess Falls // most of the outlooks were closed, so we spent most of our time talking to the park ranger // back to Francis' apartment; smoked hookah, they did a line of molly, drank blueberry blackberry tea, played Smash Bros until it was time to go // beautiful sunset on the drive back to Clarksville
• july 26th, 2015: did yard work and gave Lakota a bath // didn't get to see Jillian as planned
• july 27th, 2015: day with Jillian // my steadicam arrived // Fredonia burgers and onion rings for dinner // grocery shopping with Jillian // frozen yogurt date at Berry Bear // spontaneously showed up at Tessa and Frankie's house // talked shit in the "shit circle" // once again, made a spontaneous decision to buy flowers for Ken's mom who just broke her knee // large wreck on Madison street, made us late to Ken's house // dropped off Tessa and Frankie later than expected // got home late, immediately started playing Devil May Cry // Hope and Faith came over // nsfw photos
• july 28th, 2015: stayed in bed all morning until 12pm // got home at 2pm // Daniel's house with Lauren and Alex at 6:30pm // baked three pizzas // laid in a hammock with Daniel on the screened-in deck during a storm // made Daniel an Instagram ( "#InstagramlessDaniel" is no more!" ) // got home at 11:30pm
• july 29th, 2015: hung out with Lauren, her younger sister Jess, and Jess's friend Annabelle // plans failed
• july 30th, 2015: miserable day // only redeeming quality was dad letting me borrow his BMW
• august 1st, 2015: Jillian's house // Chipotle, where we found a stray cat and her kittens in the parking lot; so we bought them chicken and gave them water // photos in a field and a barn
• august 2nd, 2015: met up with Ashley // printed prom photos // took photos of her downtown // she stayed for dinner
• august 3rd, 2015: afternoon with Jordan and Nigel // failed adventure to the art gallery so we went to a cute cafe instead // went to Alex's house and played ukulele
• august 4th, 2015: orthodontist appointment // yelling // dorm shopping // miserable
• august 5th, 2015: spent the day with Ashley and Bri // lunch at Blackhorse // boba tea at the mall // played with kittens at Petco // Target
• august 6th, 2015: meeting // video shoot
• august 7th, 2015: I wish today was a celebration // sore throat // shopping: new pants, button down, and 14 pairs of panties for $54 // April came over // spent every moment missing you.
• august 8th, 2015: Zumba for two and a half hours // out to dinner with April
• august 9th, 2015: Jillian's house // played bean boozled with Jill and Tessa // her mom started getting emotional because she thought today was the last time she'd see me before I left for Chicago (aw) // drove to Riverside and got ice cream // Walmart // drove through the neighborhood I grew up in for the first time since the day I moved out nine years ago; everything was smaller than I remember, of course; my old house looked different - the white picket fence was gone, the playhouse my dad built me was gone, but the giant pine tree in the backyard was still there // went back to the bridge downtown where I first hung out with Jillian and where I kissed her for the first time // took pictures, held hands // Walmart again // filled up her mom's car with gas // back to her house where Tessa cooked us pasta and we made pizza and cheesy bread sticks // her dad drove me home and Jillian and I held hands in the car // bought Jillian gifts
• august 11th, 2015: talented photographer added and messaged me on Facebook - holy shit
• august 12th, 2015:hung out with Lacey for the first time all summer // brought her Starbucks // played with her 3 year old brother Drew// arguments with mom // good day turned shitty
• august 13th, 2015: arguments throughout the day // final DY meeting until I'm home for break: said goodbye to Breanna, Nigel, and Jeremy
• august 14th, 2015: haircut // Jillian's house // beat the boss level in DMC finally // drove to Casablanca to pick up dinner and picked up Tessa on the way back // banter and laughs at the dinner table with Tessa, Jillian, and her dad Jason // Jillian wrote me a three page letter // hung out with the twins before Jillian and I laid a blanket in her front yard and cuddled while stargazing; saw 5 shooting stars // Donna shuffled everyone out of Jillian's room so Jill and I could be alone // spent the evening taking pictures and holding each other // sex // fell asleep intertwined
• august 15th, 2015: began the morning with sex // baked cinnamon rolls and made coffee // sat on the kitchen floor with Jillian just holding each other // said goodbye // cried when I got home.
• august 16th, 2015: 9am phone call: I'm here for you always // packing - or at least attempting to // lazy
• august 17th, 2015: visited CHS (more like snuck into CHS) // said goodbye to Jillian and all of my friends
• august 18th, 2015: arrived in Chicago
• august 19th, 2015: move-in day: said goodbye to my parents // smoked a blunt on the beach at night with Natalia, Grace, and Brooklyn
• august 20th, 2015: stumbled upon a beautiful beach with Darshan and took pictures // first Uber ride // trolley tour of Chicago // party in San Fran: got busted // walked home at 3am by myself
• august 21st, 2015: meeting after meeting // convocation // lounge hangs
• august 22nd, 2015: rode the L for the first time // explored downtown with Matthew, Natalie, Alex, Darshan, Andrew, Paige, Riley, Chloe, Taylor, Holly, Shelby, Cheyanne, Edward, and Molly // stumbled upon a Slut Walk, took pictures // Saturday Night of Comedy featuring Retta from Parks & Rec // failed beach attempt // party until 3am in some dude's house // hanging out in Matthew's room until 4am // sleeping at 5am
• august 23rd, 2015: grocery shopping with Darshan // chill day
• august 24th, 2015: first day of classes // hung out in the lounge // Skyped with Bri Garcia // FaceTimed Jillian
• august 25th, 2015: bursar office // productive // FaceTimed Jillian
• august 26th, 2015: downtown again for dinner // did homework // rearranged Darshan and Salvo's room // FaceTimed Jillian
• august 27th, 2015: FaceTimed Jillian // class // productivity
• august 28th, 2015: tried to see the hypnotist show: sold out // took a 20 minute train ride to walk 20 feet from the CTA station into a McDonalds to eat, then took a 20 minute train ride back to campus // pre-gamed // party, party, party
• august 29th, 2015: 6 shots of tequila, 2 shots of vodka, and 2 beers // took care of my drunk friends while I myself was drunk // party was busted by cops; I calmly walked away without being bothered by anyone
• august 30th, 2015: 2:30am : Jillian // productivity // laundry, homework, VMA's
• august 31st, 2015: class // homework
• september 1st, 2015: everything went to shit // millennium park in downtown Chicago with Alex M, Alex H, Caroline, Edward, Taylor, and Fiona; watched the Breakfast Club
• september 2nd, 2015: breakfast with Natalia // meeting at 9:30am; it went fine // spontaneously went to the beach at sunset with Natalie, Matty G and Caroline; it was wonderful and exactly what I needed // on the phone until 3am
• september 3rd, 2015: skipped breakfast; hungry all day // classes // took the L to target // beach at night with Edward and Taylor
• september 4th, 2015: first meeting for crafting cultures // beach
• september 5th, 2015: failed attempt to go salsa dancing downtown
• september 6th, 2015: studying in Belmont at a 24/7 Starbucks with Fiona, Kjo, and Andrew
• september 8th, 2015: probably not the best day of my life.
• september 10th, 2015: gave Alex H a haircut // studied in the IC
• september 11th, 2015: wrote for the first time in a while // lame party
• september 12th, 2015: went on a walk by the lake by myself // watched AHS with Andrew
• september 13th, 2015: studying in the IC from 3pm - 12am with two breaks in between
• september 14th, 2015: longboarding around campus at night // video games with Matt and Edward
• september 15th, 2015: How To Get Away With Murder // received a package from my mom
• september 16th, 2015: Micah's birthday -- I love you // actually went to theology class for the first time in a week // vacuumed, cleaned, and organized my room // rewarded myself with Chipotle // watched HTGAWM with Louis // fire drill // FaceTimed Jillian until 4am
• september 17th, 2015: philosophy class was canceled so I skipped my first (and only) class // slept in until 1pm // FT call with Jillian lasted all night // went to Target with Matt and managed to dodge the storm // sad
• september 18th, 2015: movie night with Natalie, Caroline, Matty G and Darshan // severe storms // pushed Kelly and Kristi's beds together, fell asleep in bed with Ethan, Alex H, Kristi, Kelly, and Kyle // woke up at 4:30am and walked back to my room, called Jillian and passed out
• september 19th, 2015: woke up at 7:45am; walked in five minutes late to a mandatory lecture that lasted from 9am-1pm // spent the day with Robert, finally met Andrew, and went out to dinner // was about to change and go to bed when Karl saw me in the hallway and asked if I wanted to go out tonight; I went, and it started off incredibly before it went to shit // Mayowa stormed off, drunk and upset, James got hit by a car but is okay, everyone was on edge by the time we got back to Simpson. This is why I prefer going out with my main friend group: we know how to handle ourselves and our drinks. // "everyone on this floor has a deep respect for you, Montana."
• september 20th, 2015: got out of bed late // laid in the grass on the quad reading // Starbucks // LC meeting // longboarded around campus // kind of started my philosophy essay // did nothing that I wanted to do today.
• september 21st, 2015: missed SOC 101 - woke up feeling faint, hot, and like I was going to vomit; emailed Dr Wedam and she kindly said to not worry about it and to just take care of myself // took my theology exam that I was unprepared for; finished in 15 minutes and I'm not sure whether I should be relieved or worried // spent a few hours in a Starbucks with Andrew doing my philosophy essay // gave up on it at 3:30am, FaceTimed Jillian and went to sleep
• september 22nd, 2015: missed SOC 205 - again. I really hate myself. // philosophy kicked my ass - pop quiz over readings I didn't go through because I was working on the essay. Pretty sure I passed anyway but now I'm drained // dinner crawl was wonderful // free Insomnia cookie // took a shot of vodka - I deserved it // FaceTimed Jill and talked to her parents
• september 23rd, 2015: woke up feeling like shit so I dressed up nice // skipped THEO // hung out with Matt, Louis, Taylor, and Mayowa // tried going to the beach, got kicked out by cops 5 minutes after arriving
• september 24th, 2015: went to all of my classes // got a lovely letter from Nigel // longboarded around campus by myself
• september 25th, 2015: dressed up, looked dapper as hell // worked a gala for GAA with Alex M, Alex H, Sidney, Lauren, Maggie, Alexa, Cate, Connor, and Andy // drank with Prof Derdak // two jack and cokes, vodka cranberry, red wine, white wine, "surprise me" // sat on a window ledge overlooking lake Michigan and the Chicago skyline // live jazz band // delicious food // competition to see who could sell the most raffle tickets // left the gala at 11:40pm, tried to go to Shake Shack: closed // had to deal with a drunk Alex H and Alexa on the train // got back to Loyola and they ran off and we had to chase them; got on the train and went to iHOP // Alex vomited on the train // stranded in Lawrence // finally got home at 3:30am, didn't sleep until 5am
• september 26th, 2015: woke up late // concert with Robert and Andrew // came home at midnight // arguments; blocked; goodbye; I'm going to vomit; empty
• september 27th, 2015: didn't get out of bed until 1:30pm; didn't shower // laundry // depressed // attempted to watch and take pictures of the supermoon: failed; but it was fun to be with everyone anyway
• september 28th, 2015: immediately left campus after my SOC 101 class and got on the train and headed downtown to meet Jillian // meet up in Washington Square Park and wanted to cry the moment we embraced // met up later than expected so we went back to Loyola instead // kissed a lot, touched a lot // she met my friends who are in love with her // dinner reservations at Uncommon Ground at 7:30pm; she loved it // sex and finally falling asleep intertwined
• september 29th, 2015: woke up at 11:30am, stayed in bed until 1:30pm // got ready and brought Jillian back Starbucks - she still wasn't ready // almost late to the One OK Rock concert // her mom bought me tickets // incredible show // her mom saw her hickey but played it off // late dinner at Quarantino's; absolutely delicious // said goodbye: cried
• september 30th, 2015: Donna texted me at 1am telling me how upset Jillian was and if I could surprise Jillian in the morning and go downtown with them - I obviously said yes // the look of surprise on her face that morning when I knocked on the car window filled me with so much bliss // she almost cried in the car // shopping in Chinatown and Chinese food for lunch // said goodbye for real this time: cried again // felt empty and like part of me was missing for the rest of the night
• october 1st, 2015: "I'll always come back to you; wherever you are. One day for good." // katelyn did henna
• october 2nd, 2015: Jillian told her mom about us; Donna's first reaction was "Montana HAS to go to prom with you. We'll pay for her to come back!" // took pictures of Andrew // everyone left for Fall break
• october 3rd, 2015: woke up at 1:30pm // went downtown, visited Millennium park, the Bean, Nordstrom Rack, and took pictures // "my mom told me that she told my grandma about us and that she's so happy lmao. she won't stop saying 'boys drool, girls rule'." // Five Guys for dinner // got three boxes of free Insomnia cookies at 3am // went to bed at 6:30am
• october 4th, 2015: got out of bed at 3pm // spent two hours in Taylor's dorm at Mertz // Giordano's for dinner // hot cheetos and mint gelato // chill night with Taylor, Ethan, Colin, and James
• october 7th, 2015: end of break // attended an event called "Let's Talk About Privilege"
• october 8th, 2015: skype for the first time in months. missed these moments.
• october 9th, 2015: Oak Lawn, IL, with Kulsum; met a Palestinian woman named Ibtessam and she told me her story and showed me her embroidery; took pictures; incredible time // went to the beach late at night with Edward, Taylor, Matt, Louis, and Sidney; everyone ran into Lake Michigan in their underwear in 50F temperatures
• october 10th, 2015: photographed a Cambodian museum and quilting event from 1-5pm // went to bed (kind of) early
• october 11th, 2015: up at 4:30am; headed to Fullerton to work the Chicago marathon at 5:30am; yelled out names of runners and shouted encouragement; almost blacked out; worked as a course marshal; finished at 11:30am // ate lunch at Five Guys with Taylor, had long talks // Skype // chill rest of the day
• october 12th, 2015: class in the morning // cleaned my entire room (fridge, microwave, keurig, closet, desk, etc), folded laundry, washed dishes, reorganized closet
• october 15th, 2015: celebrated Caroline's birthday with drinks
• october 17th, 2015: got a haircut // ate at shake shack with Louis and Sidney // dressed up nice and went out to dinner for Caroline's birthday
• october 21st, 2015: had my interview - got the job!! officially a photographer for Loyola's fine arts department
• october 22nd, 2015: drag show // got hit on? awkward
• october 23rd, 2015: SLI, volunteering, exhausted
• october 24th, 2015: first day at work, worked 11am - 4pm; loved every second of it // hung out with Natalia, Grace, and Kasia
• october 26th, 2015: worst day that I've had in months.
• october 27th, 2015: second day of work
• october 28th, 2015: sociology exam // found out that Dr. Martin passed away on Monday. in shock // intramural volleyball match
• october 29th, 2015 - november 15th, 2015:
• november 16th, 2015: i will leave you in peace

end of list, cont'd in 2016