“sweet heavy scents of apple orchards – piles of leaves are tossed into the air – rakes scrape across lawns – flannels rest lazily – gusts of wind gently knock on windows – brown leaves glow gold under the warm setting sun.”

• from: vizy.
• to: him.

twenty one years ago from today marks the day a beautiful human being was born. and that person is you: jeon jeongguk. (god, how i wish i could give you a hug today!) not only is your day today, september 1st, but it also marks the third birthday i spend with you. and, oh my god, baby, i have so much to say to you...

first of all: thank you. for real though, i have so much to thank you for and i'm so, so grateful to have a person like you in my life. thank you for being born. thank you for being my safe harbor. thank you for being you. thank you for everything. i've gone through some really bad stuff during the past two years, but i'm here today. and it's partly because of you. you inspire me so much, jeongguk, i could go on the whole day ranting about all the things i love about you (your passion. your hard work. your personality. everything.)

if you asked me, two years ago, if i was happy with myself, i would most likely say 'no'. but thanks to you, baby, i can proudly say i'm learning how to love myself. day by day, it's a different struggle, but i'm trying. and that's the most important part of the "oh-so-famous path of loving yourself." i believe you will never be a hundred percent happy on your own skin, but, someday, you kind of start dealing with it. not for me, though. thanks to you, jeongguk, i could start loving myself for the way i am. the way i was naturally born. i started loving me for me; i'm beautiful the way i am.

i love you so much, baby, i find this feeling very amusing & unique. maybe i'm just in love with the idealization of you. i don't know. maybe i won't honestly ever know. but one thing is true: it's the most beautiful & healthy idealization someone has ever created in their head. today is your day, my love, and i wanted to wish you a very happy birthday. may you always spend it with the ones you love the most. hope you're always doing well. thank you so much for everything. and especially for being born. i love you. ♡

you are the cause of my euphoria...

• “day 1” by honne;
• “bloom” by troye sivan;
• “boy” by offonoff;
• “ultimately” by khai dreams;
• “paris in the rain” by lauv.

...when i'm with you, i'm in utopia.