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- there is a metaphor
- that we use in group
- for how we hide away our traumas
//
- a little cardboard box
- tucked way in the back of our brains
- where we stuff everything that doesn’t feel good
//
- i like to think
- of my
- trauma history
- as a long connected magician’s scarf
- that just keeps coming and coming and coming
- out of that box.
//
- each color is a different memory
- but they’re all roughly
- stitched together
- by the thread of my life.
//
- and when i pull on one memory
- the others
- slowly
- come with it
- and sometimes it is too much at once
- and the box tries to suck back the progress i have made
- on pulling out that scarf.
//
- and so
- to hold that scarf of pain and trauma
- in place
- while i slowly work on pulling out the stiches
- that trap those patches of memory
- in the thread of my life
- i wrap that scarf
- around myself
- and around friends and counselors and comrades
- so that I know it won’t slip
- and I pin it to corkboards
- and pieces of paper
- and my laptop
- and my beatup lawyer’s notepad
- and that holds it in place.
//
- it holds it in place
- long enough to rip out the stitches
- one by one
- so that i can let that pain go
- so that its not trapped
- in the thread of my life.
//
- and eventually
- i will have miles of thread
- and a stack of memory patches
- as tall as i am
- and an empty box
- that i wont need anymore.
- that i can throw out.
//
- and i will make
- a thousand patchwork sweaters and quilts
- that tell the story of my life the way i want to tell it
- and i will give them
- to everyone i love.
mar 1 2019 ∞
mar 3 2019 +
mar 3 2019 +