- f(x) - red light will always remind me of my days where i just read bunch of shoujo manga on mangahere on our family computer without a care of the world and how it literally destroyed my eyesight 10 years later.
- btw the manga that i read back them was kimi ni todoke, ao haru ride, takane to hana, mizutama honey boy, beauty pop, namaikizakari, l-dk, watashi no ookami-kun, and few others.
- on other hand, snsd - my oh my will be my anthem every time i open girlsgogame . com and play shopaholic games until i got my first ever red marks (was disimissed as me having bad eyesight tho, not me being addicted to online games)
- "I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGES" is a big core memories unlocker where i finally got my first phone and i play mystic messenger "SMARTLY" because i change my phone's time to fit my liking and I WIN because apparently no one is doing it like me
- also bit tmi but i don't like yandere characters because my first ever mysmes route is yoosung AND I WAS 13!!!!!!! I AM TRAUMATIZED AND CAN'T RECOVER!!!!11!!1!!!1
- speaking of trauma, a traumatizing core memory i had was when i had talent week or whatever it was and my mother push me for singing and i literally froze on stage and crying the whole song because i was paralyzed looking at the audience. what a memory
- after that i guess i just naturally develop social anxiety.
- sometimes i still had bad dream about this. doesn't feel good.
- another core memory is being a fucking lazy that i dont eat my breakfast because i dont want to fucking eat and the first time ever my father yelled at me because i make everyone late
- funny one i remember vividly when i was 4 and it's around christmas time and my grandpa had santa outfit and i literally wear the wig & fake moustache pretending to be santa and make everyone laugh.
- another funny one, my mother's esia has a ringtone for sms & call and both of them are my voice. i sang the whole bintang kecil because i was praised for being good at it in school.
- i had particularly good memories of bad things so i remember a lot of times my friends are angry at me and i think it impacts my social life until im 20 and i had no friend because i was so fucking scared of my friends being angry at me.
- i cry. i cry a lot. and i always remember the room that i was in when i cry. i don't remember the reason of every single cry, but i remember the color of the bed sheet or the shape of the tiles. i remember my shoes and i remember it was so fucking painful. so i cry again.
- i don't remember much of my teenage years (around 14-17) i guess it's just too painful to remember that my brain just shut it down; and i don't document much. i can't attain much of my memories around that time. and i don't want to. it feels like a pandora box that if i open it, a whole pack of monsters will came out.
dec 28 2022 ∞
dec 28 2022 +