- November 25: taking a break from fighting the province and hospital about my sons not being assessed for IBI therapy and feeling my blood boil in new ways I never imagined possible, picturesque snow in my backyard, good cries that release many pent up emotions, lots of coffee in the cupboard, channelling great music that makes me feel better and rise above the shit
- November 2: 11:11, morning naps and dreams, so many synchs with songs and music
- October 30: A wave of unbelievably strong synchs and the song postings, especially Funkadelic- Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts..Just wow, my whole life and way of being summed up
- October 24: making headway on costumes (thank you double-sided garment tape lol), unable to find songs today but I loved what I heard,
- October 21: having a long stretch of child-free day to sleep through migraine, or rather a whole body migraine
- October 20: Mixed tape #23- eargasm :), rainy day coffee, good conversations
- October 18: Feeling like my heart chakra is bursting, a wonderful music find last night, starting work on Halloween sewing project/Jessie costume for Brynn, mostly finished Peter Rabbit costume and one puffin costume to get started, feeling the creative surge and resisting getting out the knitting needles lest I get too many projects started that I don't finished- Not really working though!
- October 17: A strengthening channel and wonderful synchs everywhere I go, knowing, watching others waking up, the smile that hasn't left my face since yesterday afternoon, new song posts <3
- October 15: New songs that couldn't have come at a better time, especially liking Johnny Jenkins & Duane Allman- Voodoo in You
- October 14: time to relax after 2 very crazy weeks and the loss of my Gram- staying in lounging clothes and drinking coffee is underrated
- September 29: finding the best pairs of jeans, dare I say ever, that don't have major ass sag-age, bulky thighs and ultra low waist (I've had 3 kids but it doesn't mean I want Mom jeans or teen jeans made for girls who have never had a twin pregnancy), discovering at the same time you wear 2 sizes smaller than you did in April- Not a bad discovery, shopping for snowsuits done (now to hide from the shopping experience until Christmas- shopping is up there with dental appointments, gross food experiments at the back of the fridge, rush hour traffic and cleaning up projectile vomit out of car seats), feeling like it's all coming together
- September 28: Brynn happily announcing she want to go have a nap now (so so glad she's on the mend- Saturday to Monday were not good times for the little miss)
- September 27: Song 'gifts' after a crazy, intense day spent at the ER with Brynn (you seem to know exactly when I need them, thank you for the amazing gems <3), my Brynniecat on the mend
- September 25: Quiet Sunday lots of cuddles with feverish Brynn and singing together, beautiful sunshine outside, feeling a shift today
- September 22: new songs from the other day :), Stepping into my power snd hauling out my can of whoop ass after speaking with the OAC- The Dude does not abide..
- September 21: Yesterday morning's OBE- wow <3, the option today to have a nap because everyone was up during the night except Brynn, feeling like people are in my corner right now and I'm not alone through this autism roller coaster with my sons- Feeling like I want to step up into advocacy to change a flawed system- yes, this mom tiger's boxing gloves are on now
- September 19: Sunshine, perfect temperature out, no afternoon pick-up, shit getting done..when I feel like it. :)
- September 16: The first day that isn't filled by an appointment, what am I going to do? Nothing!! :D, new lovely songs <3
- September 14: Having a free morning to take a nap after a terrible night of tossing and turning and feeling upset that Ronan will soon have to stop IBI because of $$$$
- September 13: Undertaking a homemade Jessie from Toy Story costume for Brynn for Halloween and wondering how to make a puffin costume for Ronan (he told me he wanted to dress up as a puffin and bring his toy puffin with him so there would be a big puffin and little puffin :) )
- September 10: Laying under my duvet listening to the huge storm outside
- September 9: Everyone at school!!! Now to finally after 6 years, take that morning nap and have a cup of hot coffee that I haven't microwaved 10 times, 9:9:9, peaceful silence
- September 8: Adjusting to the 'new' routine of things,
- September 7: Feeling amused that I'm rocking out to Super Furry Animals while hand sewing a skirt, what an odd combo of things to be doing - today is a day that needs maximum bass, feeling the grief leave and now enjoying the peace and quiet,
- September 6: Hmmmm.....Serenity now, serenity now! (trying to laugh at the insanity of today and shuttling 3 children to 4 different places, trying really hard not to feel total panic. I think tonight will be good for a very long walk to de-stress), 2 out of 3 kids really happy to be going to school- that's a win, weather that's still summery
- September 5: Loving the fall weather and cool mornings, looking forward to everyone being at school even though the next 2 weeks are going to be chaos, looking forward to Folk Fest on the 17th
- September 3: feeling intuitively something amazing is about to happen, at peace, having my daughter give me the biggest hug when I saw her and hearing all of her stories about her trip, time alone to collect my thoughts, getting to take a big long walk to pause and reflect
- September 1: Song updates, coffee and quiet this morning, handling the flip and intense energy
- August 30: So much stuff done, hearing how much the boys are improving with the right help and loving to see them blossom
- August 29: Down 30 lbs, getting stuff done, Skype conversation with Brynn :)
- August 28: Back at home, song update on an evening I really needed to hear something, the feeling of fall in the air and hearing the crickets at night again, staying calm
- August 26: Chocolate flavoured coffee and 2 boys having hilarious pillow fight upstairs, nice dreams
- August 24: Missing my Brynnie Cat terribly while she's away in St. John's but delighted she's having a great time with her cousins, thinking of a compliment I once had "You glow like a Goddess", saying 'fuck it' to dishes and going to bed before 9:30.
- August 23: Laughing that Brynn is insisting on hearing "The Funny Meep Song" aka The Spanish Flea and that she too can't stop laughing when she hears it- Cue the memories of my Grandparent's wooden hi-fi stereo unit, CFMO radio, hideous plaid sofas and copious gelatin salads, finally having distance today to contemplate..realizing you can't keep playing it safe, merely existing in a routine for everyone else but you, when it makes you feel so sad
- August 22: Being able to have a nap for the first time in a very long time, even though it turned into more of a meditative state
- August 21: Rainy day jazz- John Coltrane's Blue Train album, greasy spoon style bacon and fried eggs to go with the jazz, finding a new road to go driving and breathtaking surroundings- Carp Rd. out to Fitzroy Harbour was just...wow (wheels turning again about rural living, I could wake up to those surroundings everyday)
- August 20: So glad the hour and a half of dental work awfulness is done - something really strange happened where in the middle of getting my teeth drilled I suddenly felt really claustrophobic and was panicking , feeling dizzy...This has never happened to me before and then it suddenly stopped, chocolate flavoured coffee, tzatziki sauce, driving around listening to NIN The Downward Spiral and remembering when I got the album and then realizing oh shit, this is like when my Dad used to drive around with CHEZ 106 cranked and I used to slouch in my seat embarrassed that my Dad was rocking out..Just give the kids a few more years..Muahahaha! :D
- August 19: Actually finding myself dancing when Let's Groove Tonight unexpectedly came on while grocery shopping this evening, subtly, a week of Amanda's help with all the craziness/Murphy's Law moments that happened, time to myself at the grocery store this evening, down 27 lbs,
- August 15: lyrics and updates - thank you xo, yesterday's outing to the Smith Fall's Railway Museum and finally a Gluten Free chip wagon for the boys- They loved both activities, making Pad Thai for the first time and green curry coconut soup with tasty results, feeling a big positive shift taking place
- August 10: being able to laugh about how ridiculous it was to wake up with broken central a/c during an extreme heat wave and then having the water heater also decide to break the exact same morning (Homer Simpson refrigerator tent party!!!!), seeing immediate progress with Ronan at IBI and knowing we can make amazing strides
- August 4: XL Tim's coffee with cream, the week nearing a close, the channel and automatic writing suddenly coming back- It's been quiet, enjoying some Pixar movies with Brynn before she starts junior kindergarten in a month, trusting in my abilities, looking forward to getting http://www.theponderspot.com/ up and running
- July 30: The feeling that a big positive change is happening, confirmations :)
- July 29: feeling at ease, Thai Coconut and Lemongrass flavoured chickpeas (I have the biggest hankering for Thai food happening over the last few days- Barrhaven, you need a sit down Thai restaurant!), remembering my amazing solo trip to Montreal this time last year and my one and only out-of-body experience to music and energy. Still no words to describe this :) It came close at Interpol's Bluesfest show but the Metropolis show was magic (It wasn't my first time seeing Interpol but this never happened at any of the shows I saw pre 2006), eagerly anticipating a marathon watch of Stranger Things (I do some pretty exciting things on my weekends)
- July 28: Hearing songs with the best lyrics and hearing them from a 5D perspective, new and amazing music and updates
- July 27: Grateful for no damage to the back bumper and the kids not being in the van when someone rear-ended me at a stop sign last night, the quiet after the kids have fallen asleep, IBI starting for Ronan in a few weeks, new songs on the playlist :)
- July 26: morning pictures, knowing life the universe and everything has your back
- July 24: Still thinking about Friday and the amazing energy at the Black Mountain show- the wall of sound was exactly the sonic blast my soul needed to dust out the cobwebs, 6:30 am Sunday coffee, beautiful synchronicites, looking out the window at my garden while at the computer, looking forward to more concerts
- July 22: Having just enough coffee left, day of concert excitement (ok, maybe I'm really excited...Just a little <3 ), being here in Ottawa, feeling the connection, listening to live music from a 5D perspective, being clairaudient
- June 30: A long weekend with some help and hopefully getting my home reno groove on (there's something satisfying about physical/creative work after having a stress rollercoaster of a week)
- June 29: A day that I didn't have to pick up Ronan having a severe meltdown at school
- June 24: The boys actually cooperating and getting dressed for summer playday at school, a yummy cup of coffee with 18% cream in it (so much tastier!!!), Brynn sleeping in until 8:00
- June 23: Better late than never..This year's backyard perennial garden, 17 lbs down, next year's school situation falling into place-3 kids in 3 different schools, things continuing to unfold
- Apr 16: Sunshine and warm weather, all kids in a good mood, new music :)
- Apr 15: Grateful for Netflix on PA Days while being taken down by a headcold for 3 days..No sleep makes me something something...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, seeing the gardening centres all set up- so ready to get outside and get stuff on the go!, feeling optimism. :), warmth and sunshine!
- Mar 23: Feeling rested?? I don't remember that feeling, a happy 3 year old with dark blue lips and teeth after eating a dish of frozen blueberries (she looks hilariously goth!), sunshine between snow storms
- Mar 21: March break is over!!! Having my space to breathe, pause and reflect again, song speak <3, knowing I'm on the right track and all is exactly how it should be, epiphany moments
- Mar 1: Taking a deep breath and being able to stay calm (cue head to keyboard), having some time to write and sketch and design and see some of these things come into fruition, sushi!,trying to get past this incredibly restless feeling- Bring on the bass!!
- Feb 28: Chakra Clearing meditation, tying together loose ends and getting shit done, like-minded friends
- Feb 24: Glad not to be driving out in the freezing rain, finding forgotten hot chocolate mix, 2 boys going to camp this summer and getting the ABA they need so badly
- Feb 23: So close, riding this high energy wave
- Feb 20: Time to meditate and collect my thoughts
- Feb 19: Being able to be at home when I feel cruddy and dizzy without having to make the awkward calling in sick phone call- crazy, vertigo-inducing energy happening right now, discovering I was here that whole time!!!- In the time before our knowing, the realization that the universe and serendipity has a funny way of working and that your own story is no exception....If I knew then all that I do now, being a lightworker and embracing it fully
- Feb 17: The Bleeks Rd. house in Ashton/Munster being back up for sale even though it's not yet feasible fiscally(dream house and property...not that I'm ungrateful for my home now, daydreams are nice though), spontaneous kitchen dance parties with my 3 year old (until she bossily says "No Mommy Don't DO that!" Hahaha, taking notes for future reference)
- Feb 16: The one break I had to close my eyes after an extra kids-at-home from school snow day, getting shit done....if laundry mountain and cleaning stuff out of the annoying cupboard in the kitchen counts, extra snuggly Gunther cats who sleep through snowstorms
- Feb 15: The kids being quiet and settled on Family Day, watching Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
- Feb 14: That song :)....It was beautiful and so nice to hear after a day in bed with the stomach flu xo
- Feb 12: Pixar movies and Mighty Machines on a PA Day (some calm to the chaos!)
- Feb 11: Being able to stay in on a really cold day, good/funny 5 am dreams, eating a secret Bueno bar huddled in the corner of the kitchen
- Feb 10: Days that move at a fast pace after a long night awake with a sick Brynnie-cat, all as it should be so it is, surprise Vibe Reports (not really a 'surprise' because it feels like something big is going on, but wonderful icing on the cake), wondering if a song will find me :)
- Feb 9: New music, trusting what I already know and letting it unfold, a fresh dusting a snow, feeling good,5 pm wow moments :)
- Feb 7: A Sunday "sleep in" until 8:30
- Feb 6: Synchronicities that confirm everything you know to be true <3, feeling so incredibly happy, playlists, making homemade pho and the kids wolfing it down, time to myself with higher self
- Feb 3: The snow day that wasn't (sorry boys but you really needed to go to school today- Sometimes Moms need breaks to regroup), music with fantastic basslines, astral travel, a tidy living room where there is no Lego impaling the bottom of my feet
- Jan 26: Enough coffee grounds to make a much needed pot of coffee, everything that's unfolded over the last few weeks and the new friends that have come into my life
- Jan 7: The phenomenal staff at ACES for their patience and perseverance with the boys and grateful for the school principal for giving the car a boost when the battery died today when I went to pick them up!, strawberry Pocky sticks and Chinese New Year white and milk chocolate Kit Kat bars, sleep ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz, The Vibe Report, when the right song has a way of finding me at just the right moment in time, new music that I would have never found myself that is completely amazing and gives me chills to listen to, trusting the unknown
- Dec 25: The smell of onions frying for stuffing (makes me think of my Granny), my head hitting the pillow after a very busy day
- Dec 20: Making snow flakes with the kids while watching Polar Express for the 50th time this year :), a whole lotta good coffee..5:45 boys....5:45 wake up to Ronan sneezing in my face, cuddles with the ever adorable Gunther cat
- Dec 19: The removal and demolition of the bathroom vanity (Muahahaha!!), 2 weeks of not making school lunches!! (Yes, that's actually really pitiful but it's just so awesome!)
- Dec 15: A rainy grey day with a 3 year old who actually wants to cuddle and watch movies (2 nights in a row of boys waking up at 4:12 am (both nights!) takes it's toll, equally nice, a sleepy, cuddly cat
- Dec 10: Stepping outside and seeing a sundog in the sky, watching the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Merry Christmas Mr. Bean with the kids and hearing them laugh hysterically
- Dec 6: The smell of fresh balsam in the house, driving home and catching a spectacular sunset
- Dec 4: My uncanny ability to have Doors songs follow me wherever I go!! Sure enough, go out for lunch and Light My Fire comes blasting on (Strange but true: since I was about 17 this has been happening and or Simpsons episodes... Certain episodes or lines get stuck on my mind, turn on TV and there it is!!) Anticipating Carrie's Weekly overview (what wild energy this week!), Brynn in love with her new boots and wanting to wear them everywhere-She's tap dancing around the house right now(she would wear them to bed if I let her!)
- Dec 3: The boys got ready for school without throwing things across the room or stalling (yay!!! Boys-1, Aspergers-0), head-cold-from-hell and ear infection (I'm 36 years old....wtf!) going away: Amy-1, cocktail of viruses the boys bring home from school-0), the first listen of Christmas season of Vince Guaraldi's- Charlie Brown Christmas album (my favourite)
- Dec 1: Being a foolish 36-year-old with 3 young children who get up at the crack of dawn, laying awake in bed until 1 am listening to The Caretaker's An Empty Bliss Beyond This World and feeling awe and full of deja vu at the haunting simplicity of sounds...Wow...I had chills, it felt like hearing music from somewhere before, from another life time- Miraculously, no one came in to wake me up to ask if I could build them a wind turbine made of Lego or fix a dinky car with 3 wheels until 7:30. :), Brynn nose rubs, "All as it should be, so it is"
- Nov 30: Random living room dance party with my 3 year old, the December edition of the Vibe Report, Myles making rapid gains and hearing how delighted his kindergarten teacher is with what he is doing during our parent/teacher phone meeting- So proud of my boys!
- Nov 29: Laughing so hard you cry and can't speak
- Nov 28: Happenstance music discoveries- Tycho is blowing my mind right now! Wow... Awake and Dive are really good albums...Really Really good, happenstance suppers that turn out to be exactly what you wanted (love cooking for others, but since GFCF diet for the boys a year ago, not much anymore. I LOVE that they're getting better though...Feeling inventive/inspired for Christmas supper at my place), the afternoon 'catnap' that was supposed to only be 1/2 an hour but became 2 hours
- Nov 27: Synchronicity
- Nov 26: The colour of the light at 7:09 am (I haven't seen a sunrise like this in a long time), being clearly in the mood for some bass- or at least how today's Youtube favourites list is shaping up
- Nov 25: Noticeable rapid-fire changes in Myles and Ronan and huge developmental milestones suddenly catching up, the boys suddenly taking an interest in playing music and me being more than happy to encourage it, hearing that Ronan had a really great day at school (he has been really struggling the last month and hasn't been himself), song riddles :)
- Nov 24: Waking up after the first snowfall when everything is still and quiet, getting the boys to school with minimal meltdowns (even though today was an exception- Thank you private ABA sessions! Eternally grateful), my daughter's imagination
- Nov 12: My head hitting my pillow tonight after a long night of sleeping smooshed into a twin bed with my 5 year old. 3 am just isn't breakfast time...
- Nov 10: When I picked up the boys at school, Myles grabbed onto Brynn's hand and said she should hold his hand to stay safe and he walked her all the way to the car while I tried to hide that I was crying behind my sunglasses because he's completely indifferent towards her except when they play Lego and cars together, I lucked out and had my tablet with me to get pictures, the boys suddenly weren't afraid to play on the play equipment outside and climb up high and had a blast playing on the slide at recess- Truly grateful for how far the boys have come along
- Nov 9: A cooperative morning with the boys getting ready for school with no meltdown, Lego blocks being thrown or screaming that it can't be a school day (small victories :) ), coffee made at 5:40 that turned out awesomely (I should make coffee in zombie mode more often), Justin Trudeau's swift reversal of the muzzling of scientists implemented under Stephen Harper
- Nov 8: Making a stop on Franktown road while driving home last night and seeing the clearest view of the sky and stars without all the light pollution. I forgot how beautiful night time is in the countryside, Gunther cat purring himself hoarse because he was so glad I was back home.
- Nov 6: Hearing new music and having my mind blown, catching a spectacular sunset while driving on Perth Road tonight - I should have really stopped to take a picture. Then in a field next to the road, 2 deer grazing side by side.The timing was perfect.
- Nov 5: Feeling connected, the warmth of the November sun on my shoulders as I went for a walk with Brynn this afternoon and the sweet smell of the leaves.
- Nov 4: The kids let me sleep in until 6:30! (I know, pretty awesome), the shift in energy, wanting to go play music again and see what I create, even though I'm exhausted - Feeling creative again. :)
- Nov 3: Stepping outside into the sun and warmth to get some glorious Prana, Dutch candy spice cake that I forgot I had! (thinking of you Gran)
- Nov 2: Randomly falling asleep next to Gunther because he's ridiculously cute when he sleeps aka the Hypnocat Effect, watching Mr. Roger's Neighbourhood on Netflix with my daughter and remembering watching PBS when I was a little kid in the early 80's and the feeling of awe and happiness I felt watching that show, a really mild November day in Ottawa
- Nov 1: Snagging the last piece of goatsmilk Gouda (victory is mine!), driving around under an ominous cloudy sky and having the sky open up into bright sun the moment I arrived where I was going, feeling I'm exactly where I need to be
- Oct 31: Watching my Autistic sons LOVING Halloween this year and having a blast trick or treating and my daughter dressed up as a strawberry
- Oct 27: Being up so early that I saw the full moon setting (not so much the early wake up part), having time to journal and collect my thoughts, standing in my driveway looking at the beautiful hazy full moon tonight, the VR, getting the last carton of chocolate almond milk at Metro- 5:30 will be filled with two boys hopefully eating breakfast happily and quietly while I put on my tankard of coffee
- Oct 26: Scoring the one almost all blue roll of SweeTarts from the Halloween candy! (flippin' sweet!), new bathroom light fixture, the boys having a successful full day at senior kindergarten and staying until 3
oct 27 2015 ∞
nov 25 2016 +
nov 25 2016 +