scale: JarJar -- Luke -- Anakin -- Jabba -- Han Solo -- Greedo -- Lando -- Yoda -- Vader -- Boba Fett

• Rolling Stones, "Shine a Light" sdtrk: (LUKE). Take all the RS songs you know, and then muzak-ify them while played live. Boring. You can get this as a flash-drive wrist band too! How avant garde!
• REM, "Accelerate": (GREEDO). Critics are shitting themselves because this album doesn't suck as much as anything REM has done in the past 15 years. It's not bad, but then I haven't liked anything they've done since "Document."
• Kylie Minogue, "X". (LUKE). OK, it's dancey in that generic dance way. Beyond that there's really nothing to it.
• Janet Jackson, "Discipline": (JARJAR). Shoot me now. No, really.
• Panic At The Disco, "Pretty. Odd" (LANDO). They've tried to mature by listening to a whole lot of the Beatles. You know what? It kind of works. This album is catchy, and I find myself humming along despite the fact that it's Panic At The Disco.
• She & Him, "Volume One". (GREEDO) This is an indie rock snob's wet dream-- M. Ward paired with artsy-hot actress Zooey Deschanel. She sounds exactly like Carly Simon. No really EXACTLY. They do Carly Simon-esque songs which are OK, but the schtick gets old kinda fast.
• Vampire Weekend, "Vampire Weekend" (YODA)-- everyone loves this band to pieces. They're like the cheeriest moments of Paul Simon's "Graceland" with somewhat quirky lyrics. It's fun. You'll be singing along.
• Flo Rida, "Mail On Sunday" (ANAKIN)-- where the heck did this rapper get his name, and who gave him a record deal? He can't really rap, and his production isn't even that good. What. Evar.
• Gnarls Barkley, "The Odd Couple" (VADER) I like it. It takes pretty much what they did on the last album, and makes it slightly more fluid and more effortless sounding.
• Van Morrison, "Keep It Simple" (LUKE): WILL HE EVER STOP?!? Come on, Van, retire already! This album sounds pretty much exactly like all his other ones, except possibly a little more generic-white-guy-blues influenced. Aaack.
• Moby, "Last Night" (JABBA) : Holy crap! I'm in a time warp! It's 1995 again! Somebody needs to smack this bitch up.
• Various, "In The Name of Love: Africa Celebrates U2" (LANDO): it sounds like a nightmare, right? Afrobeat artists covering U2? It's actually kind of a fun CD.
• the Apples in Stereo, "Electronic Projects For Musicians": (JABBA) I like this band, but this CD is way less catchy than their other stuff, it's kind of repetitive and the lyrics are cloyingly precious in places.
• "Juno" soundtrack (JARJAR'S PIMP)-- I wanted to see this movie; it looked cute and quirky... until I heard the soundtrack and wanted to rip my ears out with a rusty spam can lid. The Moldy Peaches really don't need to go mainstream. Seriously, DO YOU HEAR ME, RECORD PEOPLE? Kimya Dawson needs to languish in obscurity some more.
• Seal, "System" (LUKE): It's 1995 and I'm trapped in a Honda commercial. Generic techno really needs to die. Not even Seal's allegedly talented ass can save it.
• Nick Cave, "Dig!!! Lazarus, Dig!!!" (VADER) I love Nick Cave. He is the dude that you don't want to meet in a dark alley. This CD rocks.
• Nine Inch Nails, "Ghosts I-IV" (LANDO) Ol' Trent Reznor's trying to exercise his classical music training by making a purely instrumental record. A lot of this sounds like avant-garde minimalist composing. A lot of this also sounds like the background to a coffee commercial. I like it, but it's kind of teetering on the brink.
• Cut Copy, "In Ghost Colours" (STILL DECIDING)-- I haven't heard this enough to have a definite opinion. I think I like it. It sounds like... Cut Copy, but that's a good thing.
• The Foals, "Antidotes" (VADER)-- I am currently obsessed with this album. It's dancey modern Britpop (i.e., Gang of Four rip-off music), but with a lot of different layers of music going on. the lyrics are either indecipherable or just dumb, but it's part of the charm.
• Magnetic Fields, "Distortion" (VADER)- they unabashedly rip off the Jesus and Mary Chain, but somehow it works.
• Lupe Fiasco, "The Cool" (YODA)-- less preachy than the last album, and every bit as creative and awesome.
• Radiohead, "In Rainbows" (VADER)-- it's the better slow moments of OK Computer distilled down.
• Cat Power, "Jukebox" (ANAKIN) Ooh, you're a hot chick with a sultry voice that indie rock boys wanna do. You're covering obscure blues songs. Yippee.