It might seem strange to some, but I never fell in love with anyone.

It took me a few years to come to terms with the fact I was aromantic (in addition to asexual, though I noticed the latter since years), or more simply put, that I felt no attraction toward others. I first assumed this also applied to fictional characters ; it isn't rare for aromantic-asexual people to feel some sort of attraction toward 2D characters only, but I personally never truly felt myself be completely under the charm of a character. Sure, I've had passive "crushes" on a few fictional women, but these were weak, way more akin to a simple aesthetic attraction or admiration. That was, until I encountered Haku from HSSH.

I've properly met you during the afternoon of the 23th December of the year 2023, a Saturday before Christmas. I had baked a very tasty raspberry and chocolate flavoured yule log on the day before, and I vividly remember eating a portion of it while I was playing through the demo of the game, which had released on this day. Somehow, I associate the bitter and sweet taste of this cake to you, and the lovely game you're from.

To be more specific, I first saw you around early 2022, while browsing a database which I don't use anymore. I saw the title screen illustration, featuring you, and thought you were pretty. Then, in July 2023, I randomly found the official site of your source, and read the character's pages. Once again, your design caught my eye, and I quickly doodled you on my computer, then in a sketchbook which I accidentally lost.

During your first appearance in the demo, at the end of the first in-game day, I was instantly intrigued by your introduction. White glowing hair, and a stern, cold and inhuman-like quality to your expression. The narration describes you as ressembling a painted masterpiece having come to life more than a person, and this couldn't be more true.

Your second, or proper introduction, at the start of the third in-game day, also left a strong impression on me. As soon as your sprite appeared for the first time, and I finally locked eyes with you as you spoke in a noticeably slower pace than any other characters, I knew it. I was doomed. It was love at first proper sight.

It got worse once your cold but obedient and already-painfully-relatable-to-me assistant appeared a bit after, and the relationship between you and him got clearer, officially making me realize I was Double Doomed. Doomed to love you and the complicated relationship you have with that guy who I name my personal accounts such as this page after, and who is the first character in fiction to be... quite literally, just like me. Down to the undying love he feels toward you.

Anyway, this note isn't about him, maybe he'll get one later, but let's go back to the main topic. You, the mystic and mysterious Bishop of the Purification Department, dedicated to led lost sheperd to salvation, sometimes by force if needed.

Sometimes I fear I don't do you justice enough, as parts of your character are still unclear, likely on purpose. You're a difficult character to approach, both inside the story or as a written fictional entity.

I like to compare you to the kind of white marble we can find in cathedrals and churchs ; pure, blindingly white, but also tainted by a force you wasn't able to fight against, similar to the scars adorning your body.

Your charisma is enchanting, and your power terrifying. I love it all, every trait of your personality, even if it's arguably unpredictable.

Your last name reminds me of the French word "éclairant" or "éclatant", "illuminating" or "bright, dazzling". After a friend commented on it, I noticed that your first name was similar to "空白", 'kuhaku' ; "blank" in Japanese. All of this paints once again the image of a white item, maybe a sheet of paper or canvas. You've been my main muse since more than a year now (along with that guy I mentioned before). I love to draw you under every angles, hoping that one day, I will properly represent you as a masterpiece.

You bring me happiness, peace and relief. But also sadness, pain and grief. You're far from being perfect, there's even a few elements which I don't like about you but makes sense for you to have, and were you a real person, I would likely not like you. But since you're fictional, I can adore you to death. Thinking about you brings me a lot of daily joy despite it all.

I love bringing my little acrylic stand or my two keychains of you outside, to take pictures when I eat at a restaurant or at a cafe, or when I see a pretty view, or simply as a lucky charm resting in my belt pouch. It's like I'm bringing you (and That guy, since he's always following you even through my merch) over with me, to enjoy small fun things you can do in my random city. Or maybe it's a bit like we're on a date...

Lately, I enjoy imagining you relaxing in my bed alongside me when I head to sleep. Cuddling together, or simply lying on my sheets comfortably. Your life inside the story is harsh, so I try my best to portray you in comfortable scenarios in my mind or drawings when possible. You deserve to be resting, too.

I'm very particular about you, and shamefully easily jealous, thus I'm non-sharing. I'm a bit in denial over the yumedanshi term applying to me, as I never self-insert alongside you, albeit it's similar as I ship you with a guy who is literally just like me fr in...kinda every way possible. Yumedanshi by proxy. Yes yes.

Anyway, I like to call you my wife, my beloved, my love. You're the first character whom I feel so strongly about, and to who I have a deep, powerful longing for. My adoration knows no bound, and I suppose I will never feel that badly for any other fictional character in the future. It's more than ok - you satisfy me more than anything.

You're the only one for me. I'll make sure to love you today, always, and forever. ❤