I'm working at Environment Canada this summer, where we are the epitome of efficiency.

• Colleague: I just had someone call me and I'm pretty sure he was stoned. Boss: His group sounds pretty chill. We should go join them.
• Colleague: So we'll recommend that they restrict the use of these chemicals, and by the time a decision is made on them, we'll all be dead. Probably killed by those same chemicals.
• Colleague: I don't think these stats will make sense without twelve hits of acid.
• Colleague: If you're bored and want to waste an hour, break something in your office and give Francois [the handyman] a call. He'll teach you all the French swear words.
• Colleague 1: Schedule 2 of CEPA (Canadian Environmental Protection Act) has a list of substances that can only be exported because they're too toxic to use here. So we send asbestos to India and it kill people there, and they put in products and send it back, killing us. Colleague 2: I think we can send it to Australia too, so no worries, we're killing white people too.
• Colleague: This is as useless as tits on a whore.