SGB: hey. i wanted to say i love you so so much. you’re my best friend and i hope you know that. even though you’re.... you know. regardless i still love you. you got me through a lot of shot and i know things were kind of shit when we first met but i’m glad we pulled ourselves out of that mess. i loved shopping with you and trying on shit and buying things for the girls or even james. it was just a great experience and i’m glad i got to spend it with you. i’m sorry if i was annoying, i get that way a lot. i’m just glad you could help me through all the shit that was going on in my life. i especially wanted to say that i miss you so so much and i hope we can maintain the relationship we had back then. miss you 80.

BHR: jesus. where do i even start? an apology wouldn’t do shit. i am very sorry but there’s nothing that can be fixed with just an apology. we have to build up our relationship again. god, i really fucked up. i cheated on you and fell in love with someone else when i was supposed to be faithful to only you. it should have stayed that way and all of us would still maybe be happy. of course i don’t regret the product of the mistakes i made but jesus we’d all be so much happier. we’d still be together and going on strong. the boys wouldn’t hate me, especially joey. fuck.... tell him i love him too. and jake.... i just made a lot of bad choices and me ending my own life was the effect of it all. i died because i loved too much.... i loved you, god i loved you so much and still do. you weren’t the first love i had but you sure were the healthiest one. i loved the boys too much. i loved to watch them play sports and i love watching them play instruments. i loved watching my offspring grow up into fine adults. of course that never got to happen.... i loved mike too much. i loved him way too much for words to even describe and i put him through so much shit. i loved brixton most of all though.... i don’t know it was just probably something that had to do with me actually carrying him and having him that made our bond the strongest. i should have never left him though. i made a bad choice to leave and a bad choice to come back. i wasn’t loved anywhere i went because of those choices. i wasn’t loved by you, joey, jakob, mike and even brix i am pretty sure had a grudge against me somewhat although he was too young to understand adult stuff. i wasn’t wanted to the best choice was to leave it all. the only way to do that without guilt for the rest of my life was to end my life. of course not knowing that i would remember this now didn’t come to mind, but at least i got to meet a few people from back then. now all i need is you. please come back. i won’t fuck up again we can be close friends and maybe someday if i’m ever ready again we can get together. i just need to find you first and if fate decides to bring me back to you once more than i’d be happy to take the opportunity and cherish every moment with you. i miss you and i’m sorry babe for everything.