• What are some memories from my childhood that come to mind when I think about my relationship with femininity?

I remember always hating it because of being forced to be like this. i just wanted to play but my sisters always dressed me up, and hurried my childhood. want me to be delicate, and stuff. i wanted to rebel against it. i grew up and i all wanted was to be feminine. to be like other girls. i felt like an ugly shell because my friends were way more developed than me, and i was the ugly girl on the group. i hated taking photos, hated that no clothes used to fit in me, etc. at 13 i began to embrace this as my own feminility. a gray girl. and it made me feel better

• How have these memories influenced my beliefs and emotions around feminine energy?

nowadays i see feminility in lots of things. i see gender as a cultural gender, not a spiritual/anatomic one. i love girly girls, tomboy girls, and etc. i think i just love girls in general. for me, i like overfeminine things, like stylish lish things, but i appreciate all kinds of traits. i kind of hate the crazy borderline pick me gurl tho. but i feel like a girl when i'm delicate and when i'm not (mostly when i'm not).

• Have I ever experienced any trauma or negative experiences that have affected how I perceive being a woman? How have these experiences affected me emotionally and mentally?

the fact that most of my friends or ppl in my friend groups were men. i hated, HATED to be treated different. like a person who "doesn't understand" or something. like the fucking girl in the group. role:woman. i also hate to be idealized.

• What are the pressures I've faced, to conform to traditional gender roles or expectations? How has this affected my relationship with my feminine energy

all of the thing of me being the last girl to uhm get the vagina bleedy. i actually think i just overcame this by menstruating, but and the and of my pre-puberty i was conforming myself i guess. besides it, i went through all of the teenager thing of wanting to use large clothes and pissing of my family. i don't remember a really illustrative moment of this pressure. about my expectations, i never reached it. i thought i'd be a smart, chill girl w/ a chill boyfriend and stuff. i'm a freak nerd girl rn. also RIGHT NOW i'm struggling with being a female because my bestie's gf fucking HATES ME just because im friends with her boyfriend. and bc i'm a girl. wtf bitch i don't even know you. she tweeted "the being behind all of my insecurities is back" after i went back to school. i didn't do nothing to the girl and this really sucks. i hate girl to girl social pressure to hate.

• How do I feel about expressing traditionally feminine qualities, such as vulnerability, gentleness, or nurturing? Have I ever been shamed or discouraged from expressing these qualities?

i feel horrible. i am really sensitive and emotional and thats okay to be, but i HATE, HAATE expressing vulnerability. i hate it. i feel like i failed as myself. gentless is a basic thing. nurturing is soo cool. is a feminine-associated trait that i like very much.

• How do I feel about expressing traditionally "unfeminine" qualities, such as anger, assertiveness or wildness? Have I ever been shamed or discouraged from expressing these qualities?

i feel human. no, never. maybe being hot headed but this discouraging has nothing to do with being a girl.

• What is standing in the way of me expressing my authentic feminine qualities?

maybe stability? i love all kind of girls and i don't know in what category i fit in,, but i'm pretty ok rn

• In what ways do I internalise the suppression of my authentic feminine qualities? How can I show myself more compassion for who I am in each moment?

my need of fitting in is kind of in my way. i secretly always compare myself to other girls to find out what i am doing wrong. can i be cheerful, delicate while being cold and distant? i don't really know. i don't think i have a "girl" personality within my friend group. maybe my need of being like them is getting on my way to be myself.

• Have I ever been in a relationship where my authentic female expression was devalued or dismissed? How did this affect me emotionally and mentally? What could I have done or said differently?

no i think. my authentic feminility seems to be well received? wtf it means.

• How do I feel about my body and physical appearance? Why? Where have my ideas come from?

i feel okay rn even if i need to wear make up to feel like myself. this can be from cultural expression, for my extrovertised being of validate myself by social interactions, etc. i feel kind of bleh about my TITANIUM bc it kind of limits my movements and idk back movement is sooo sexy so girlish. but i feel pretty good rn

• Have I ever experienced negativity or trauma related to my body or appearance? How has this affected my relationship with my feminine energy?

YES. i hated being the ugly girl. i hated being misunderstood for a child. i hated seeing younger and having my words ignored. i hated that weird boys liked me because of my appearance. this maybe made me be attached to superficial feminine behavior