I want to be happy with myself. I want to have a job and help. I want to help. I don't want to live as a burden anymore. I'm just sick of asking for money. I'm sick of not doing the things I want to do. I want to go outside. Please god, help me, just let me go outside. I want to talk. Talk a lot. Say all the things I want to say. Not let them floating in my head. I want to have friends, not just one or two people. I want to run. I want to be skinny. A lot more. Being 52 o3 53 it's not enough. I'm just fat. And I want to study a lot. I just want to be good. Even better. I don't want to feel that I'm stupid and below others. I would prefer death. And I want to search for things and actually watch them, read them, and not just... read the name and keep asking myself oh, what is this about?, I don't want to imagine things anymore. I want to find things, and I want others to find me. And my hair... I want it it to shine and feel like silk. I want a good place to rest my head.