28/11/18 - 15:13. everything about this has become a little blurry afterwards. maybe because it was something so incredible and extraordinary that it made my brain overdose in a mixture of feelings and sensations that i had never felt before.

when i crossed that line and saw them there, i immediately felt like i was going to pass out and wake up in my bed, rubbing my eyes as i just had another cute dream. turns out it was actually real.

i remember phil opening his arms and happily saying "hi!" but i don't even know if i said hi back, as i was so overwhelmed in my own rushing mind, trying to understand what was happening. i hugged him and hugged dan, and i remember thinking "oh my god, is my head in his stomach? is he THAT tall?". i stood in the middle of them and covered my mouth with my hands, not really knowing what to say or do. i forgot literally everything that i had planned to say. dan said "should we take a picture?" and took my cellphone from my hands, which i thank him for doing, 'cause otherwise i would just be paralyzed while gazing at their faces.

i had to say something, though, but i couldn't really form any words (specially in a language that was not my mother-language), so, mouth still covered, i just let my thoughts out. "it's like, oh my god, are you even real?". what a stupid question, thamires. phil cutely laughed and answered "i don't know". i'm so glad for this man for never letting things be awkward.

they came closer to me and bent down (our height difference is more than 35cm). i wanted to be close to them, i wanted to enjoy this candid second as much as i could, so i held phil's back and dan's shoulder. phil held my shoulder too, so i automatically leaned a bit on him (and i love how you can see it in the pictures). i was actually embraced between the two men who helped me through so much during all of these highschool years. dan took the picture and i remembered that i wanted to do a cute pose as well, so i said right away: "can i take a picture like, holding your faces?" - my voice was so quiet because i was in shock and a bit embarassed of my english. "sure!" - they said at the same time.

i just closed my eyes and touched their faces. my beautiful baby boys, right there, in my hands. i was surprised because wow, they are men. they have beards. specially phil, there's a lot of facial hair going on in this chin. not that i'm complaining. i wonder what went through their minds when they felt my hand touching their chins. we took the picture and dan said, with the most wholesome voice i've ever heard: "oww, we're so cute!". dan howell said that i was cute. what a time to be alive.

he gave me my cellphone and phil gave me my book back. i remember slightly seeing him sign it at some point, but it was so fast that i actually thought that maybe he was the flash. dan said: "thank you for coming, we hope that you have fun!" and i answered in an, i swear to god, accidental flirting way: "oh, i definitely will".

i went to the back of the room to film charlie as she also met them, and that's when i could look at them properly. phil's eyes were so strikingly pastel-blue and dan's smile was the most beautiful one i've ever seen yet. god, his dimples! everyone knows that i've always been a phillie, but if i had to pick the most handsome man i've ever met in my life, sorry guys. it's dan.

i don't remember how it felt like hugging them, but for some weird reason i do remember the texture of phil's jacket. i hope i can find a similar one, so i can wear it and try to re-live this moment billions of times.

as i filmed charlie, she asked me to take a pic of them together, but her camera was broken and i had a bit of an awkward moment just standing there, panicking and going "wait, wait, just a little bit, where is it, oh, it's okay, oh no" (in which i'm thankful to them again for making the situation a bit better. they kept smiling and dan said "no worries" in such a chilled voice). i finally managed to do it, so me and charlie got together and said "thank you very much" again. dan said "we're so happy for finally being here" and that was the most genuine thing i've heard this day, after all that we all went through to make this event happen.

before turning back and going away, i sent a little kiss to them. maybe they saw it, maybe not. next thing i know, i walked to the door of the theater and fell on my kness. i don't even know if i forced my own body to fall down or if my legs actually got so weak that they gave up on sustaining me. i was looking like a mess, crying what i've been holding to cry since i woke up that day. charlie was also crying and rubbing my back. we were sharing the same emotion.

i kept crying in this position for solid 5-10 minutes, until a lady came to me and told me that i wasn't allowed to sit on the floor, so i tried to get up and left to the other side of the theater. ashely was there, and she told me some days after that when she saw me she got really worried, as i couldn't stop crying and couldn't speak properly. we sat with vi and licy and we all cried together while sharing our stories with the boys. i just wanted to turn around and run back to them, to their giant figures and their soft arms that for some reason felt so welcoming.

on that day, i cried more than i thought i would. i cried when they sang the interactive introverts song in the movie, cried in the middle of the premiere when dan told us how much he liked meeting his fans, cried when i was going home, cried in the car and cried when i got back and tried to tell my grandma the whole story. it wasn't sad tears, though (not at all). it was more of a "i finally accomplished my biggest dream" kind of tears. "i just had the best day of my life" kind of tears. "i love them so much" kind of tears.

and indeed, to this day and hopefully beyond. i love them so much.