in editing

• the entirety of trapdoor
• i will set my soul on fire, what have i become? i'm sorry. (ode to sleep)
• death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit. (heavydirtysoul)
• scared of my own image, scared of my own immaturity. scared of my own ceiling, scared i'll die of uncertainty. fear might be the death of me, fear leads to anxiety, don't know what's inside of me. (doubt)
• i'm not good with directions, and i hide behind my mouth. i'm a pro to imperfections and i'm best friends with my doubt. (the judge)
• you don't know my brain the way you know my name, you don't know my heart the way you know my face. (message man)
• let it be said what the headache represents, it's me defending in suspense, it's me suspended in a defenseless test, being tested by a ruthless examinant, that's represented best by my depressing thoughts. i do not have writer's block, my writer just hates the clock. it will not let me sleep, i guess i'll sleep when i'm dead, and sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head. (migraine)
• i hate this car that i'm driving, there's no hiding for me. i'm forced to deal with what i feel, there is no distraction to mask what is real. i could pull the steering wheel. (car radio)
• i wake up fine and dandy, but then by the time i find it handy to rip my heart apart and start planning my crash landing, i go up, up, up, up, up to the ceiling. then i feel my soul start leaving, like an old man's hair receding. i'm pleading please, oh please on my knees repeatedly asking, why it's got to be like this, is this living free? i don't want to be the one, be the one who has the sun's blood on my hands, i'll tell the moon, take this weapon forged in darkness, some see a pen, i see a harpoon. (ode to sleep)
• i know my soul's freezing, hell's hot for good reason. (the judge)
• there are things we can do, but from the things that work there are only two. and from the two that we choose to do, peace will win, and fear will lose. there's faith and there's sleep. we need to pick one please, because faith is to be awake, and to be awake is for us to think, and for us to think is to be alive, and i will try with every rhyme to come across like i am dying to let you know you need to try to think. (car radio)
• we used to play pretend, give each other different names, we would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away. used to dream of outer space but now they're laughing at our face, saying "wake up you need to make money." (stressed out)
• fight it, take the pain, ignite it. tie a noose around your mind, loose enough to breathe fine and tie it, to a tree, tell it 'you belong to me, this ain't a noose this is a leash, and i have news for you, you must obey me.' (holding onto you)
• are you searching for purpose? then write something, yeah it might be worthless. then paint something then, it might be wordless, pointless curses, nonsense verses, you'll see purpose start to surface. no one else is dealing with your demons, meaning maybe defeating them could be the beginning of your meaning, friend. (kitchen sink)
• behind my eyelids are islands of violence, my mind's shipwrecked, this is the only land my mind could find. i did not know it was such a violent island, full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions. they're trying to eat me, blood running down their chin. and i know that i can fight or i can let the lion win, i begin to assemble what weapons i can find, 'cause sometimes to stay alive you got to kill your mind. (migraine)
• what kids are doing are killing themselves, they feel they have no control of their prisoner's cell. and if you're one of them then you're one of me, and you would do almost anything just to feel free. (fake you out)
• i try desperately to run through the sand, as i hold the water in the palm of my hand. cause it's all that i have and it's all that i need, and the waves of the water mean nothing to me. but i try my best and all that i can, to hold tightly onto what's left in my hand. but no matter how, how tightly i will strain, the sand will slow me down, and the water will drain. (addict with a pen)
• night falls with gravity, the earth turns from sanity. taking my only friend i know, he leaves a lot, his name is "hope". (semi-automatic)
• this is not what you're supposed to see, please, remember me. i am supposed to be king of a kingdom or swinging on a swing. something happened to my imagination, this situation's becoming dire. my tree house is on fire, and for some reason i smell gas on my hands.. this is not what i had planned. this is not what i had planned. (forest)
• i wasn't raised in the hood, but i know a thing or two about pain and darkness. if it wasn't for this music, i don't know how i would've fought this. regardless, all these songs i'm hearing are so heartless, don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless. (lane boy)
• i don't know why, i just feel i'm better off staying in the same room i was born in. i look outside, and see a whole world better off without me in it, trying to transform it. (not today)
• i’m evil to the core, what i shouldn't do i will. they say i’m emotional, what i wanna save i’ll kill. is that who i truly am? i truly don’t have a chance. tomorrow i’ll keep a beat, and repeat yesterday’s dance. — i’m not evil to the core, what i shouldn't do i will fight. i know i’m emotional, what i wanna save i'll try. i know who i truly am, i truly do have a chance. tomorrow i’ll switch the beat, to avoid yesterday’s dance. (fairly local)
• i'm never what i like, i'm double sided, and i just can't hide. i kind of like it when i make you cry, 'cause i'm twisted up, i'm twisted up inside my mind. (semi-automatic)
• have you ever done that? when you squint your eyes, and your eyelashes make it look a little not right. and then when just enough light comes from just the right side, and you find you're not who you're supposed to be? (forest)
• and i will say that we should take a day to break away, from all the pain our brain has made, the game is not played alone. and i will say that we should take a moment and hold it, and keep it frozen and know that life has a hopeful undertone. (migraine)
• i ponder of something terrifying, 'cause this time there's no sound to hide behind. i find over the course of our human existence, one thing consists of consistence, and it's that we're all battling fear. oh dear, i don't know if we know why we're here, oh my, too deep, please stop thinking, i liked it better when my car had sound. (car radio)
• i'm only at it again as an addict with a pen, who's addicted to the wind, as it blows me back and forth, mindless, spineless, and pretend. of course i'll be here again, see you tomorrow but it's the end of today. end of my ways as a walking denial. my trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case. but you specialize in dying, you hear me screaming father, and i'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water. (addict with a pen)