♡ rankings ♡

• #16: Striking Vipers. Generally I think that there's a lot of merit to every Black Mirror episode, but this one doesn't have much going for it. I fail to understand why it chose not to examine any of the concepts it seems to be gesturing at in any depth whatsoever. Also it seems kind of fetishy, and I don't like that. Next.
• #15: The Entire History of You. This one is by far the most overrated Black Mirror episode. Maybe it's just me, but I found the protagonist so grating that the ending was neither satisfying nor particularly disturbing. I don't care about any of the characters. I'm not rooting for anyone to succeed or fail. It's like if Marriage Story and The Twilight Zone had a shitty baby.
• #14: White Bear. There are a lot (Black Museum, White Christmas, Shut Up and Dance, hell, even The National Anthem and USS Callister in a way) of BM episodes that explore the themes of punishment, revenge and voyeurism. This is the worst of them. I don't think Victoria is a very three dimensional character, and I think giving her "allies" within the dystopian plot she was reenacting was dumb. Wandering around alone, pursued by a killer while absolutely nobody intervenes would have been more harrowing if you ask me, and it would've felt like a more fitting punishment for the crime.
• #13: Playtest. This is the first Black Mirror episode I ever watched, and it definitely got to me. Our protagonist is engaging and the episode keeps you guessing, but it disappoints at the end when we learn he died for a stupid technological reason. What were we supposed to take from this? Don't contact people if a shady corporation locks you in a room and tells you not to? I think maybe something a little more could have been done with his connection to his mom, but as we stand this episode is vacuous, if entertaining.
• #12: Black Museum. For the record, we're getting into episodes that I really liked. Letitia Wright is phenomenal and the last few minutes of the episode are great. The anthology-ness of this episode is kind of clunky, and there's a certain repetitiveness to some of the mini-stories it includes. The masochist doctor story is unique and horrifying, but the other two--Person Gets Trapped In An Inanimate Object and Person Gets Horrendously Punished In Public have already been done in previous episodes. Granted, Clayton is innocent, so that puts a new spin on it, but still. Good episode, just not very groundbreaking.
• #11: The National Anthem. Holy shit, okay. People who think British dark comedy is the peak of good storytelling will love this episode. The acting is believable and emotional, and you genuinely leave the experience feeling as unsettled and grossed out as the cast of extras who watched it all go down. It's pretty simple, but it's good.
• #10: Hated in the Nation. This long-ass episode is the most gruesome of the bunch. I like the grim satisfaction of the ending. There were some ballsy choices made, not that BM ever shies away from murdering its characters indiscriminately. There's a lot of good dramatic tension. It's a bit We Live In A Society, but that's also literally what the show is about, so I guess that makes it a resounding success.
• #9: Bandersnatch. Technically not an episode but undeniably Black Mirror. On one hand, Bandersnatch earns a lot of respect from me for its pioneering format and the way it brings together surveillance, free will and memory, some of the show's primary themes, under one roof. On the other hand, it would have benefited from a little more consistency. We never get any explanation for what, exactly, is allowing our protagonist to repeat his actions over and over. The different endings of the story simply couldn't exist within the same universe, regardless of what choices are made. Bandersnatch could've had it all. Alas. Maybe next time.
• #8: White Christmas. Horrific AND full of social commentary! This episode does a way better job of incorporating multiple stories into the same plot than Black Museum does. Jon Hamm is chilling while still charismatic. There's a weirdly pro-life message that got slipped in somewhere, and I still think that if Black Mirror wants to Make Us Think about how we view punishment, they shouldn't make the punishment so obviously overzealous, but hey. It's a good episode. Like The Entire History of You, there are almost no sympathetic characters in sight, but the complexity and originality of the plot more than makes up for it.
• #7: Hang the DJ. One of the TWO Black Mirror episodes with what can unequivocally be deemed a happy ending, this episode is just sheer goodness. We finally get to root for our protagonists with no misgivings, and the conclusion is both surprising and satisfying. This episode may not have had as much to say as some of the others, but it's one I can see myself rewatching for sure.
• #6: Arkangel. Growing up with spyware installed on my phone and routine checks through my personal belongings, this one hit close to home. I've seen it argued that Arkangel's ending is overly dramatic, and in some ways I agree, but I cannot emphasize enough how much constant parental surveillance and control can affect a person. Arkangel does a great job of mirroring (haha) the emotional damage created by that. I just think the device should've played a bigger role in the daughter's life outside of her very young childhood, because it would've made the ending feel more well-earned by the plot.
• #5: Shut Up and Dance. I have a really hard time with this episode, but I guess that proves it has an impact on the audience. The acting definitely makes this one. As far as punishment narratives go, I think this episode does the best job of making you question what you believe.
• #4: Fifteen Million Merits. Speaking of feeling awful about humanity! Daniel Kaluuya brilliantly portrays his character, simultaneously depressed and hopeful. There's something dreadfully familiar about the bombardments of advertising, junk food, pornography and fatphobia the characters in this episode are subjected to. Sure, the message is shoved down your throat a bit, but that's...kind of how things are in this bitch of a world. Watching the main characters' most high-minded dreams be corrupted by necessity is heartbreaking. Best episode of the first season.
• #3: Nosedive. This episode should win an award for its aesthetic sensibilities alone. Again, not the most subtle message, but Nosedive stands out not for the point it makes, but for the strength of its characters. From the protagonist, to her brother, to her childhood "friend," to the truck driver, to the comic-con goers, everyone in this episode is fascinating and unique. The beautifully bittersweet ending is also my favorite in the series.
• #2: San Junipero. This is not a controversial opinion, and it shouldn't be. Did you notice my distaste towards the British dark humor worship I mentioned earlier? San Junipero is an excellent example of why. While remaining optimistic, without feeling the need to jab at or undermine the audience, this episode is moving and features one of the most interesting technological advancements in Black Mirror, not to mention being beautifully shot. Placing a bisexual + lesbian couple at the forefront just sweetens the deal. I appreciate any happy ending in a show this dismal, and San Junipero manages to do it without losing any quality.
• #1: USS Callister. A whole cast of interesting and likable characters, a unique plot, a nostalgic setting and an intriguing ending come together to make this my favorite Black Mirror episode. Although it's not the first time virtual replicas of real people have been given autonomy in the series, it is the first time that they get to choose their own fates. The villain fills an all too familiar archetype who gets his comeuppance (without said comeuppance going too overboard.) I can't say it's all that deep, but also I don't care, it's my favorite. Fuck you.

♡ haven't seen yet ♡

• Be Right Back
• The Waldo Moment
• Men Against Fire
• Crocodile
• Metalhead
• Smithereens
• Rachel, Jack and Ashley Too