i don't ever want to blame you for the way things worked out within these four walls,

the way we never quite seem to be happy enough, rich enough, together enough

but i don't see any other explanation for this when every year it's the same problems same ruts same struggles we find ourselves waist-deep in

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i don't ever want to hold back when you ask for help because the blood coarsing through my veins is the same ruby red as yours, and we are bounded by ties that run deeper than any material debt

but every repeated plea strung together sounds like an old broken record jammed at 'play',

the same tune over and over again, and the same promises that only get emptier and emptier on every note

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i don't ever want to be the ungrateful one, the calculative one, the selfish one,

eventhough these words are the very rocks you've hurled straight to my heart from time to time

so isn't it funny, that old saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me', when i've been dealt with blows and falls and seven-stitched scars to my head,

and still nothing has burned me quite as bad as the syllables you light from your lips

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it's not about the numbers that tether between us or all the notes i've slipped into your hands

it's about how i'm never gonna be good enough for you unless i'm worth something in dollars and cents.

22.04.14