to say you were my first love would be a complete lie, but to say you are my first experience of true friendship that blossomed into the sweetness of love would be the truth. i used to believe i was unlovable, that in this lifetime i was meant to travel and experience everything on my own... but you changed that. in the past 6 months, whether it was through texts, voice messages, and the occasional call or two, you showed me the meaning of a true friendship. never in my life did i ever think i would connect so quickly and effortlessly with someone. its easy to switch between serious and silly subjects. you make it so easy and im so utterly grateful for that. you never judged me, or made anything awkward. you were always your authentic self and were never afraid to express how you felt about certain topics or ever hid your feelings from me... and i find that extremely admirable. you are full of love for the world and the little things it has to offer yet, it treats you harshly. its hard to believe i made the past 6 months of your life worth living despite how many times youve told me. its hard to believe you wished you could go back to 5 years ago and tell your younger self that you would meet me someday and to improve yourself for me. im sorry my mother doesnt like you yet and im so sorry about all the terrible assumptions she made of you and how she compared you to the worst people imaginable. one day she'll like you and treat you like family because i dont plan to let go of you anytime soon. finally meeting you in person after talking on the phone everyday for the past 6 months was truly a magical moment. your hugs really are the best and i miss your arms being wrapped around me dearly. watching you look off into the distance while you talked was lovely. seeing the way the corners of your lips shaped into a smile was endearing and the way we would look away when we stared at each other too much for too long was adorable. the first time you held my hand i felt like i finally found my person, you were my person. the first time you finally got the chance to kiss me after i dodged the other attempts out of nerves and shyness was so sweet. spending that second day hugging and eating face when no one was looking was both embarrassing and wonderful. you talked a lot more than me, i just stared at you with the widest smile ever. about your trips to national parks with your family, telling me how much you miss your pets and how theyre all doing better now, and saying how finally seeing me was the highlight of your trip was all bittersweet. the third and final day was both emotional and lovely. we only had 2 hours together despite the other days hanging out with each other late into the night. it was clear in your face, in your words, and your nervous, bouncy leg that you didnt want the moment to end, and i didnt either. why do you have to live so far away? i now spend my days thinking about you every waking moment and cant help but sob about the complexity of the situation. i miss your hugs, your gentle smile, your kisses, but most importantly: the way you felt like home. i may be at home now, but im not at my home. and youre my home and i miss you so dearly. you promised we'll see each other again and i hope you keep your promise, you always do. i may not be able to have you now but ill wait a lifetime for you, sagan. i dont want to wait for anyone else but you, i dont want to share a kiss, a hug, or a sentimental conversation with anyone else but you. may our paths cross again without too much sadness or my mother despising you so much. i love you so much, so much that it'll make every flower blossom. ♡

- 10/10/25 ♡