- 08/02/11: because the bff overruled the bf in my eyes. i think it's important to have a strong basis and be best friends first. you saw how long it took me to finally realize that we were a couple! haha.. that first month was so awkward i didn't know what to do. i'm glad you want to talk this over bc i do too. i don't want to lose an important piece of my life. they say that after relationships they become strangers. let's be the exception. however i don't think it's good to rush into this again. it'll crash and burn all over again. so let's talk through what we didn't like and see what we can fix AND stick to it. if we can good. if we can't well we'll see. and i don't think we necessarily lost being bffs, i think we need to rebuild each other's trust again. almost starting from scratch. does that make sense?
- i was so used to you being my friend first and foremost. it took a bit to get past that and be more. in all honesty i didn't know what i wanted. i liked you and i wanted to date you bc i liked spending time with you so that's why i told sierra "what the heck why not just have him ask me!" maybe i rushed into it idk. but i don't regret it. we can both agree that it fell into place anyway. but then there was another part of me that didn't want to date you either which was so absurd..
- 08/03/11: you have to prove that to me. i can't believe it until i see it. and i BARELY got by this past semester. all my grades were dropping and i can't afford to do that again. deep down, yes i miss us. but i just can't do it right now. and it frustrates me. :(
- @Vanessa: it's going pretty swell! you? i've finally stopped breaking down about this whole break up but i think it's bc kyle and i are trying to reason things out. he's made such an impact on my life that i don't want to just throw him away y'know? i was the one who broke up with him in the first place. have you ever had a clingy bf? that's what kyle is. he txted me allll the time and my grades this past semester seriously dropped..but that might also be bc i was getting sick and tired (literally too! i got a cold 3x in a month and a half!) of all my AP hw that i just slacked off. but it wasn't just that. he always got upset at me for stupid reasons. he doesn't understand that i have a life of my own OUTSIDE of him. and he'd want to hang out all the time when i couldn't even get my own life straight first. idk there were so many things about him that i could complain about but one of the biggest things was that one by one my friends started disliking him bc of course i'd always rant to them about him and my mom didn't like him either so i just had to cut it. i couldn't stand the way he treated me. he swore that he liked me SO much but he was completely oblivious to himself. he was basically so obsessed with me that he wanted me all to himself. he complained a number of times that i've had my friends my whole life and that i only had him for a few months and he didn't like how i hung out with them all the time. um excuse me? they're more important to me than you are. haha a bf just isn't one of my top priorities in life and apparently i am number one in his eyes. so obviously we had different perspectives about that. yikes! so yeah. that's pretty much the gist of it haha. he's still my best friend. it's just getting over the awkwardness between us. i went bowling with him and his friend last thurs and omg neither of us knew how to act around each other. it was awful. but i hope that'll go away over time. haha.
- omg yes. that's how it is. hahaha kyle got grounded for a month too! it was on the very night he asked me out too. we were at my friend meg's house having a little party and i didn't want to go home yet but he didn't call to ask if he could stay out later and bam grounded haha. so it was all my fault. but that didn't matter bc we still talked over fb. at the beginning things were so awkward for me bc neither of us knew how to behave like a couple since we were each other's firsts but whenever we'd get upset at each other we'd say, okay we'll talk about this later but not now. but we never did talk about the things that were bothering us. and eventually we just dealt with the probs and brushed em off..BIG MISTAKE. we never talked about those things. miscommunication was our huge prob and it was right up until last monday when i was like i can't take this anymore bc he kept saying how i didn't deserve him etc. i never really explained why or let him have a voice in the decision which is a mistake i regret:( but at least we're talking through it now.
- unless he can seriously prove to me that he isn't psycho anymore then maybe. (which won't happen.. if anything he'll go right back to his ways.) he wants another chance so badly and yes i miss what we had but i can't go through with that right now.. with all the college stuff i have to deal with and such. oh! fun fact? i swore to everyone that he's the girl in this relationship. hahahaha. he gets so pissy and bitchy and bipolar and just ugh. he's more of a girl than i am, can you believe it?! haha. but yes i made sure that we had a somewhat solid friendship before we made it official. we considered each other bffs haha. silly little tagline to say for fun. :p
- @Me 08/03/11: ..who is your 15 min valentine. who gets little notes from you. the one who makes a silly popping noise while wearing a sweater and cuddling with you on a freezing dock and watching pirate radio.
- @Me 08/04/11: golly miss your a cheery chap to talk too! im just peachy if you were wondering and id really be chuffed if we could have a doozy of a time tmrw... but ill just swallow my tears and continue on shall i? yes. i suppose. too bad my classy companion is always soooo busy for her tru friend. oh well....
- @Me 08/05/11: ..that i would more than happily do it cause i wanna be with you. you are not my top prioreity. you dont need so much attention and caring. you need to be able to live your own life. i need to stop freaking out when i dont get things my way cause i know you will reschedule.
- 08/05/11: i'm really glad to see that you know what i want. i'm not going to say anything about us as a couple but it would be greatly appreciated if you could be there for me as a bff. that would mean the world to me. :) i guess that's all i really ask from you. i don't need any gifts. i need you as a person. now this can't be one sided. tell me how to improve myself. and i second that tbh..i always have fun with you no matter how emotional we get. i love how i can be entirely myself around you. i don't have to worry or try as hard when i'm with you bc you like me how i am anyway. it's a nice breath of air. :) it's a relief to have someone as loyal to me as you are no matter what the circumstances. and you always will be there for me. i know that deep down even though it may not seem like it. thank you for everything:)
- @Me: i miss kissing you. i miss cuddling. i miss the memories. we can get through this as bff then we can get through this as a couple. if there are other probs then just friggin tell me! i wont get mad! please... and ummm when can we hang please. we have sooo much to still do... please next week sometime?
- i do care about you in this. but there's only so much that i can care about bc i need to care for myself first and foremost. wouldn't you agree? the whole reason i broke down that monday was bc i can't please everyone! i try and do what i can but if they can't realize that then i don't need them. that's how i see it. i can't bear to let other ppl down bc of things i can help. i have other responsibilities and no i may not be the quickest person on earth to get things done..i am an awesome procrastinator after all. and i absolutely dislike throwing ppl away bc of that. i feel like i'm a control freak but these things need to be known. you feel my pain when i say that i miss those things too and it scares me that it might not happen again. and i'm telling you, prove to me you can be a bff bc that's what i need you for. i'll let you know what you're doing wrong if you tell me what i'm doing wrong. k? :)
- @Me: i just... why cant you. i told you i can change. if im that important to you then trust me. ive never lied or hurt you. why cant we be a "couple" of bffs haha get it ;) why dont you want this? "its hard to find the words to say how much you mean to me so all im gonna say is will you go out with me? again?" haha i heard another one a while ago i just wanted to use it at the right time. "together forever never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart" :) why cant we just be a couple again. under the radar. we will take it easier this time... i wont see you once a week. i just wanna say im still yours. :'(
- i told you the major things that bothered me. i can't give you what you want i'm sorry. i'm trying to reason things bc i messed all of this up already but i'm also to the point where if it hurts you then walk away. i'll still be your best friend.
- @Me: and ill be yours! im still yours! we just need to see eachother more! haha and its fine. ill try and prove myself and ill try again later. my classiness might get you again who knows. all im saying is that you didnt mess this all up and if you wanna fix your mistakes and the wrong roads yoouve taken, then give us another chance. we and mostly IIII can change. call me obama cause of all the change! :) but im not backing down for this. im going to continue to fight for you. i was your first kiss and clarissa damnit i swear ill be your last kiss... and do you even know what i want? second chances are good.
- @Me: haha i hope you sleep well! i will be dreaming of all the magical moments ive ever experienced with you... which means all of them! yayayayayay! haha and oh yeah if i dont wake up. just know i forgive you. for the ones who leave us never really leave. and you can always find me. *points to heart* in here. :) xoxo ill always be there for you cause "you got a friend in me"
- 08/06/11 @ 2:24am: LOL I WENT THROUGH MY AGENDA AND CIRCLED THE LINE INBETWEEN MAY 7TH AND 8TH. ;)
- 08/06/11 @ 2:34am: i'm still a-buzzzzzzzin' from that coffee from earlier! like WOO! oh and tbh i know it totally isn't appropriate for bffs (but we've got history so it's not thaaaaaat weird) but i liked when you held my hands and my waist......... x)
aug 6 2011 ∞
jan 27 2014 +
jan 27 2014 +