aka the list of things that i'm interested in doing in my hazy mess of a post-grad life because i don't want to go into a phd program right away (still. so. tense. AND TIRED!) (IF I COULD EVEN MAKE IT, let's remind myself of how utterly unexceptional i am) nor do i really want to... tie myself so completely to anything right now??? I JUST WANT TO WING EVERYTHING OK, DO WHATEVER I WANT, BACKPACK ACROSS NATIONS AT MY WHIMSY (jk. jk not w/ the way i spend money) (and the way i like to live. with a plumbing system and hot water and no bugs) this can also be known as the ways that i can puff up my CV b/c i am so dreadfully inadequate and average and subpar list

• internships! as irene said, we have privilege. yes we should use it to help people (in a meaningful way, not in a savior, overriding their voices, kind of way), but we should also take advantage of it ourselves to become more productive and to /do/ something about it rather than languish out of guilt, laziness, what have you. we should be grateful that we can do unpaid labor, but we have to be smart about it. so: think tanks, the government, research institutions, wherever/whatever i'm not really picky as long as i'm "getting experience"
• post-baccalaureate programs! the only one that i've found is in columbia and costs like $29304923094, ON TOP OF it being in columbia
• ......... teach for america................ and other service oriented programs. MAYBE IF I CAN FIND SOMETHING... NOT TFA THAT IS TFA????
• volunteering at planned parenthood. doing whatever the hell i can to DO SOMETHING about reproductive rights, etc. THINGS THAT I CARE ABOUT
• working at whatever kind of jobs i can--consider asking all the parents i've ever tutored for if their kids need tutoring. i need money. i need to save up. (i need to stop shopping.) so the law library! tutoring! ... maybe i should pick up a legit other job. with the no experience i have!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 as well as my selectiveness, b/c i am NOT going to work in the food industry after that first time. ideally i would not want to work at retail because that... means... nothing... to... me... LIKE IDEALLY IT WOULD BE AT A REAL TUTORING CENTER.
• masters program/credentialing program! so from what i understand, in california to become a teacher you need a masters in... something, ideally the whatever type of thing you're going to teach education or whatever (see ex-friend tiffany's facebook) and you get a credential. so it's a single masters degree and a credential, basically. BUT WHY WOULD YOU EVER BE OK W/ THAT, I WANT TWO OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!1 but appARENTLY you'd have to actually pay for both/do the time for both and it doesn't overlap in the (depressingly easy) way that double bachelors do. so whatever, i could do that--a masters in history (secondary school history education, whatever) + a credential, but ideally...
• like who wouldn't just get a masters in education? especially because i've never taken an education class or studied CHILDREN.............. i'd feel bereft if i didn't get a masters in my topic of study (NOT JUST /HOW/ TO TEACH IT, but like, my actual topic of study) + education (theoretically, how to teach history as well), on top of the credential if needed. so this means a joint degree/double masters/dual masters/whatever they call them program. BUT I DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY PAY FOR MORE THAN ONE. a cursory google search only turned up the university of pittsburgh as having a "history education" joint masters program, sooOOOO
• sidenote: the only reason why i'd consider getting a masters at all and then stopping for awhile is because i'd want to go into teaching in high school kind of immediately. but my concern is: does that impact one's chances for a phd? does it matter where you get your masters from?????
• but then i don't really want to be Tied Down CAN'T GET OFF THIS TRAIN RESPONSIBILITIES!!!!!!!!!!11 way. so i want to teach abroad!!! get away!!! experience life!!! that is, experience life outside of irvine. again. loooooooool
• but i'm also soooooooooooooo ok with just doing research. being someone's research assistant. it seems so stressful to me lOL (why i can't actually /be/ a university professor) to be so into One Thing for the rest of your life (ofc i know that all of my professors have pretty diverse interests, and anything can be mined for years before you follow something else, duh.) and then have to be The Expert and there are so many more politics and pressures involved than i could've ever imagined. and i don't think i've even had a taste of it yet, really. IM JUST SO MADDDDDDDDDDDD ABOUT THE CORPORATIZATION OF HIGHER EDUCATION. THE BUREAUCRATIZATION OF LEARNING. THAT ISN'T OK. and i'm not made for endless publishing. i like writing, but despite what the past four years have told me, i'm not a great writer. i don't want to be on the PUBLISH OR DIE in your own field b/c that's what we hired you for you can't just switch to something else compleTELY train. and i don't want to be doomed to it 5ever!!!! but then i have to make a living!!!! and unfortunately i'm used to a specific lifestyle!!!! (god i am an entitled brat.) i can learn about anything/everything as long as the conversations i'm having are satisfying and productive and challenging and SMART and INTERESTING. i'm just so averse to commitment (lOL!!!!!) that the idea of commiting to this One Thing is sort of terrifying. and what if i love it so much i can't write about it. or what if i don't care about it enough that i don't love it and am just mildly interested and then get bored of writing?????????? I'D RATHER HAVE PPL TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (which is what that professor who i spoke to at the order of merit ceremony said is the problem w/ phd students finishing their dissertations/the life of a professional researcher.) MANANFNAKFLAS;DAL;SDJF
• life. man. LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
• also just: POLITICS, doing stuff in politics/community work/advocacy [what a weird word w/ weird connotations]/whatever just dOING STUFF, going to DC!!!!!! going to SF/berkeley!!! going to NY!!!!!, euROPE!!!
• and yet also just hanging w/ friends. i don't even want to watch tv lol :( IM JUST SO STRESSED ABOUT NOT BEING A FAILURE. AND DOING STUFF WITH MY LIFE. AND BECOMING IMPORTANT. AND BEING SOMEWHERE ELSE. AND MOVING ON. AND PROVING MYSELF. GOD I AM OBSESSED WITH PROVING MYSELF TO........ EVERYONE............... including ppl i shouldn't even care about!!! but do!!!!!!!!!11
• LIBRARY STUFF
• ARCHIVES/ARCHIVAL WORK
• working in the government, maybe.......... public........... policy...............