the only things i have to lose: dignity, face, respect!!!!, and a shit ton of money. probably some self-esteem, too.

• princeton: cultural history, modern u.s.
  • margot canaday
  • hendrik hartog
  • i feel weird about white people studying race, which is a fair amount of people in this program, so i'm... not going to include them.
  • regina kunzel
  • rebecca rix
  • martha sandweiss
  • robert sean wilentz, aka the author of that one book i didn't read
• berkeley: cultural history, modern u.s., women's history
• yale: cultural history, modern u.s., women's history
• harvard: cultural history, modern u.s., women's history
• stanford: modern u.s.
• university of chicago: cultural history, modern u.s.
• columbia: cultural history, modern u.s.
• university of pennsylvania: modern u.s., women's history
• university of michigan: cultural history, modern u.s., women's history

other possible contenders if i really do not find any scholars interesting at any of the above institutions:

• ucla (but like, i also really need to leave socal)
• cornell
• johns hopkins
• northwestern

other notes

• location: ok but honestly location matters. i would sERiously prefer if i wasn't in the middle of nowhere.
• diversity: i would sERIOusly prefer if i wasn't surrounded by all white people.
• the rigor of the program shouldn't really deter me since any top program will make me want to go back to the present self that's typing this and say WHY DIDN'T U MAKE BETTER LIFE DECISIONS AND STUDY COMPSCI. theoretically if i make it in i mean there's a 20% chance i have the ability to do it all. theo... retica........ lly. or, you know, i could be that person that has to fail to make everyone who succeeds... succeed.
• faculty matters in just the whole WILL I GET ALONG W/ THIS PSN. i have learned that a similarity in academic interests (and also same ethnicity!) mean very little in terms of whether or not i will actually get along with a faculty member. other than prof rosenberg/perlman/varzi (who i still need to talk to) knowing them, how will i figure this out? no idea.
• HOW MUCH MONEY THEY OFFER of course this depends on a) if i ever do and how i do on the GRE bit because standardized testing will always be my downfall, and b) whether or not i get in, because lord knows the person i am on paper is... nothing and nobody. ok but if miracles happen and i do get in, unless there is someone i must work with, money should be the biggest factor. I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN DEBT UNTIL I'M 80!!!!!!!!!!!
• if i don't get in i could always try another year, but at least that would be a very clear answer. this whole waiting for CAP to get back to me is excruciating; a very clear "no" is v much better than nothing. and i doubt very much will change about me in another year, so i might just put aside the whole phd dreamz thing altogether.