favorite lines from the most hilarious comedy show.

• Jack: [to Liz] I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.
• Jack: Sure...I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says 'healthy body image' on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for
  
  a week.
• Tracy: Lemme just say, I'm excited to be here. It's an honor for you to meet me. I've got a lot of characters I'm ready to bust out. I got a character named "Biscuit", write that out. I got another character named "Rolando", who is a two-foot-tall Spanish hustler. [pointing to Frank] Glasses, I want you to write that one. I got another character named "Ching Chong", who loves to play ping pong. I just made that up right now, 'cause that's how I flow. Now, I'm up for anything.
• Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer'. And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years, we'll all either be working for him... or be dead by his hand.
• Tracy: So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week.
• Liz: I hate going up to Donaghy's office even for something normal. I always feel like I'm entering the Death Star. I swear if Donaghy does this [does Darth Vader force-strangle] at me, I'll run.
• Pete: You'll be fine [evil smile] Captain Needa.
• Liz: [as elevator door closes] No, Captain Needa dies, he dies!
• Pete:
  
  You're inappropriate, you jerk, with your big stupid face!
• Jack: Once I set my mind to something I have to accomplish it. 10 years ago I was an inch and a half shorter than I am today. Sheer will power
• Pete: So, first you thought he was illiterate and now you think he's lazy? Liz, you are racist.
• Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my 'white guilt,' which is supposed to be used only for good like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.
• Liz: ... Ok, here's your pep talk. You're not an actor, you're Jack Donaghy, all right? Ok, so quit whining and nut up. You're right, if you can't do this, you are a failure. Josh can do this, and earlier today he ate a club sandwich with the toothpicks still in it. Jenna can do this and she was once engaged to David Blaine. Any dumb-dumb can act, Jack, so be a man and get it done.
• Jack: If you were any other woman on Earth, I would be turned on right now.
• Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
• Jack: Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.
• Jack: You have to stuff your heart with steel wool and tin foil. You must be ruthless, you must be absolute. Remember always you are the exterminator, say it!
• Liz:
  
  I am the exterminator!
• Jack: That’s why my job is way better than yours.
• Jack: (on asked why he's wearing a tux.) It's after six. What am I, a farmer?
• Liz:
  
  Really dude? I got to move my coat? There are like 4 empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
• Cerie: Oh I'm sorry are you 50 now?
• Jack: Alright, if you insist on going all Murphy Brown on me, let me give you a tip. Don't smother your child to compensate for not having a man in your life. Don't say "You're the only man I'll ever love," even babies know that's creepy. Don't put little notes in their lunch bag that say "Mommy's watching you," people find those things. If your child is a terrific hockey player and a gifted flutiest, don't make them play the national anthem on the flute in front of their teammates.
• Jack: Oh no, no. GE could never make something, so, unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. [Jack rolls down a complex organizational chart] You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of Pyongyang, North Korea and they will make the Meat Machine.
• Tracy:You know what, I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
• Jack: I've got two ears and a heart don't I?
• Jack: I wanted to talk to you about our corporate "Bottoms-Up Day". Once a year all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job of one of our lowest level employees. This year I'll be a page for a day and you'll be my boss.
• Jack: I had "lunch" with Martha Stewart and "dinner" with her daughter Alexis Stewart.
• Liz: [on the phone] Hi my name is Liz Lemon and I received flowers from your shop tonight and I can't tell who they're from.
  
  No, no, I did read the card but it's not signed.... no, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess...well, that is just...oh, well you know what, I found the card, actually, they're from your mom, so tell your gay mom I said thanks!
• Tracy: Hells yes Liz Lemon. And I had plans. Me and Angie rented the penthouse at the SoHo Grand where we will drink wine and pleasure each other.
• Kenneth: Well that just makes me perspire
• Kenneth: I just don't want to disgrace the peacock.
• Tracy: I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school, and get it pregnant.
• Jack: Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.
• Jenna: Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn't he hunt down and capture Barack Obama before he strikes again?
• Kenneth: Yeah we lose half the congregation every time American Idol starts up
• Jack: When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you... [raises fists] Well now I'm gonna let "Saint Patrick" and "Saint Michael" DO MY TALKING FOR ME!
• Liz: Jack goes to Sbarro when he's angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he's horny, and Christie's auction house when he's depressed.
• Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.
• Jenna: Wow, how Sex and the City are we right now? I'm Samantha, [points at Phoebe] you're Charlotte and [points at Liz] you're the lady at home who watches it.
• Phoebe: You know how John Lennon was better then all the rest of the Beatles but he never realized it until he met Yoko? Well I'm gonna be Jack's Yoko!
• Liz: She's very well-read...and she's very stylish, don't you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. She's like a... White Geisha.