- Jack: Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.
- Liz: You're insulted!? I'm crying!
- Tracy: [Singing, dressed up as a werewolf] Werewolf bar mitzvah, spooky scary. Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves.
- Kenneth: Oh, I will! I'll come over at night.
- Devon: You're so strong! Oh God! You're having your way with me! Your back is like a barrel of snakes
- Dot Com: [coming up with sketch ideas] We open on a lone soldier, walking through the desert. The year 1861, the place...Mars.
- Jack: Nice try. Ah, we never had any cookie jars in my home because my mother never baked us any cookies because she never felt we deserved any cookies, so obviously it has nothing to do with my childhood.
- Jack: Every time I meet a new person I figure out how I'll fight them.
- Tracy: You're not my dad! We're doing therapy!
- Jack: [to Kenneth about his upcoming party] Ah no, I could make up some excuse Kenneth but I have too much respect for you; during your party I'll be home listening to some Schubert, and ironically, viewing some Canadian pornography.
- Tracy: Foxy boxing! I love foxy boxing! It combines my two favorite things; boxing... and referees. I got to get into that party, man! [picks up cell phone] Get me Harvey Lemmings!
- Jack: I get my haircut every two days. After all, your hair is your head suit.
- Jenna: Cougars - hot older ladies pouncing on their young prey.
- Jack: $5 million...each? That's NBA sexual assault money!
- Jack: She is my lover. That's right. She's my liberal, hippy-dippy mama; my groovy chick; my old lady. She was our chief adversary during the Sheinhart Wig hearings. She wants to tax us all to death and make it legal for a man to marry his own dog. But I think what we have is special, and I'm proud of her. And I'm not going to hide it any longer. I'm Jack Donaghy, damn it! And this is my woman.
- Kenneth: I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the Devil's temperature!
- Jack: I'll just tell Don Geiss that I let a subordinate with an unaccredited theater-tech degree do a billion dollar handshake deal while my girlfriend and I showered together at a Red Roof Inn.
- Liz: Hey, nerds! Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited french, and hasn't cried once today? [pointing both thumbs at herself] This moi.
- Liz: You're gonna get me another sandwich or I'm going to cut your face up so bad you'll have a CHIN. YOU'LL ALL HAVE CHINS.
- Cooter: That's not my name! My name is James Riley. Cooter Burger? What do you think I am? A cartoon dog? The President named me that.
jun 3 2008 ∞
oct 28 2008 +