ELEMENTARY

• Fluffy white Victorian muff, 1996 -I don't know why I longed for one of these. They aren't very practical. I suspect the American Girl dolls franchise had something to do with it.
• Bright orange daisy-print Doc Martens, 1998
• German kitsch, 1996-7? -I watched the Sound of Music and a weird anime version of Heidi in 1st grade and insisted on rocking clogs and milkmaid dresses (and having a cuckoo clock) for a thankfully brief period of time
• Black Donna Karan fedora, 1999
• Shirt with velcro letters, 2001- Unfortunately, I abused this freedom with weird cryptic phrases and literary references lost on my fellow 6th graders. No wonder they hated me.

MIDDLE

• Appliqued jeans, 2002
• Bright pink Hello Kitty kimono, 2002
• Earrings shaped like burgers and fries, 2003

HIGH

• Poncho. -Enough said. Make that, everything I wore my freshman year of high school 2004
• Poorly sewn homemade band tee-shirts, 2004
• John Deere wifebeater, 2005
• Uberslutty goth French maid skirt, complete with frilly apron, 2006
• Tripp pants, 2005-6
• Armloads of jelly bracelets, 2006-7
• Ridiculous frilly goth lingerie, 2006-8 -Absolutely over-the-top, garter belts, thigh highs, and everything. I looked like a dead stripper. CRINGE

COLLEGE

• Brief revisit of slutty goth phase. Greatly influenced by dumping of control freak boyfriend who forbid me from wearing anything revealing, 2009
• Leggings as pants
• Oversize horn-rimmed hipster fake glasses, 2010
• Black romper with studded sleeves, 2010
• American Apparel high-waisted bloomers. When paired with crop tops, especially Flashdance-y, 2011