life update? honestly, i am barely hanging in there anymore, and im tired of not saying anything about it at all cause there’s really no one who will care. i eat atleast one meal a day, sometimes i skip breakfast. i’ve practically shut myself out from my social media life, i deleted my art platform on twitter and deleted my interactions on there too. not much signs on people caring about me tho, i dont think i ever wanna post art again. i’ve honestly hated how popular my account got, i just wanted to share what i love to the audience i liked. i dont know if the people who follow me even like the same things as me. why do people even like my art? i just feel more and more naked the more followers i get, if that makes sense. i feel like i have to constantly please an audience that i dont even wanna, i feel obligated to post or else i will literally not exist, i want to express myself too you know, to showcase things i actually like, but do people like that part of me? i’ll ask that question for every post i make, do people like my art, do they see it the way i do? do they appreciate it the way i do? i honestly hate it, i dont think anyone understands the way i think and do and perceive at all. i just dont wanna talk to anyone anymore, there’s nothing that interests me, i wanna kill myself, i feel like nothing, you can tell because im laying here typing this instead of sleeping. how did i devolve to this? i guess i’m just too lonely, so lonely that you start to think that you’re better off alone than talking to anyone, trying to gain attention by using something that isn’t you doesn’t exactly satisfy the loneliness. i wish i had a friend who would actually see me and talk to me like one, i do have one friend i appreciate, but it sucks i only have one, all my other friends have other friends they’d be far more interested in talking to. it’s constantly hard for me to view anyone as a friend because with the way i interact with anyone, i am merely an acquaintance or a convenience. since when do i ever make an impact in someone’s life because i am me? i wish people saw me without me having to make an effort to be seen.