life update? honestly, i am barely hanging in there anymore, and im tired of not saying anything about it at all cause there’s really no one who will care. i eat at least one meal a day, sometimes i skip breakfast. i’ve practically shut myself out from my social media life, i deleted my art platform on twitter and deleted my interactions on there too. not much signs on people caring about me tho, i don’t think i ever wanna post art again. i’ve honestly hated how popular my account got, i don’t know if the people who follow me even like the same things as me or they just follow me because they like my art style, i guess that’s a reason but do they UNDERSTAND my motives? why do people even like my art? i feel like i have to constantly please an audience that i don’t even wanna, i feel obligated to post or else i will literally not exist, i want to express myself too you know, but do people like that part of me? i’ll ask that question for every post i make, do people like my art, do they see it the way i do? do they appreciate it the way i do? do they understand why i drew it? of course no one is gonna fucking know! and honestly? i hate it! i don’t wanna share my art if no one understands the way i think and do and perceive anything at all. i just don’t wanna talk to anyone anymore, there’s nothing that interests me, i wanna kill myself, i feel like nothing, you can tell because im laying here typing this instead of sleeping. how did i devolve to this? i guess i’m just too lonely, so lonely that you start to think that you’re better off alone than talking to anyone, trying to gain attention by using something that doesn’t excite your inner you doesn’t exactly satisfy the loneliness. all my friends have other friends they’re far more interested in talking to. it’s constantly hard for me to not feel alone with the way i interact with anyone, i am merely an acquaintance or a convenience. since when do i ever make an impact in someone’s life because i am me? i wish people saw me without me having to make an effort to be seen.