I used to be such a troublesome kid who took out all his anger all at once, now I’ve just came to accept everything as it is. I don’t know what’s better, letting things happen or using my anger. I still get angry time to time, but I just can’t bring myself to ever express it. I don’t think it’s fear, I think I know why but I’m not really sure. I guess I just don’t want to hurt anymore, but the thought of being able to express your anger or let alone shout just feels satisfying. That I just can’t do anymore, and despite all that I feel my voice remains silent and I still remain in the same position as I was before. Learning to accept things sounds like such a supreme idea. I want to be an accepting person, someone who can just easily resolve things and let go. But I’m always itching to just be selfish. And this anger that I feel makes me want to be more selfish, yet I can’t help but be the opposite. So maybe that’s a good thing? Its good that I’m never angry and that I don’t want to be a selfish guy. But this good thing still eats me up whole as if I know that this is good for me but the thought of doing something that may just hurt me feels more satisfying than any inner peace I can achieve. But I don’t know anymore… I don’t want to be like this at all