You can’t find your way out of Real. “Einmal hin, alles drin”, they keep promising. But for naught. You still haven’t found your will to live.

They asked what soccer team you’re rooting for. Your life is hanging by a thread. They are staring at you, anticipating. Hungry. You know you only got one shot.

“Stop”, you whisper. “Everything stays as it is.” You have drunk your coffee, but you haven‘t calmed down. There is a supply of fruit at home.

Something touches your leg. You look down. „Reingeguckt.”, the voices whisper. You are already numb from the pain. You have bruises everywhere.

You’ve tried for years, but you are not able to succeed. The stone can’t sing. It can only sound. All your efforts were in vain.

In your dreams, a faceless figure pays you a visit. “Alles Müller, oder was?”, they whisper with icy breath. Shuddering, you don’t dare to answer.

You are staring into nothingness. What is the meaning of all this? What kind of 1 life is that?

Your head is aching; your vision is blurry. Mein Terr… Terri… Tererium… What does it say? You can’t fathom. You have given up on life. What even is strawberry cheese?

At night, you become aware of your own mortality. All things must pass. Everything has an end. Only the sausage has two.

There is a new Till Schweiger movie. You do not want to see it, but you know what it is about. You always know.

Heidi Klum is on the television. Heidi Klum is in your city. Heidi Klum is in your house. Soon there won’t be any girls left to sacrifice to her.

Why is there thatch lying around? Why are you wearing a mask? You wonder.

Your family bonds have dissolved in discussions over the correct article for nutella. At dawn, you lay in a corner of your room whispering “Der… die… das…” to yourself. There is no answer.

A friend messages you. Joyfully, he writes “Ich trink Ouzo, was machst du so?”. You don’t know what you’re doing. You’re all alone.

There is no 20% on pet food. There never is. Has it ever been? No matter. It is not now. You will have to pay the price.

At night, you can hear your stuffed animals whisper things into your ear. “Alles bäm?”, they ask. A tear runs down your face. “Läuft”, you whisper back.

Everytime you look at your girlfriend’s face you wonder. Maybe she isn’t your girlfriend. Maybe she is Manuel Neuer. The uncertainty is slowly driving you insane. Coke Zero doesn’t taste like Coca Cola at all.

You wake up and look around you. There is cereal everywhere. But not any cereal. It’s Seitenbacher. Seitenbacher. Seitenbacher. Seitenbacher. Seitenbacher.

:/ It’s mocking you. You’re not going to watch this video.

You didn’t say “Schulz”. Everyone is looking at you. They are standing up now. You are as good as dead.

You just don’t know who the Babo is. You don’t know what a Babo is, either. You are no Chabo. Chabos know who the Babo is.

Even Carglass can’t fix your broken dreams and aspirations. They’ve repeatedly told you. You are dead inside.

In the middle of the night you hear them call. “Rooooobert”, they call. In time, their screams will fade.

You finally found one. After years of searching and travelling you found one of the seventh surprise eggs. You have no idea what will await you.

You desperately wish that no one knows what you’ve done. But in vain. How where what – Obi knows. It always does.

You want to get out of here. This is madness. The air conditioner passed away hours ago. “Thank you for travelling with Deutsche Bahn”, they laugh maniacally.

Haribo doesn’t make children happy. You’ve tried everything. You’re stuck in a black world of misery and artificial flavors.

The clock strikes. Everyone around you freezes. They simultaneously pull out a Knoppers. It’s half past nine in Germany.

As you wake, you’re all alone. There is only darkness surrounding you. You know it’s over. You have unknowingly crossed the border to Bielefeld. You do not exist anymore.

CR: wirelesson on Tumblr