- ig that was not the last entry
- ig nothing ever does change & ig i cant get better
- thats okay;; im alone again like how it was before march; all my friends want nothing to do with me ;its a gut instinct i can detect these things;
- i have a habit of not trusting myself before but maybe i shouldve this entire time cuz i couldve lost a lot the times i didnt; good thing im just stupidly lucky
- i think a lot about that one person from a random server i was in; she was very paranoid like me & i regret not talking to her cause she intimated me a little bit; she was kinda like one of my other friends who just knew a lot about a ton of stuff & (from my perspective) brought up their knowledge of a subject in confidence.
- maybe after a couple months she started crushing on a dude hard; it sounds weird for me to recount all this but she prtty openly talked about this in there; ig it is sorta eavesdropping in a way?? idk; she talked about this guy a lot & everytime she did she got more obsessive & manic; she would constantly ask for advice or ask "do you think he really likes me?/ does he hate me?/ did i ruin everything?" stuff along those lines; it was upsetting to watch
- maybe after a little while of her asking again; nobody responded; she pretty much broke down after that; "oh god, i lost everthing" & then she just left the server without saying anything else.
- i really do empathize with her; i dont even really know this person but this whole thing has just been stuck to the back of my mind for a year;
- maybe i just ended up copying her; maybe we didnt have a lot in common ; idk maybe its a selffufilling prophecy;; ive drawn too many parallels between the happenings of my life & the stupid symbols that foreshadow those things; im not a real human being this is all a fucking story & im just playing a character again;;
- im really sorry to anyone that had to put up with me
- im not gonna kill myself or whatever; i guess ill just rot instead
nov 3 2024 ∞
nov 5 2024 +