where the insane histrionics that don't make it into my research notebook live

CHRISTOPHER HE SAID

torn-out notebook page: february 7, 2021

i've been looking everywhere for audio clips of edmund speaking and i finally found THREE on this fine evening.... still recovering ! the man recited one line of poetry and i litchrally burst into pinks and reds of every variety like... poet of my heart !!!! i love one (1) gentle-hearted english boy and one alone!!

love these scrapbook-ish type pictures of edmund i've found scattered about the portrait gallery.... esp. love pictures like these where the subject's back is turned, it's all so candid, so clearly un-staged, you feel as though you've entered the world in which the picture was taken.... all quite suddenly you're standing where the photographer is, your camera not yet held to the eye, admiring for a moment the narrow frame of the shoulders, the light glimmering off of the brown hair, growing longer now the war is over...

...yet when we came back, late, from the hyacinth garden / your arms full, and your hair wet / i could not speak, and my eyes failed...

thinking about how blunden's battalion nickname was rabbit....

the colonel:

edmund: i'm colonel harrison's right-hand arm man. i'm colonel harrison's everything. i'm his confidante, his best friend. his silly rabbit.

bro i'm CRYING fashion king edmund what's up!!!

obsessed w this edition of švejk... i already have one copy and like. it's cute but this is MAD cute omg... i need it

from the scrapbook: april 6, 2021

"i am more or less hardy-drunk."

love to be reading sorley's letters and then immediately happen upon one of his fave books for $2 at the flea market... love to feel him very assuredly urging me to buy it, even though like wilfred owen i have pretty much no interest in thomas hardy as a writer... it's sorley and it's an everyman's library edition how could i say no <3

that corpse you planted last year in your garden / has it begun to sprout? will it bloom this year?

me: i couldn't possibly love sorley more than i already do

sorley, accepting this as a challenge:

⇩⇩ picked from sorley's bookshelves: 1/∞ ⇩⇩

friedrich nietzsche – ecce homo

torn-out notebook page: anzac day, 2021

(not me, spaced out and half-asleep at 12 in the morning, naming this file "sick box respirators, kings!")

happy anzac day !!! i love how you can tell straight off that these are aussies, they had such brilliant 'tudes, such flair, always ready to rumble... nothing but love for my anzac boys <3