where the insane histrionics that don't make it into my research notebook live

christening this new notebook with the boy himself... my favorite (and possibly the saddest) thing about edmund's post-war portraits is that he always looks just a hair startled like. this poor child really did see two entire years on the front line didn't he

thinking abt how el's last letter was printed in the newspaper on the exact day that he died and the entire letter is him being excited to come home and see his friends + family again... pain <3

torn-out notebook page: november 29, 2020

my youtube search history right now: "cricket" "cricket game" "how to play cricket" "what are the rules of cricket" "what is cricket" aka my well-intentioned and mostly futile attempts to understand this sport that edmund loved so much... i don't get it, baby!

isn't it just like... baseball ??? also apparently edmund was really bad at it but like what part was he bad at ?? could he not hit the ball ??? KING OF NOT BEING ABLE TO HIT THE BALL ????

one simply has to stan!

absolutely losing my mind over how much cal looks like ryan gosling... BIOPIC METHINKS?

saw this and blacked out for five min that's the cutest thing i've ever seen..... hey fellas anyone up for a game of bumble-puppy?

cal's lil smile....... what's he so cute for :0)

"i too play rugger" is sending me.... sorley playing rugby = edmund playing cricket, like. athletic kings, methinks ?? truly cannot imagine sorley doing sports. yall are poets you can't be JOCKS, too

("most affecting!" BYE)

torn-out notebook page: january 8, 2021

just learned there's a novel out there that has not only paul baumer as a character but also james raleigh but also a bunch of random ass characters from first world war literature but also a bunch of real life people who actually lived during the great war and it's about vampires.......... HOW CAN I ACQUIRE IT

(like paul baumer ??? JAMES RALEIGH ??? my two doomed kings who unwittingly haunt their own respective narratives ???? the only way it could get any better is if snowden was thrown into the mix. like ok catch-22 takes place during the second world war but also like. it's vampires. there are no rules !)

obsessed w my obsessed king <3

edmund is literally always interrupting the narrative to lament whatever book he just remembered losing/leaving behind/misplacing in the trenches I'M..... what a loser..... love of my life ass.....

(stop WHY did he feel the need to include the exact year.... he is so annoying i'm in love with him!)