- 2015, summer. i offer this diary to you, to tell you what she was thinking, and what her fate was. she was always thinking... about who she was, where she'd come from, and where she was going. everyone convinces themselves that life is an enjoyable thing. she, however, was always thinking about how much of a burden it was. and about how much of our freedom was lost by the conviction that we had to stay alive.
- 1991, winter. since her parentes were busy, she was sent to me far more often. she was always thinking... "what is life? it was always flashing. flashing between life and death. what happens to a person after death? does everything disappear? do you really think so?" when she asked me that, she was five. she was always thinking... about who she was, where she'd come from, and where she was going.
- there were too many people around her who treated her like a genius. but to me, she was just a thirteen-year-old girl. no, i had thought of her as a girl, but... whenever i was alone with her, there was always a slight sense of terror. she ruled my life. she toyed with it. or perhaps, i wanted her to rule it and to toy with it. i wanted to touch her, and my hands moved slightly. she always anticipated this moment's hesitation. part of me realized that this terror was an expression of another, different feeling. ir so i'd thought...
- it could be that creating your descendants is akin to imagining your own death. that was what she thought. she had only been alive for thirteen years. but they were a long thirteen years. she'd absorbed everything she could, and lost none of it. what she needed now was to lose something she owned. to cut off something, to rid herself of it. that was what she thought. but she didn't yet know how that was possible. in that moment, that thirteen-year-old girl was still...
- summer, the year 2000. i stood atop a hill, looking down the long slope. i heard her voice. or more precisely, their... i said to her, "you aren't normal." and she answered, "i am not normal." and i began to fall down the long slope. not knowing where i would go...
- free... i realized what she meant, and felt my body shake with terror and joy.
oct 16 2015 ∞
nov 5 2015 +