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All those people, all those lives, where are they now? With loves, and hates, and passions just like mine, They were born, And then they lived, And then they died. It seems so unfair. I want to cry.
--Morrissey

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He doesn't know...

  • That I hear him sweetly break when she asks for just one more HUG after the ten prior.
  • That I hear him explaining the rules of a new game with PATIENCE over and over again.
  • That I hear him making CONVERSATION at 7am over breakfast before school when I know he’s exhausted.
  • That I hear his footsteps when he’s the dancing MONSTER making her cringe with laughter.
  • That I hear him CONSOLING her with gentle personal experience when she’s been bullied.
  • That I hear his myriad of VOICES for the fictional characters he’s reading to her.
  • That I hear him build her CONFIDENCE when knocked down by a difficult math problem.
  • That I hear him join in on her FOOLISHNESS like an improv partner.
  • That I hear him GIGGLING alongside her during their favorite tv shows.
  • That I hear him gingerly approach the subject of hygiene in the bathroom, delicately managing her SELF-ESTEEM.
  • That I hear him say I love you with SINCERITY.
  • That I hear him sternly express disappointment followed by loving REASSURANCE when a lesson is to be learned.
  • That I hear him saying yes to SPENDING extra when he doesn’t have the extra to spend.
  • That I hear him offer verbal cues of INTEREST at the most mundane and lengthy stories filled with young girl’s names from the playground.
  • That I hear him laughing at her SILLINESS and serving as her captive audience when she needs one.
  • That I hear him HONESTLY answering her questions about his life and choices.
  • That I hear him GUIDING her on lessons of art and expression while doing the dance of letting her do it her way.
  • That I hear him subtly teaching her what it is to be BLACK in America.
  • That I hear him packing and PREPPING for a 14 hour drive to get time in with his little one and get the sisters laughing together.
  • That I hear how earnestly he APOLOGIZES when he’s accidentally hurt her in play or in jest.
  • That I hear him set aside the stressors going on in his life to make sure SHE'S HEARD.
  • That I hear him wheelin and DEALIN to get funding or transportation for an activity she has an interest in.
  • That I hear him sneaking in ADVICE around these creatures called boys that she winces at.
  • That I hear him taking my notes when he gets it wrong.
  • That I hear him scribbling notes of love for her lunchbox.
  • That I hear him negotiating costly things like summer camp and new roller skates.
  • That I hear him coming up with ideas to fashion his sweatshirt into a skirt when she's soaked her dress at the amusement park.
  • That I hear him keeping his cool when she's not her best self.

But I do. Good dad.

jun 17 2018 ∞
aug 16 2018 +