• "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
• "He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed."
• "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
• "Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important."
• "All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
• "Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."
• "I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids."
• "Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools."

• garbage
• pens
• pencils
• books
• two movies (stomp the yard and where the heart is)
• camera
• lipgloss
• compact
• stickers
• wallet
• study guides

• the time allion went across her bed to turn on the radio, her bed collapsed on the side she was on and i was on the opposite side hanging on for dear life! Her face was just priceless!
• we used to believe that our american girls were real and that hers threw a stuffed bear across the room, that had us freaked out for a long time.
• my brother was afraid of a frog that she had in her basement. We never let him live it down
• we used to spy on our brothers while they were in the basement. she had stairs that you could see them without them noticing you sitting there.
• we used to play with our american girls all the time. we were so cute lol
• we used to be afraid to eat at her table facing the window. across the street they had one of those faces on their tree lol...

• Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
• What you call dog with no legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.

• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
• If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
• Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.
• Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?