• glugging cheap vino from Tesco all alone
• dancing to Ashanti in my bedroom
• singing at a pub karaoke
• crying over unreachable straight boys
• piggybacking through the park with M.
• eating curries and pizza and chow mein
• watching Poldark with my mum (and fawning over the hunky piece of studmeat that is Aidan Turner ♥)
• getting half-gassed at the beach with school pals
• dining out with the fam for a celebratory meal and bevvy
• attending SNP meetings with my natty dad
• puking in a public lavvy after going on The Mexican Wave
• giving false hope to sex-crazed desperados on grindr
• drinking with friendly strangers at Wickerman festival
• reading The Morning Star in a cold hotel room

• Her lyrics are both militant and playful.
• Her alter-egos demonstrate huge creativity.
• Her presence is memorising.
• Her aura commands my attention.
• She's an excellent role model (despite what some stone-age dicks might suggest).
• Her ability to stand up for herself.
• Her charisma is unrivalled in the rap industry.
• Her wordplay is inventive and unpredictable.
• Her songs are so versatile - ''Starships'' is equally well-received at school discos and flat parties alike.

♥ PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS —

• Has olive skin, deep eyes and dark features
• Has back muscles and toned manthighs
• I don't want none unless he got buns, hun
• Has brawny arms and soft-to-touch hands
• Has a messy but understated hairstyle
• Has a subtle amount of body hair -- not too beary
• Packs a considerable piece of manmeat; 8 inches ideally!
• Has tattoos, which are a hefty turn on

♥ PERSONALITY TRAITS —

• Has a genuinely cheerful disposition
• Has bags of intelligence and knowledge
• Is witty and quick to respond with clever remarks
• Is compassionate; cares about animals & the vulnerable

• erosion and acidification of the soil
• pollution of water and air
• release of CO2 into the atmosphere and hence depletion of the ozone layer
• extinction of flora and fauna
• increased threat of global warming
• native and indigenous peoples land ruined
• outbreaks of malaria and other diseases
• widespread, uncontrollable flooding
• once fertile land reduced to desert

• Not only do I work for a meagre wage, but my boss is a callous and exploitative scrotum who singles me out for abuse.
• I'm absolutely OBSESSED with Nicki Minaj. She inspires so much self-confidence in me and, contrary to what the unoriginal pissholes who despise her say, she's really talented and gifted. Those record sales don't lie!
• I volunteer at my local foodbank, and even though I LOVE meeting new people and hearing their stories, it's hard seeing the corrosive effect poverty/sanctions has on their dignity. It makes me unbelievably sad and angry.
• Apparently, I'm good at telling stories. People have told me that my accents, hand gestures, voice tones and presence are perfect and make a wee tale so much funnier.
• I find stupid things absolutely hilarious, like people falling over (just harmless...

• red bull
• cigarettes
• good dick
• ice cream
• politics
• the office
• nicki minaj
• buckfast

• lonely old people
• animals suffering
• poverty and homelessness
• children in warzones
• bullying and suicide stories

• Haters of Nicki Minaj
  • Their hatred is based on a poisonous combo of racism, sexism and anti-pop snobbery. And experience tells me her critics are all boring as fuck — instead of rallying behind Nicki, who's lyrics are both gung-ho and fiery, they prefer ''sensitive'' white men with acoustic guitars. How fucking boring!
• Christopher Colombus ''discovering'' America
  • Newsflash: the Americas were already inhabited by indigenous people for centuries beforehand. A place doesn't start existing just after a Western coloniser invades and pillages the land.
• Uppity vegetarians/vegans
  • There's nothing wrong with a meatless die...

• ♡ Godfrey Gao
• ♡ Zayn Malik
• ♡ Ezra Miller
• ♡ Anthony Guzman
• ♡ Corbin Bleu
• ♡ Leonardo DiCaprio
• ♡ Idris Elba
• ♡ Tre Samuels
• ♡ Therell Spires

• "he's a massive fucking hippy"
• "i've never met someone so anti-capitalist"
• "yer an actual liability when gassed mate"
• "you're so left-wing it annoys me"
• "i love how fierce you are"
• "yeah, he's a switched-on kid"
• "your gayness just radiates out you"
• "you're the least judgemental person in town"
• "i don't know whether to hug or punch you"
• "life would be as bleak as a dickens novel without you"
• "you've got the tendency to ramble"
• "he's awright for a poof"
• "have you ever considered being a stand-up comedian?"
• "...a hatred of injustice burns in his young heart"

• I want to be cremated. The thought of being sealed in a box underground for eternity worries me as a claustrophobic person.
  • I'd also like to donate my organs and whatnot to medical research.
• I'd like to be clutching a copy of I Am... Sasha Fierce as I'm being cremated. I also want a plane ticket, because that implies that I'm off on a journey.
• I don't mind where my ashes are scattered, so long as its pretty. My preferred place would be a little secluded waterfall and stream at my auntie's farm.
• I'd like a Catholic ceremony, but it CANNOT be too dominated by the holiness and pomp. I'm a heretic and blasphemer myself so it wouldn't feel appropriate.
• Guests can't wear black (unless they *really* want to). I don't like the negative connotations with it and would much rathe...

• Art: A
• Business: B
• English: A
• French: A
• History: A
• Maths: F (lol)
• Politics: A