dear andrew,

i want to be just like you. i don't know how else to explain it other than that. this isn't in a romantic way or anything, but i want to be like you when i grow up. i want it to seem like i know everything. i want the aura you have, you know what i mean? you're so... assertive, yet you're still soft spoken. how do i go about achieving something like that? you're such an inspiration for me, honestly. this sounds dumb, but it's true.

i can't stop thinking about you. everything i do to forget you always just brings me back to you. i can't listen to 'million dollar man' by lana del rey without immediately picturing your face. it's a legitimate issue, because that's one of my favourite songs. it's just stuck in my head, and it's not showing any signs of coming out. there's actually a number of songs like that. including 'teacher's pet' by melanie martinez. to be fair, that one's pretty hard to not associate with you for obvious reasons, but the sentiment is still the sane.

if it's this bad now, how bad will it be when i inevitably leave here? how will i react? in what ways will i shut down? i hope i can figure out how to deal with permanently losing you. because if i can't.... then that's probably a pretty big problem i should address soon.

love, olivia