My tweets:

• "Listen david, we do not whistle while we work! We grumble, and complain, and convince others to do likewise."
• Stephen says he shaves his beard twice a day. He's 8.
• "damn i left the newborns next door!"
• I hate being the wife...
• "Hey Em, it's Jess." "Hey Jess, it's Em." best senior quote ever.
• "do you have steak?" "yes" "oh, then ill have the grilled cheese."
• Off to my fifth prom. Why does everyone act so surprised when i say that?
• DEAR JOHN, CHERYL SANG IN CHURCH TODAY. IT MADE ME CRY. SHE CRIED TOO. WE'RE PICKING UP MAGGIE AFTER CHURCH. ROAD TRIP!
• "well then i have an iron man date with the asian sensation."
• I want pie! I want beef jerky!
• See, well, I've had an abortion... Well abortions... Aborti
• "his dad was the classy one, he went to jail AFTER my brother was born."
• Some woman says "look there's an octopus!" her son says "thats a starfish." theyve been fighting for 10 minutes. Harvard material? Yes.
• Pk 262
• Newest TKE boy!!
• "thats one belligerent quadriplegic!"
• Dear gingerbread men, i accept full responsibility for the genoside of your people today. With much love, stan.
• "i think i became an adult the day santa told me that my mom wasnt real."
• "Somewhere in my kitty costume lies a dorito"
• " :( we dont have hot sexy pig sex any more :("
• Who's Seth's new girl? She's a pretty one.
• My suitemate just asked me where I live...