I'm studying liberal arts and creative writing. there is no queer, let alone leftist, community nearby- there are barely even whispers of us, and any gay voices are embracing cisheteronormativity, or, as Mattson said, homonormativity, which is to say embracing neoliberalism and capitalism and such (or "gentrification from within"), and often very sadly erring on the side of anti-queerness, whether they know it or not- they rarely if ever fully embrace post-colonial ideology, are- though they'd never admit it- very ethnocentric, they often object to kink culture, they're dressed in shein and think constant self-deprecation is always a well-timed joke. i've learned i'm very judgemental. i need to find people like myself, m, v, and n. we need to find ways to make this lonely house of ours a home, something that can really draw the other stuck queers out and into some meeting space. i plan on doing many things with this idea of building and hosting a community... build a website using neocities, as to embrace the slow web movement; use a cheap online radio host service to run a small radio show consisting of short chapters of theory, long music playlists (the server host i'm looking at can hold about 800 songs), and live shows discussing research, hyperfixations, media, whatever; zine workshops; album listening parties; poetry hearings; roundtables and lectures. this project would be known as kenan underground, and we would do very low-key marketing- hand-drawn punk posters in few locations, maybe some cryptic stickers here and there later on. i don't want to be too closed off, as i don't want to imply an air of superiority or anything similar, but my friends are i are wary of a lot of the students here- mostly all white, and transphobia is violent on campus, to just say two things- so we feel we should keep it pretty hard to find, noticeable to only those who really want to notice.

Other than k.u., i need to focus on being a studious student again. i cannot afford to keep slipping by, and i'm barely doing that.

Here is where i want to start my research and archival work. so far, i have been interested in researching queer theory and why queer spaces have diminished so severely; or, why "gay is in, but queer is out." what happened to our radical core? how can we fight assimilationist comfort?