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Can't change my gender marker on my birth certificate so i'm opting to stick with my name, Allen, as a middle name, and the first name to be something ambiguous or something feminine i wouldn't mind being called.

Scratch That

I'm just gonna go for a masculine name. I can't pass as an F anyway, and won't be able to legally slide as an M. As always, i wish gender markers could simply be eradicated. They're absurdly useless. I still need to move Allen to middle instead of first so that, if Texas repeals their law, i can change and seal my birth certificate marker change. In that change, i would also just move Allen to first. Ideas:

• Abel

Why do i like things? The intention is to learn about what something means to me outside of relationships/others...

• wrestling/combat/guns- defense, community care and safety, self-competence in my body and violence
• radios- community care/safety/development, cool/interesting technology, independence from mainstream, freedom of speech, live conversations, uncommon music
• writing- unfurl my thoughts, rearrange them, know them more intimately. been thinking of journalism and essays specifically, recently.
• poetry- structure, challenge, literary devices, organization, intimacy
• coding- community development/safety/care, design, intimacy (snapshots of life). portraying oneself is not the final goal, spreading information & enjoyment [in things] is

Some volunteer ideas for getting more job experience:

• At arboretum/gardens/etc for landscaping/maintenance experience
• (Arboretum volunteering starts in mid-March)
• At libraries
• Doing transcriptions of stories written by incarcerated people
• Museums

I need to cultivate self-worth. I've come a long way, really...

• I worked full-time for eight months to afford to move to Seattle by myself, no friends, no family, after being miserably depressed and destructive in a college i dropped out of
• I got testosterone access during that time, too
• Every month i've been looking for jobs and/or actively working
• I am consistent with summer housekeeping
• I get sick and take care of myself until i recover. There is sometimes external help, like food from roommates
• I clean up my body daily
• I clean up after myself often
• I clean up after Judith when she needs help
• I work through difficult feelings using my catalogue of coping and research skills...

And things i need:

• a reliable work schedule
• legal name change
• top surgery, which is supposed to happen in late september
• exercise and cheap food, home-cooked
• return to plants, indoor and outdoor; go on walks and hikes, find ways to leave seattle
• purge my belongings, i want much fewer things
• find a way to hold what's happening to me, what i think
• have fun, express gratitude
• top Judith
• go WWOOF farming...
• journal, collect information enough to make articles/essays
• stare out at the Pier 86 grain terminal, have sex there
• sing

• Uchida Yoshimi (example: Hosi no Tokei no Liddell)
• Nabis art movement
• Mikhail Nesterov
• Henry Scott Tuke
• Andrew Wyeth
• Wayne Thebaud
• Jacek Malczewski (example: Chimera)
• Edward Hopper
• Alex Colville
• Nikolay Tolmachev (example: Knot)
• Picasso

Been thinking a lot lately about going out hiking, going out to tide pools, seeing woods and mountains and bodies of water that aren't in the city. There are several parks in town i've never been to and could probably dedicate my sundays to exploring. See here-

• https://www.google.com/search?client=fir...[[47.72549045750147,-122.14219099694219],[47.50049959084006,-122.4502071686828]]

I want to go ahead and get rid of more of my belongings and be more on my own. I have a lot to clear out already, so i'll enlist one of my car-endowed roommates to help me get rid of it at a goodwill donation spot.

Not much into deep wilderness survival but i want to be competent. Like rural competence and self-sufficiency, like steadyrein and co

It's unclear to me if i want to be in college next year or if i want a car to expl...

• the deliberate record keeping of previous revolutionary groups
• boating, boat maintenance
• motorbikes
• radio repair & broadcasting
• independent radio, web, and media movements
• yesterweb, again
• whales
• planes (especially woman pilots), boats, both especially military use
• military history (anti-war veterans particularly) & strategy
• weblogging and video blogging
• bdsm communities
• writing routines, study routines
• music making
• tailoring
• organizing my notes on Obedience to Authority (study anarchist lens + Foucault + neoliberalism)

Originally titled "What to do after survival," I have changed it to read "What to do during survival". Life doesn't have a magical starting point, it just keeps going and i'm allowed to enjoy that.

Learn to

• wrestle
• repair radios
• write
• code, more
• sew
• cook
• drive comfortably
• bike
• piano, guitar, music theory

Develop

• self-worth
• discipline (particularly against spending)
• courage