- The root problem with Christianity is that their god is supposed to be all-powerful and benevolent. It sounds like an easy sell, but when life turns completely to shit, you have to come up with all kinds of whacked-out reasons for why kindly old Jehovah saw fit to run over little Timmy with a combine harvester and leave him in a state of vegetative, limbless agony for eighteen years. (Too Human)
- Anyway necromorphs break lose on the station and Isac must discover why. Chances are good it has something to do with those pesky unitologists. The infuriating wide spread space religion whose central tenents are human unification and unrelenting denial. (Dead Space 2)
- Now if I were a paranoid man...which I'm not. Whatever people have been saying about me! (Dead Space 2)
- It's way too long and I gave up on it. Abandoning forever an innocent child to a hostile and unforgiving land. Sometimes I still hear him crying late at night. He sounds exactly like a malfunctioning air conditioner. (A Shadows Tale)
- My non American viewers. Who understand that the world does not consist solely of a single nation sailing across an infinite sea of migrant workers. Will no doubt have heard that the waters surrounding Brisbane got tired of waiting for people to hit the beach and decided to bring the party to us. (Minecraft)
- I suspect mainly its support comes from it being x-box exclusive. Because fanboys will angrily defend aggressive wasps if they're exclusively nested inside x-box casings.
- Horrors from beyond the veil of time and space are coming to eat us so shut up, sounds like a pretty good draw card for a leader to have. (Fable III)
- I feel like Jack Slate is following the letter rather than the spirit of the law. A law completely unique to Jack Slate given to him by some kind of mad ocelot god that only he can see. (Dead to Rights Retribution)
- Just Cause 2's relationship with realism is limited to a fleeting farewell peck on the cheek before leaping aboard Leprechaun flight 101 to the dark side of Mars (Just Cause 2)
- Incidentally I'd like to invite fans of Brink to take a shot every time I mention Team Fortress 2 - hopefully by the end of this video you won't feel so poorly disposed towards me.
- You know how Team Fortress 2 (take a shot) introduced optional hats and unlockables that did nothing but mess with perfectly good visual design like a bunch of jelly beans sprinkled on a wedding cake? Well, Bethesda saw this and cried, "Valve will never outdo us when it comes to making bad decisions! Fully customizable outfits for everyone! You won't even be able to fucking see the wedding cake behind all the jelly beans!"
- You want to know the ironic thing though? Even with this feature every character looks exactly the bloody same. That's failing to a new level, like standing on a rake and the rake has a grenade taped to the end of it. (Brink)
- That's like inventing an anti-depressant that makes people think there's free money inside of their wrists (Deus Ex)
- For fuck's sake, Naughty Dog, I want to be proven wrong on this. If you do Uncharted 4, please have him murder an American. Just one. Just for me. Or an Australian, because at least then I'll know you're deliberately trying to piss me off. (Uncharted 3)
- "Games anyone can enjoy," promises the blurb. Well, what about people who want to go see Phantom of the Opera every now and again rather than the Christmas panto every fucking night, Microsoft? What about them? People who like games about crying widowers bleeding their last on filthy basement floors, who don't want to express their inner child because they wrapped up their inner child in bin liners and tossed it off a bridge. (E3 2010)
- For me, Modern Warfare 3 's plot makes its signature turn around the bend when Russia invades Europe. As in, all of it. Simultaneously.
- Now, I've never invaded Europe, except for that one time, but I would think that's a project you might want to stagger out a bit if you haven't forged an alliance with any galactic empires lately. (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3)
- I was at the time suffering from rather severe tonsillitis, so everything that passed me lips magically transmuted into an entire Mongol infantry unit the moment I tried swallowing it. Basically what I'm saying is the back of my mouth looked like a bunch of incontinent seagulls had exploded in a cave. Basically what I'm saying is it looked like a Shoggoth had gotten cold feet while trying to use my epiglottis as a diving board. Basically what I'm saying is you could have cut my tonsils out and hid them in the back of the fancy cheeses and no one would have been the wiser. Basically what I'm saying is "More painkillers! Yum yum!" (Fez and I Am Alive)
- How exactly does a steam-powered gun turret differentiate between friend and foe? I wasn't aware that boiled water could form allegiances. (Bioshock)
- Ultimately, I confess I still don't get the appeal of dungeon crawlers. Seems like I could recreate the essential experience by opening Microsoft Excel, scrolling down ten thousand pages with the down cursor key, and then typing "The Most Splendid Trousers of Them All!" (Diablo 3)
- You see, I've always had a fondness of Jason films, because I hate eighties fashion trends, and it's nice to see people being punished for them (Manhunt)
- Such as when youthful paragons of self-control are called nasty names and decide that murder would be the wittiest comeback and then is found to have stood next to a video game at some point in the past. (Manhunt)
- it's difficult to root for America when the villains of the story live in a ditch and are armed with jagged rocks. At some point in recent years they looked up from their international heroism to realize they'd alienated the entire world (Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X)
- What were they going to do after killing the president, declare themselves king? (Tom Clancy's H.A.W.X)
- Could somebody please invade America? I know it's not exactly prime real estate and can just about produce corn and shitty TV, but someone really needs to help them blow off some steam. (Call of Duty: Black Ops)
- Tellingly, the game features the Vietnam War and the Bay of Pigs invasion, both for the longest time avoided by video games because the United States went into them for slightly cunty, unheroic reasons. But I guess Black Ops means we've stopped giving a shit. I guess we're hankering for another decent war so much that we no longer care whether we're the good guys or not.
- So that's why I say let's just do it. Don't need a reason, just ring up Eastern Europe and say "maybe we could do the genocide thing this time!" Then everyone could line up in the Sahara Desert with their latest weapons tech and all just get it out of their system. Perhaps Switzerland could be persuaded to blow the starting whistle. (Call of Duty: Black Ops)
- A Shadow's Tale - I'm going to keep calling it A Shadow's Tale because fuck America for wanting to be different and special all the time. (A Shadows Tale)
- Assuming they don't decide it's time for another reboot because more than 17 minutes have passed. (The Amazing Spiderman)
- But my distaste for the glorification of the military deflated somewhat when I noticed the game sitting next to me saying: "Too right! Fuck these guys!" (Spec Ops: the Line)
- I picked it up 'cause the back of the box said the Kinect had "finally found its hardcore game" and I interpreted that as a challenge.
- Making the decision to leave Valve strikes me as right up there with turning down the throne to Narnia, but then call me an idealist, and I guess I probably wouldn't want to spend my whole life making new hats for Team Fortress 2 either.
- I was hunting around the Steam forums for a solution and I found a post stating that anyone who doesn't know how to edit Unreal Engine .ini files or doesn't have access to a top-range PC powered by the ghost of dead Microsoft-certified systems engineers has no business playing PC games. (Quantum Conundrum)
- With small-town America it's always either zombies or communists isn't it. (Lollipop Chainsaw)
- New Super Mario Br - I'm just gonna call it "Steve" from now on, all right?
- Maybe she's preemptively getting her karmic backlash for that, but there's something icky about all this. Yes, the "hello, boys" chest like two friendly chinchillas, Bigfoot ball stomper Lara Croft was oversexualized, but this is still sexualization from the opposite, somehow even creepier side of the coin. At least that Tyrannosaurus in the first game never tried to feel her up. (Tomb Raider)
- It still occupies my thoughts after most of the year, putting it in a distinct category alongside my tax returns and the feasablitiy of suicide. (Top 5 of 2013)
feb 25 2011 ∞
jan 4 2014 +