I am indeed very grateful to be such an optimistic person with such a zest for life, however, I do oftentimes find myself frustrated with my inability to just let myself rot and stew in my misery. I know myself better than I'd like to admit in all my teenage-angst induced need to be profound and tortured and martyred, and I know that I am, no matter my current circumstances and woes, going to live a happy and full life. I sometimes wish I could make myself believe in the futility of life and effort for even a moment, but ultimately, I don't sway to that tune — Pet Sounds is my favourite album.

Today I finished Orwell's Keep the Aspidistra Flying. To absolutely no one's surprise, I have grown extremely fond of Gordon Comstock's prickly, stubborn character. Perhaps this is why all my favourite protagonists are annoying and intent on self-sabotage; I allow myself to sink and resign and be bitter through them in a way I could never let myself. In reality I have to get up and gogogogogo