morning after. im still reeling. i had SUCH a good time but then elise talks about how shes rethinking seth liking me. that he is really good at controlling his feelings at that he has a LOT of friends that are girls so he can handle it and that she doesnt think that he likes me that way.... so stressful because it was just so fun at the fox. i had a really great time with him. i thought he had a great time too. i know he did. but then she steps in and it makes me forget all these things, the fun time i had. its back to that day when she said that he doesnt want to start anything before california. i feel shitty and like ive lost a friend forever. but in reality, NOTHING has changed at ALL since last night and today. we DID have a great time together. and she just fucked it up with poor timing, telling me this. and also she said that since florida is definitly happening, the glimmer of hope that i would go to california is vanished.

• i feel like ive lost a friend somehow, that things have changed. :(
• i feel like elise has poor timing. i want to choose to not let this effect the great times that i have had with seth.

the plan

• normally i would binge. but i just need to give this time. its okay, its really okay, its going to be okay. and its not like seth said anything. its just elises intuition. so that can be on or off. im sure she has been off about other things before. this just stresses me out though.
• besides giving it time, in talking with him, i need to make it clear that i'm keeping my future options open. because i am.
• i dont want to see my dad. fuck. he will just pry and pry because with him it is not okay to not be okay. i just need to hold on tonight, he is leaving tomorrow, and then i have the weekend packed full of fun things to do. to get my mind of this.
• i had such a fun time with seth last night. linds said tues that he blushed when i talked to him. and he LOVED that cover art i made him so much. he gave me the best hug. and last night was so great. i just need to remember that all that has changed was that elise said that i maybe shouldn't tell him that i like him. but elise doesnt know half of what goes on in our friendship. she doesnt know an eighth. all she knows is what i tell her! so i just need to give this time.