• burgh island- ben howard
• protien shakes
• kettle corn and licorice
• anything could happen- ellie goulding
• pinterest family dinner and then mike s. falling in love with me
• the beach
• daughter youth with racheeta
• ellie gouldings anything can happen
• "is this open? are you open?"
• toilets breaking down
• "i'd rather marry my cat. i don't even have a cat and i hate cats."
• "i hope andrew puts his elbow in my face the entire time."
• " so long, cowboys!"
• making fun of garcias colorblindness
• amazing thanksgiving
• alex and the weird boar encounter (jacob is my home)
• replacing diet soda and energy drinks

• http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1WjbBr/:1O..._!zF@:c.DSXix6/artlung.com/smorgasborg/how_to_tick_people_off.shtml/* and then he went all maury on her...
• that happens in the mayor of casterbridge right? or oh my god am i completely imagining that?
• i will be the brother you never had!
• drunk uncle voice) so what if my water isn't organic? or if my chai tea doesn't have wifi? ...Now a days its all, "is this hybrid biodegradable? Can i get iTunes in vinyl?" ...I'll tell you what rcva really means- Ridiculously Controlled, yet Violent Arsonists. Girls used to go for the down-to-earth guys or nice guys now its all, twitter me, instagram me, meme me, pintrest me. I'll tell you what Alexis, if I had a smart phone... ;) ... you know what i'd do... IMMIGRANTS!
• should've known it wouldn't take long for Brenica "third wheel" Bellin to find her...

• candles- daughter
• too many finals
• frappucino happy hour
• my sweet sweet windsor girls
• east moon, bitches
• equestrian- us royalty
• blue like jazz the movie
• dissing the mint in the library
• getting asked out by guy in shakespeare class
• white oleander
• laziness
• in the cage with nicholas cage
• you, me, and apollo
• working working working
• swing station and pbr
• the permafort and pomegranate vodka
• country dancing with brent (thanks for introducing me to lexi...i'm gonna take her out for DINNER)
• cameron sitting on the couch "uhhm hi... ...

• dark mean- lullaby
• hunger games club
• innapropriate sam manning joke at noodles
• killer orcas and calling cam
• "looking to get laid, ladies?" "fancy a shag?"
• dying with bren when ry asked if i heard dark mean yet...
• lucilles
• the knife heartbeats live
• a million miles in a thousand years
• the fact that all of a sudden JD, Jared, Josh and Adam (and soon to be Clint and then later brent) all asked me to hang out.THERE IS SOMETHING IN THE WATER.
• sleeping sickness- city and colour
• fiesta potato soft tacos
• walking more
• my "anger stache" from carly
• gold mine gutted- bright eyes

• acoc aloC
• working out in the black light room
• bon iver tickets!
• weather reports
• listening to tycho and hating shakespeare
• coffee with rachel rota
• being sad for holly
• green tea frappucinos
• oh comely nuetral milk hotel
• getting asked on a date date by jd
• jakes' surprise party
• getting drunk by chocolate martinis...
• getting hit on by nick at the party
• and then jessie stalking him later...
• the no seatbelt song
• 'hey lady'
• nick treworthas rando crush on me?
• untitled 1
• lovinggg the parlour
• its cool, we can still be friends

DO

• turkey or india or alaska or africa, summer 2013
• arizona again

BUY

• ✔ actual hair extensions
• l-plasty
• ✔ macbook or ipad
  • thank you, spector fam
• ticket to kentucky
• ✔ tattoo cover up
• good camera

the giant list of everything ever

• fix up car
  • carwash

• chocolate from the flight attendant
• "you can scoot over, you know."
• snoring on the plane
• headphone guy throwing out his trash
• "return to gate 75 immediately. you have left your newborn. shame on you."
• and generally nervewracked about that situation in general
• "cause its brenica! lexi! lexi! brenica!"
• being in awe of the Kiluea lodge

• mutemath concert!! (is this money??)
• youth and youth remix
• still hating my short hair
• sicknessosity
• loving team windsor
• delilah
• hopelessly hoping
• studying with holly and becoming better frennsss
• getting excited about the possibility of next year living..
• prank calls with katy and amy
• finally getting to meet dreadlock kiddo
• hopelessly hoping about edwarde sharpe
• fuck the frost
• "you are all stardust."
• nervousnessosisty over living situation
• shins with virginia, breanne and rachael!
• braiden lunch with jake
• obsession with lydia assailants shoes

• your ex lover is dead- stars
• weird obsession with someone i shouldn't be weirdly obsessed with
• realizing that all of the months of this year since afghanistan really reallllyyyy sucked.
• insomnia
• sail-awolnation
• sleeping lessons rac remix
• laying on christians bed and listening to music with him and jake
• working all the damn time
• ghetto kmart trip
• keep your head up- ben howard
• dinosaur egg oatmeal
• 1200 or less
• short short short hair
• biotin, vit b, folic acid, fish oils, and multi like a madwoman
• studydates
• tokyo joes dates with my frennnss

• running out of money
• small boxes- black light dinner party
• rereading sarah dessen
• having my room be a total mess
• being friends with stefchak
• getting ready for school life to start again...
• regretting hanging with starbucks nate

• towers remix
• werewolf- cocorosie
• breakdowns over chem class
• studying at allycat
• Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise- Avett Brothers
• pumpkin spice coffee creamer
• heat civil wars
• "lexi welled at me"
• getting weirdly very much over seth
• meanwile being overly sad about RW....? (transferrance transferrance transferrance)
• (Amanda) "Classic Jon."
• White Blank Page
• shark shirt
• playing yentil
• wanting to meet k-w
• and then getting over RW
• dinner with jake, dom and christian
• eighties night and fat pictures

• still crying, every day, over seth. fuckkkk.
• still guilt, every day, over what happened in florida.
• lara bars
• writing writing writing
• my new amazing comforter
• strawberry creme frappuccinos with one pump chai skim milk and whip
• acoustic guitar
• rainbows ( literally and sandal-wise)
• dashboard confessional/brand new mashup
• night biking
• its about time- barcelona
• over and out- alkaline trio
• herbals
• facebook stalking s.
• gold nail polish
• anti gluten
• anti diet soda
• and anti sugar :)

• nineteen- tegan and sara
• melted cheese!
• american literature
• fantesticle
• nooma videos
• witchcraft
• tetris
• room swap
• God's reality show
• 6 pm family dinner
• werewolfing
• guy who fell
• weightlifting
• mahalo
• white oleander
• modern family
• alone time at braiden
• art history class
• dorm room signs
• vending machine binges
• hotel ice

• the beach
• social drinking
• TGIFridays
• comes and goes in waves and i'd be lying- greg laswell
• asterisk roxy slipons
• coffee with creamer and about 7 splendas
• my boy builds coffins- florence and the machines
• special shrimp tempura roll with low sodium soy
• cotton crush- kevin devine
• bright shiny morning
• not doing homework... or schoolwork...
• kite runner
• listography, mon cherie
• count down
• so bad- making april
• marble slab creamery
• photos you love

• mad greens
• worrying about ryan
• worrying about housing
• worrying about afghanistan
• roasted red pepper dressing
• juana pintanda
• breckenridge
• purging
• missing class
• insomnia
• dilly bars
• club soda
• no caffeine
• spicy caesar sandwich with tofu
• simple math- manchester orchestra
• "handsy" and "lotters"
• superkev, tyrannosaurus lex, lex luther, judah and his knife, kevy, ginger radio

• doses and mimosas- cherub
• working out
• studying with Alex and muggsy
• "and the stars lined up just right"

Soirée? More like soiryay? Matt's sassy test comments Pretending to be in love with a Haack Loving the Parlour Merry Christmas ya filthy animal Cherub with LO :) Ugswepa Bahhhhs with Racheeta I almost died and they had to revive me Three white horses Andrew bird Peppermint mocha creamer

• holland road- mumford and sons
• aminos and p/dinner
• nervousness over "why can't we be friends in real life?!"
• reminder- mumford and sons
• babel the album
• denver diner and beauty bar with bre (okay. here was the situation. putting jam on my bread...)
• becoming friends with nick bonnet ("shut your whore mouth, karen!")
• awful educ 350 video and timmys sweet, sweet compliment
• chels' beady eyes
• driving around talking to s, secretly. sharing music and goofy talks. uh oh.
• words- alder
• the boy who blocked his own shot
• stopping purging
• pizza on the parlour
• ryans appt and not really caring

• be patient, kind, balanced, fine
• ✔ carlys' wedding
• ✔ delilah at least once
• do all of my homework for classes
• ✔ friend request alex
  • ✔ or stay off fb forever
• golf course walk
• hang out with my brother as much as possible
• walk instead of.... (i take a walk :) )
• write more
• weigh less, less, less
• wednesday night dinners

mental health goals:

• ✔ consume coffee when i'm hungry. and coffee constantly.
• no diet soda, gluten, snacks, eating after drinking or eating any type of dessert ...

• crying
• the worst 4th of july of my life
• but the best summer of my life :)

fill this in with stuff from the back of my notebook!

• colorblind- counting crows
• sloppy firsts
• kashi cereal for breakfast
• "oh, lets hop a train. oh, i don't have any legs."
• being confused about the usual boy stuff
• my "new" ibook
• pueblo bicycle
• drinking car-wa with elle
• gaining weight and hatinggg it
• being stressed about never having cash anymore
• early dinners
• yl
• minnesota, w
• felt roseart wolfdrawing "burnt orange and lush green"
• picking christian up from the airport and my newly discovered but longtime present skepticism torwards relationships
• vinyl letter paintings

• being friends with katy mccrim-crim
• pensacola- manchester orchestra
• being broke
• getting over burrito boy
• white lies- unfinished business
• stressing over support letters
• walking to target
• protein shake
• right away, great captain
• simple math album- manchester orchestra
• hot pink blowdrier
• burts bees lipstick
• apprehension- manchester orchestra
• bright orange nail polish
• garbanzo falafel salad
• punching in a dream
• napping, napping, napping
• going biking in dresses
• drinking
• listmaking
• your love is a song

• the knife- heartbeats
• mad greens
• white lies- unfinished business
• the great gatsby
• gluten free brownies and braiden sammies
• easter :)
• the burrito boy saga...getting poked and messaging and texting and hanging and worrying and hoping and praying and hoping and despairing etc etc etc
• feather ring
• the office
• insidious
• jake and josh in public speaking
• naked and famous
• banjo kazooie
• dilly bars
• caffeine again
• getting frust with you-know-who
• journaling
• worrying about afghanistan

• Jesus wept. (John 11:35)
• No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will desire the one and despise the other. (Matthew 6:24)
• You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay (Psalm 40:17)

• binging and purging. (what?)
• seth and nightmares and sadness still
• the almost- southern weather
• photos you love
• cigarettes
• anne lamott
• cold showers
• clip on earrings
• bruised acoustic
• hair serum
• second chances- october fall
• fake tanning
• journaling
• talking to myself
• diet soda
• worrying
• scary movie nights with the boys
• remember me
• manchester orchestra
• facebook
• flowered shirts

• almost everything- wakey!wakey!
• banana chocolate chip coffee cake
• sugar free monsters
• dexter
• glamourazzi fragrance
• rose earrings
• scribblish
• david sedaris, augusten burroughs
• monster bookmarks
• time at the house
• neighborhood #3 (power out)
• driving
• art magazine collages
• eating at garbanzos in littleton
• worrying
• no-chicken soup
• creeping with elise
• my yellow flannel shirt
• jaymay
• my new urban notebook
• bright blue owl bank

• being absolutely heartbroken over seth
• trying to erase every memory of that night in florida
• cigarettes
• poker
• how he loves- john mark macmillan
• monsters
• sunshine
• vampire weekend
• country road drives
• screaming
• picture taking
• crying
• time with mike
• venti green tea frappucino nonfat no whip
• hookah
• our song- spill canvas

• "Know something, sugar? Stories only happen to people who can tell them." Allan Gurganus
• "A poet is someone who stands outside in the rain hoping to be struck by lightening." James Dickey
• "A writer lives, at least, in a state of astonishment. Beneath any feeling he has of the good or evil of the world lies a deeper one of wonder at it all. To transmit that feeling, he writes." William Sansom

• turning into stone- phantogram
• loving student teaching
• restriction mentality
• half of someone else- airborne toxic
• the entire house getting attacked
• apprehension over justin
• weird records in the house
• cat lamp
• michele and then the picture of the grandma...
• sitting on the roof and talking about demons
• 8th grade camerons "man book"
• weird twitter obsession
• she makes me feel- mansions on the moon
• bondi and will schaffer
• becoming friends with alex (why can't i think of any quotes from class? he is hilarious)
• "s class...thats not good. superclass!"
• intensiTIEing

• new house
• born to die
• gluten free
• no sodas
• working the parlour all the time :)
• e455 final and the night from bar hell before
• meth meth meth acid meth
• herding the puppies
• end of the world in our living room
• half of something else

• my housewarming gift and rachaels party
• the bon iver show
• hipsters who look like jesus
• the bald eagle
• talking with bren on the way home
• nervousness over eastmoon
• nervousness over joblessness
• med salad sandwich
• joking with cam
• laweavea
• bars
• accidently almost hooking up with the guy from east moon
• realizing how wonderful most of my friends are
• new macbook
• missing elise already
• kissing four guys in one week...whoops
• a on final after i had to read outloud my essay...
• bon iver

• bon iver. hearing blood bank for the first time in adam shiverdeckers drawing class. i asked him before my cigarette break who sang it, and i thought he said bonny bear until he wrote it on the bottom right of the drawing that had taken me the entire class period.
• the beach cotton crush.
• work friends. getting a virgin pina colada and meeting up with everyone from sake and bitching over the shit jobs we had and how crazy miss nancy was and how bad prom night had been at the resteraunt
• how one of the guys at the sushi bar of sake....edgar? had a crush on me and sushi chef ben would always try to set us up. and wayan was always hella creepy.
• adriana
• scuba club
• my first day in florida
• april fools how after spending all day at the beach ...

things i think God shows me. pay attention.

• the random favor i have with people offering me jobs (dairy queen shift manager, mad greens, the sandwich guy), or with furniture ( the table, chairs, the couch)
• also with random favor, the free food that i get (noodles and company with the windsor team, how that woman remembered me and offered me a meal at the house, on top of my free cookie)
• the fact that the house for next year fell together so perfectly. i realized how much i hated living here, and suddenly had two roomates for pams house. perfect.
• rachel rota chose me to disciple. there are so many girls who would love to have that oppurtunity, and she asked to share life with me. such a blessing.
• the dorms! what if i had never lived there? i would only know people from cru and younglife and weir and nik and it'd be so...

• dragging your feet through the mud
• talking with serban and ashley
• doing homework, constantly
• if it's the beaches- avett brothers
• crushing on intern chris
• tear down the house- avett brothers
• my friend leonard
• fools- dodos
• running away from the 'stray dog' at mahalo
• " there are two types of girls in the world"
• paranormal activity 3
• doin hoodrat stuff with my friends
• "before we were so RUDELY interrupted"
• hipster parties at jd's house
• bike riding
• awkward neighbors across the street
• still being sad about seth
• 10.50 pants
• loose shirts

• fruit salad with lemon juice
• carpathia- taking back sunday
• red vans
• drinking with elise
• bright eyes at the fillmore
• untitled 9: the edge takes over for vin
• getting strep
• aminos
• you are a tourist- death cab for cutie
• less eye makeup
• everything must go live from orensanz
• the backwards cap crew
• greek yoghurt
• crushin on ben
• cinzettis and rachaels bday partay
• birthday night with mike and shannon
• uv blue and mikes harder
• ripple
• sunbathing with lisa
• fruit salad with lemon juice
• being sad about seth

• tampico and uncrustables
• bright blue nail polish
• extremely loud and incredibly close
• ice cream in a mug
• shell games
• prep
• the office
• skinny love remix
• edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes
• buckle turquoise bracelet
• snow days at mad greens
• dresses, boots and tights
• christianmas
• no carbs at dinner
• low cal smoothies
• public speaking class
• for emma, forever ago
• sexton and plath
• swim until you can't see land
• pears
• tons of bracelets

• calgary- bon iver
• saving my moolah
• learning guitar
• driving dads car
• laweava
• high waisted shorts
• holocene- bon iver
• not going tanning
• lots of bracelets
• being back and forth about ryan wakes
• walking
• the weeks of drama and hurt
• apprehension- manchester orchestra
• questions as to whether i'm doing right or wrong
• atlanta manchester orchestra tee
• church
• call me in the morning- taking back sunday
• fourth of july in the fort
• sleeping in the closet with katy

• clocks/chicago mashup
• strung out on taking back sunday
• diet soda and then anti diet soda
• my pink and gray striped sweatshirt
• cru
• driving that mountain road at night
• soup
• broken horse- freelance whales
• writing
• in the devil's territory- sufjan stevens
• poetry
• chain smoking
• art history class
• milk duds
• rmga
• mi amigos! mi amigos!
• breathe me- sia
• its kind of a funny story
• focking
• burrito boy, still
• brogurt

• spooners
• hanging out with kristin!
• yl on tuesday noche
• cru cru cru
• protein bars
• no cigarettes!
• moccasins
• counting calories

• mongolian
• being at the library
• wakey!wakey!....ha
• neighborhood 1 (tunnels)
• banana chocolate chip coffee cake
• superlative conspiracy
• you and i
• picture taking
• neighborhood 3- power out
• the rock and the tide
• envelope book
• marya hornbacher
• the judah method
• deliveries
• sleeping pills
• saving money
• jean hunts
• going to legitellton
• worrying about s, j, and b
• david sedaris
• hobo gloves