list icon I need you to understand something. I wrote this for you. I wrote this for you and only you. Everyone else who reads it, doesn’t get it. They may think they get it, but they don’t. This is the sign you’ve been looking for. You were meant to read these words. My favorite entries:

  • You close your eyes when you cry. That's ok. Just don't keep them closed too long. Things have become beautiful since you last looked. There's nothing more to cry about.
  • When I look up at night, all the constellations look like you.
  • Forget the air. I'll breathe you instead.
  • I can look anywhere in the world but at you. And it hurts to look anywhere in the world but at you.
  • Things just break sometimes. Maybe we should blame that third person we became, that personality we shared together. Maybe it's their fault because you're a good person and I think I'm a good person too. We just weren't made for this.
  • You think I'm doing this to be romantic. Standing in public spaces and airing my heart out, oxygen in the blood and all that never was. I'm not doing it to be romantic. I'm doing it because it's fucking necessary.
  • Oh shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you're here.
  • You can walk into a room and spot them. They seem fine when you talk to them but every now and again, across the room, you catch them looking off into the distance at an invisible point that maybe, they once reached. They laugh a little different. They hesitate a little more. Now they know what it feels like. And something about their eyes when they listen to music says "Turn it up until my ears bleed. Let it be the last thing I hear."
  • And then who I wasn't. And you ticked every box. And then drew a line. And you weren't mine to begin with. And then not to end with. And you looked like everything I wanted. And then became something I hated. And you get thought of every day. And then not in a good way. And you let me leave. And then wish I'd stayed. And you almost killed me. But I didn't die.
  • Don't you dare tell me nothing matters. Everything matters. Every fucking drop of rain, every ray of sunlight, every wisp of cloud matters and they matter because I can see them and if I can see them then they can see me and I know that there's an entire world that cares out there, hiding behind a world that doesn't, afraid to show who it really is and with or without you, I will drag that world out of the dirt and the blood and the muck until we live in it. Until we all live in it.
  • You cannot go back in time, even if you wish it with every fiber of your being, your heart and soul, even if you think about it every day. Trust me. I know.
  • I'll pretend that you mean the weather when you ask me how things are. I'll say cold and dry.
  • Just like you mistook lust for love, you have mistaken being alone with loneliness. So I'm fine. Thank you for asking.
  • The feeling you get when you think of something amazing then forget it and know that it felt amazing but you can't remember the details. Then, minutes later, you remember it again and you're so grateful because you nearly lost something amazing, forever. Except, this time, it's a person. Not an idea.
  • That’s why love is madness. It’s too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart.
  • I read what you leave in public spaces. The songs you reference. The quotes you quote. I know it's about me. I can feel you thinking of me. I want to tell you that I know and admit that I feel the same. But I can't. Not yet.
  • There are so many people reading these words now that if you put your hand against the screen, I can promise you, no matter what time it is, no matter where you are, someone else who feels the same is doing it too.
  • This is the acceptance speech. The end of anger and denial. I accept that you and I will never be the same again. That while those days will live in my mind forever, they're over. I hate it. But I accept it. And I'm moving on now.
  • When I sit near you, my hands suddenly become alien things and I don't know where to put them or what they usually do, like this is the first time I've ever had hands and maybe they go in my pockets and maybe they don't.
  • Forget about your lists and do what you can because that's all you can do. Phone up the people you miss and tell them you love them. Hug those close to you as hard as you can. Because you are always only a drunk driver's stupidity, a nervous shopkeeper's mistake, a doctor's best attempts and an old age away from forever.
  • I was so busy missing you, I missed someone else standing right in front of me. Now I’m missing them instead.
  • And when I asked you how you'd been I meant I missed you more than I've ever missed anything before.
jan 15 2010 ∞
jan 15 2010 +