user image

Fraternal twin, brunette, Christian, police wife, knowledgeable about television but also really enjoy reading, close to my family, especially my best friend whom I "carry in my heart", my twin sister Elizabeth.

Laura follows:
Bliss Jobs (I think would be fabulous/fun to try)
I'm weird (Things I take strange satisfaction from)
Classic movies (seen and enjoyed)
Cirque du Soleil shows (Seen & to be seen)
Things I try not to do
  • Being thought of as stupid (I feel like people sometimes have the tendency to look at me like I'm being completely stupid, and I hate feeling insecure about being stupid)
  • Feeling incompetent and incapable of bettering a situation
  • Losing someone in my family/losing friends
  • Not being considered a priority among my friends: when I think about the people I lost touch with after high school, I fear how easy it would be for some of my current friends to move on and not think about me anymore. My biggest fear about my friendships is that people are more important to me than I am to them, and this insecurity makes me nervous about losing people as friends later in life. I realize that I can partially control whether or not people stop talking to me because communication is a 2 way thing, but sometimes if you have to do all the calling/texting/messaging, etc. it can be hard.
  • Becoming really fat which would then require me to go on some drastic diet so that I would feel like I could never eat normally again (like feeling like I couldn't eat birthday cake or something)
  • Dying suddenly of an undiagnosed heart condition (I'm so paranoid about this that when I tried to give blood in 11th grade, and my heart rate was like over 100, I made my mom take me to the doctor to check if I was okay). I also had a dream once where Isaiah Washington as Dr. Burke had to operate on me because of this fear.
  • In general having some sort of undiagnosed medical condition that could kill me suddenly(like a brain tumor or an aneurysm)
  • Getting Alzheimer's disease, especially since I feel like my memory is really good for events in my life, and if my memory were compromised I would feel unlike myself. I worry about this because the great-grandmas who are genetically related (i.e. on my dad's side and not my mom's since my mom is adopted) had Alzheimer's (Mama Smith) and dementia (Big Mama Robinson), and it was really hard on everyone. Big Mama Robinson's problems were especially hard on my grandma, and I would never want to cause those kind of problems for anyone else.
  • Losing any musical talent I have ever possessed (including no longer being able to play the piano or clarinet, or losing my ability to sing which is such a big part of my daily life)
  • My brakes suddenly failing
  • I've always had this fear that one day I would be sitting at a stop light with my foot on the brake, and my foot would just slip off, and then I would be in a terrible car crash like Gary in Remember the Titans because I would roll into the intersection at the wrong moment.
  • Getting in an awful car crash whenever I'm driving to SC or on the way back and having my parents be super worried because my sister and I would be unconscious or something and unable to inform them of the crash
  • Elizabeth dying before me and having to deal with the pain that being without my sister would entail/me dying before her and leaving her with that same pain. Ideally I would love if we could both die when we're really old and could die within minutes/hours of each other.
  • Giant, poisonous spiders like the one that bit my dad when I was 4, and he had to go to the hospital
  • Sam getting shot/hurt somehow while he's at work (being a cop's wife is kind of stressful)
may 23 2009 ∞
jul 21 2015 +
user picture Elizabeth: I once had a dream that Derek Shephard had to operate on me which relates to my fears of having a brain tumor when I had sinus headaches for like that 6 month period of time that I was medicated senior year. Also I don't think everyone is necessarily called to a particular vocation by God, so I wouldn't worry about that one. may 23 2009