- There's no point in stressing about how the other party in the relationship is behaving when they're not giving you the same thought that you're giving them- it's not fair to you because they're not even thinking about you, and you're worried and upset off of what they did to you.
- Relationships (friendships/family relationships and romantic relationships) are really concerned with expectations. No matter how great the person is, they will inevitably disappoint you because people always let you down in some way or other, even your best friends in the world- at some point something will happen, and your friend won't be available to you exactly when you need them, and that will be disappointing; the Lord is the only one who will never not be there for you because He's there 24/7 if you need Him. I need to learn not to expect that people will always do as much for me as I would do for them because I am an overachiever in that regard, and other people will not go as far as I will to do something for me as their friend, and I can't get mad at someone when I was seriously expecting more than I should have. At the same time, it's better to have no expectations at all for some people in your life because that way they won't surprise you when they do something that seems super inconsiderate or hurtful- you'll just recognize it as part of their personality that you had missed before.
- While people do definitely grow apart, it doesn't have to be anyone's fault if the relationship dissolves naturally in this way; yes, if the other person ignores your phone calls and attempts to reach out, you can call them on it, but you don't need to worry about why they're doing it because they don't deserve you as a friend anyway if they don't care enough to put forth some effort on their side.
- Relationships should be as equal as possible; one person shouldn't have to put forth 80% of the effort to maintain it while the other person only makes 20% of the effort. A little inequality is fine, but if things are too unbalanced, eventually resentment usually starts to set in, and it may be better to just let the relationship fall off a little (unless of course you want the relationship so badly that you'll do whatever it takes to keep it)
- Giving up on a relationship doesn't make you a bad person or a bad friend; sometimes it can be healthiest for you to just let a relationship go if it's no longer building you up, especially if you've made peace with no longer needing to talk to that person or see that person.
- A romantic relationship should ultimately add to your life, not make it worse, so if being with a guy is only causing more stress/drama, and you're upset all the time because of it, that's not a healthy relationship, and it's self-destructive to remain in a relationship when you're not being supported and built up. While relationships will have conflict, and dealing with conflict is a natural way to grow in a relationship, the relationship should not be defined by conflict and anxiety.
- In family relationships, everyone loves you regardless of what you may be fighting about. It's important to remember that no matter what is being said/how hurtful it may feel at the time, the family has what they believe to be best for you in mind, so there's no need to freak out about whatever your family may be saying because ultimately they still love you, and you just have to decide for yourself what is right for you, while still taking others' advice into consideration.
- While my parents love me, they probably don't know me as well as I know myself, so if they think something is happening with me, sometimes they may just be worried, and they may need reassurance, but I don't have to worry about the fact that I'm being misunderstood because sometimes everyone doesn't have to understand everything.
- I need to learn the benefits of being able to let go of arguments. Everything can't be resolved all the time; sometimes it's not productive to waste time/energy trying to explain something that should just be let go. Dwelling on things forever doesn't help anyone, and it will usually only hold me down.
- In relationships with authority figures, it's important to know who you're dealing with; with some people, they may not hear you even if you use logical reasoning because it may sound like an excuse for why you didn't do what you were supposed to do. With many people, it can be best to do what you're told when you're told to do it, and if you're confused about why you're doing something you can ask, but you should never assume that you know better because that will just make you look bad. With others, more explanation will be available to you for why you're doing something, and that's great, but there's no need to worry if that explanation isn't always provided.
- In relationships, if given time, people will always reveal their true personalities which is why it's important to move slow. Guys especially will probably be on their best behavior early on, but as time goes by, their true selves will come to light. This is also true in friendships because if someone has certain tendencies that are rude/qualities of a bad friend, they will eventually reveal these characteristics to you, possibly when you least expect it, and once you discover these characteristics, you have to decide if it's something you can deal with or if it's just something that changes your whole opinion and you can no longer be close.
- Love relationships and relationships with really close friends are actually quite similar because there is so much basis on that deep connection that you share with someone. The difference lies in the sexual/physical component of a love relationship, but that emotional connection is what is important for having a strong relationship.
- When something changes in a relationship, you have to trust in the strength of the bond that you have and not worry that it will cause the end of the relationship; if you have a strong foundation for a friendship or relationship with a significant other, then that foundation will hold even if you no longer get to see them all the time and even if things change in a way that you don't want them to change.
- If you don't have a solid foundation for a relationship, and the other person has proven that they can't be trusted or shown that they can't be there for you in the way that you need, don't accept so little from them. You deserve the best in your relationships, and if someone isn't making sacrifices for you, you shouldn't bend over backwards to make allowances for them. No one is worth all that time, energy, and stress, especially some guy who can't even figure out how he feels.
- Don't date people who aren't on your level; inevitably they will reveal why you thought you shouldn't be with them in the first place, and then you'll just realize that you should've listened to your first instincts.
- No one deserves to be treated like crap, and if all someone does is make you feel bad, you should really remove that relationship from your life; the good should always outweigh the bad.
- If you love someone, there is no sort of love or you love them to some extent; loving someone means you love them period, and you also love them without limits and unconditionally. Absolute acceptance is key to achieving a truly close relationship with someone.
- Taking time to reflect after each relationship is important because jumping into relationships and never spending time alone with yourself doesn't allow you to grow and learn from each relationship. Learning to be content being single doesn't mean that you are undesirable; it's just taking time to be alone rather than concern yourself with trying to alleviate the pain from the loss of a relationship by immediately being with someone else. As long as you don't let a break-up hold you back from putting yourself out there eventually, it's okay to wait before starting another relationship.
aug 23 2010 ∞
sep 7 2010 +