- Refuse to stop here because "this is bat country".
- Punch a dolphin.
- Chase a clown across wasteland (in black and white, but the clown is in colour!).
- Write an autobiography of someone i have made up.
- Start a 'project mayhem' style anarchist group.
- Get drunk with an orangutan.
- Witness a shark attacking a surfer/kayaker/wind surfer.
- Witness a Komodo dragon attacking a skateboarder/rollerblader/cyclist or absolutely anyone on one of those stupid fuckin' scooters.
- Try to make anyone who uses the phrase "You don't understand racism because you're white", realise i actually understand racism more because i'm white. After all, i hear the shit they say when you leave the room!
- listen to an argument as to why cannabis, magic mushrooms and DMT are illegal that is actually reasoned with facts rather than reactionary conjecture and rumour.
- Paint 'April fools' in big black letters on a dead end sign.
- To be given total carte blanche on killing one adult male, on the condition said male is wearing flip flops, shorts and a baseball cap.
- Hear a story involving a child getting bitten/attacked/dragged off or eaten by a fuck off scary animal and not be forced to suppress laughter just to "be sensitive!".
- Turn up at every funeral i ever have to attend and open with the line "did the deceased leave a cheque for me?".
- Meet a dinosaur.
- Eat a dinosaur.
- Convince grand dad to stop telling me his war stories, i have heard each one a million times over and a million times over i have told him "I don't give a shit how many Jews you killed grand dad", but he still keeps telling them.
- Start a coup d'etat on Diego Garcia.
- Be top mourner on D.S.C.D.P.
- For my dying thought to be 'There is no point in looking back, fuck no, not today thank you kindly'. My heart will be filled with joy, to feel like just another freak in the freak kingdom, a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger...'a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident'.
jul 26 2014 ∞
jul 29 2014 +